All Blog Entries

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I’ve seen and/or have experienced both the good and the bad of it and along the way, even more questions that needed answers. While so many guys I knew had walked away from it, it was never an option for me. Morally wrong and sometimes more trouble than it was worth, it was like a drug or one of those habits one can pick up that, try as they may, they just can’t get rid of... and don’t really want to get rid of it.

Do you know what it’s like? To have your moral compass always at war with the way you’ve come to see how things really are and can be? To hear that little voice in your head, while sucking the cum out of some guy’s balls or feeling it being pumped into your butt - or you’re the one providing that pleasure for another guy - and it’s telling you that you shouldn’t be doing this and shouldn’t be having fun?

Do you know? And should you know? I really can’t say except it’s something one must find out for themselves. I can only speak to what this means to me, how it did irrevocably changed my life.

Because one day, 56 years ago, I tasted cock and sperm for the first time and became forever hooked.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]From the moment, the instant, I first tasted dick I was hooked. I tasted sperm and it was curiously tasty and when I felt that same dick poking at my hole - and more sperm being squirted mostly between my cheeks, I knew that I was onto something that was just as exciting as finding out about girls and their pussies.

What I didn’t know, what I would eventually learn, was that I’d been introduced to something a lot of males find out about, that I really wasn’t the only one who thought that having sex with another guy was amazing and it made me... unique and special.

But I had questions... a lot of them. Not only did I need to know how and why something everyone said was so very bad felt so very good but I wondered if I was one of those homos, queers, or faggots I’d overhear older people talking about.

I didn’t feel like one and I didn’t look like one of those guys who were acting like girls - the only way you’d miss seeing them was if you were blind and couldn’t hear. Besides, I was now too busy literally being a kid with a new toy, learning more about sucking dicks and feeling them in my butt, with or without the baby making stuff girls were so afraid of.

Did I know this would change my life and pretty much everything I had learned... and permanently? I can’t honestly say that I did or even thought about it. What I did know is that I very much liked doing it to and with other guys. A bit less than I liked doing it to girls but, yeah, enjoyed it just the same. Couldn’t get enough of it.

And I was learning a lot more than how much fun it was to have sex with another guy. And in the 56 years since my first taste and feel, I remain hooked... and much more knowledgeable than I could have imagined way back then.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]My conversation with Kevin - and us blowing each other - was what got me thinking about more shit about not only my brother but brothers in general and where this is concerned which got me writing about it yesterday. People have always felt some kind of way about this and like I learned so many decades ago, it's frowned upon but it's also expected just as it's expected that, after x-amount of time, the experiment comes to an end and none of it ever happens again.

Ever. But the reality, as always, says something very different and more so when you consider that some guys find out about sex with other guys in their younger days and some find out when they're much older and, yeah, some find out in a way that we're happy to keep ignoring. To make my thoughts even more... ironic, I guess that's the word that fits, my protege and I were chatting yesterday and out of the blue, he asked me if I missed my brother. I felt that he asked me that because, last week, my mother died and when he had asked me how I was doing, I told him I was fine - I was just doing a lot of remembering and all that.

He made me laugh - and maybe on purpose - when he said that he wished that he had a brother and allowed that if he had, they just might have gotten into something together - and I allowed that maybe that would have happened, maybe it wouldn't have.

Before I left Kevin he said, "You are so real about this shit and I don't quite understand why you are."

I had shrugged and said, "Being real about it is the only way to be; anything else is just bullshit and being in denial about a fact of life that's just as real as anything can be. It's just that no one wants to know the truth of this; no one wants to believe that there are really no limits - or few of them - when it comes to people having sex and this? Brothers and even sisters doing each other? No different in reality but we are made to believe that it is. Not supposed to happen, of course... but it's never been said that it [B]can't [/B]happen because at the end of any damned day you wanna point to, it's about sex and the need to do it... and doing it with whoever wants to do it with you."

"It's the reality we don't want to see; it's the elephant in the room that's best ignored and like it's not standing right there. It just is what it has always been and what it continues to be."

"So you're saying that while me and my brother could blame it on the alcohol, what we did ain't nothing new, right?" he had asked.

"That's exactly what I'm saying. There's the whole right and wrong thing but it kinda begs the question that if you and your brother, after it was all said and done, felt it was the right thing to do - even under the influence - then can it really be so wrong? Most people would say it is... and a lot of people know it isn't because it's only wrong if you believe that it is."

And that's the reality of things. I'm just the guy who has the nerve to talk about it. Will Kevin and I get together again? Maybe and it wouldn't surprise me if/when he asks if we could. That, too, is the reality that many people just can't wrap their head around. Maybe Kevin will be more of a mind to really accept his son and grandsons' bisexuality - that's gonna be on him but after the events of the other day, I'm thinking he'll be more positive about things.

It's a part of life whether we agree with it or not. That's the reality.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]"What... what if he wants to do it again?" he asked.

"Are you really asking me what if [B]you[/B] want to do it again?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess...," he admitted.

"Then if you're okay with it and he is..." I said, letting the rest of the sentence trail off. "Look - I'm not saying that you or anyone should violate your principles - I'm just being real about this and I'll say it again: It happens and now it's a matter of what you think about it and what's gonna happen going forward. Like your son and grandsons, y'all are grown-assed men but I get it - you're worried about what someone else is gonna say about it and I'll tell you something about that: Other than me, who else knows it happened?"

"Nobody else," he said - then I saw the "light bulb" turn on over his head. "Oh - I see what you're saying!"

"Real-deal shit," I said. "It's a truth that no one ever wants to know about."

More silence while Kevin processed all of this and, yeah, it had me thinking about my brother and the opinions of others. While I was thinking about that, Kevin cleared his throat, getting my attention.

"So, um, look, um, damn - you wanna come to my place so we can blow each other?" he asked. "I don't know about you but talking about this shit got my dick hard and I noticed yours is, too!"

"Sure, why not?" I said - and off we went. It was fun and I didn't let the fact that he only had one day of experience at it and I didn't let the fact that I wasn't even thinking about him like that bother me all that much. After draining each other dry, I told him about me and my brother and he was moved by it and, as expected, told me he was sorry for my loss.

"I always thought that there was something about dudes getting with each other," he said. "You hear about it like all of the time but, damn, finding out my brother had always wanted to get with me? Why didn't he say something back then?"

"I dunno - maybe he thought you'd freak out or something," I said. "And if he had hit on you back then, do you think you would have went along with it?"

"I dunno," he said. "Damn... I missed out on something, didn't I?"

"Probably but it's a lot of water under the bridge, ain't it? Bring that dick over here..."[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]"Wow, okay," I said and I admit to being surprised; when he said it, I thought he was talking about some time back in the day.

"Ain't that some fucked up shit?" he asked.

"Others would think so but I wouldn't," I said truthfully. "What happened?"

Kevin went on to tell me that he and his brother had been hanging out - and talking about Kevin's son and his announcement - and they were drinking and talking about how things used to be. Kevin said that the next thing he knew, his brother just came right out and said that he had always wanted Kevin to suck his dick and that he had always wanted to suck Kevin's dick.

"That's some crazy-ass shit, huh?" he asked.

"No, not really," I said. "Some hair of the dog tends to bring out the truth sometimes."

Kevin told me that once he got over his shock he told his brother, "We should do it - fuck it, right?"

Then they did and I could tell that he was both troubled... and, um, excited.

"I don't believe we did that shit," he said, shaking his head.

"Lemme ask you this: Did you enjoy it?" I asked; he didn't even have to say that he did - the look on his face provided the answer so I said, "If you both enjoyed it, then it's not a problem... unless one of you makes it a problem."

"Doesn't that shock you?" he asked.

"Ha, over the years, nothing like this surprises or shocks me," I said. "Do you really think you're the only guy who has ever sucked his brother's dick?"

"You?" he asked and I just nodded. He said, "Damn... now I don't feel so bad about it."

"No point in that," I said. "It happened, you said you both enjoyed it - end of story."

"So I'm not really some kind of freak?" he asked.

"I wouldn't say you were," I said. "Sometimes, Kev, shit happens when it's supposed to."[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I had my thoughts yesterday about my brother and people losing their minds over brotherly sex and thanks to a guy I was talking to the day before yesterday. Not a friend so much but we've talked before about a lot of things so, as I was getting out of the car after a trip to the store, we saw each other, spoke, and he asked if I had a few minutes to talk. I said that I did... but let me take this in the house before my lady thinks I got lost.

A few moments later, I'm back outside - masked, of course, and we're social distancing; pleasantries are exchanged, we both agree this COVID shit is some fucked up shit... then he hits me with this:

"I think my son and his sons are, shit, they go both ways."

I took a minute to form my response in my mind then said, "These days? Men are a lot more accepting of it, not like it was back when we were young bucks. Why would you think that?"

Turns out that his son told him that he was bi, as well as telling him that he taught his sons to be open about their sexuality and not to be ashamed of it. "Kevin" was clearly disturbed by this news and felt like he had failed as a father, prompting me to squash that thought.

"Your son is a grown man and, if I remember, your grandsons are old enough to make their own decisions about stuff," I said. "You didn't fail your son; if you made a "mistake," it was trying to hit him with the values you and I grew up with and values that, today, don't really mean a whole lot."

He asked what I would have said or done if I found out any of my kids went both ways... and I laughed and told him that two of the three were bisexual - and I was okay with it and more so because I was bi, too. He seemed to be surprised for a moment then nodded, saying that one of the things he liked about me was that I was a pretty forward-thinking kind of guy.

A moment of silence and just long enough that I thought we were done talking when he kinda made a face then asked, "Can I tell you something and it stays between us?"

"Yes and no one around here will ever know that you said it," I said.

"I sucked my brother's dick," he said and in a voice so low I almost didn't hear him.

"Okay," I said. "I don't find that to be all that unusual."

"I sucked his dick yesterday," Kevin said, his voice even lower.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]If you don't mind, it doesn't matter... and I know that I'm not the only guy who figured this out. If you asked me or could have asked him if we loved each other, we'd both say that we didn't although we did have a grudging respect for each other and that was really along the lines of knowing that if it came to it, we could take each other out - permanently... and it didn't have shit to do with having sex with each other, well, as far as I've been able to figure out, anyway. We didn't always try to off each other whenever we saw each other but it was pretty easy for us to push each others buttons because, being brothers, we knew where all the buttons were. We didn't always agree on stuff and, at the least, we'd argue about whatever we disagreed on.

And then he'd ask, "Hey... you wanna do it?" and I'd say, "Sure - why not?" and no matter how pissed off we were with each other before the question was asked. Sometimes, I wouldn't see or hear from him for months at a time - which was fine with me and probably him, too. But when he'd show up at my door, I knew he wasn't just stopping by just to say hi and I remember asking him about that one day; did he drop by to say hi and find out how I was doing... or was he stopping by so we can fuck?

He laughed and said, "What do you think?" And then we were naked and doing what we always did. Suck each other off. Take a break. Fuck each other and if time allowed, take a break and do it all over again. Nothing unusual going on here.

Just nature doing what nature has always done and continues to do.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3] Did we know better? Yes - no question about that and even as I write this, I remain very mindful of the sin we both agreed to commit with each other and even when I was very reluctant to do it in the first place. The hard part for me was to be able to admit to myself that I just flat out loved having sex with him - we were very good with each other and despite our animosity. We both had been having sex with other guys and we both agreed that while it was good - or sometimes not so good - when we did it - and no matter why we would - it was always good.

I'd often think that brothers bond with each other... just not always in the way they're expected to and certainly not the way we learned to bond with each other. It never failed to amaze me how we could have such great contempt for each other and with deadly intent... unless we were screwing each other silly. Only then could we put our differences aside and it didn't make sense and it still doesn't.

It just was what it was. People who know about this would be disgusted and all that and my reaction to their disgust would be just to shrug; right or wrong, you still can't change what has already happened. We did it and probably way past what would be considered to be acceptable. And it wasn't that we were "enemy lovers" so much as it really drove home a lot of truths that most people just do not want to know about. Did I question the state of my moral compass? I did. A lot. I still do. But I understand sex and that the only limits in place are the ones we - society - put in place and it's an inescapable truth. Guys screw each other... and brothers are no exception in this and, really, neither is anyone who is of a mind to have sex in this way.[/SIZE][/FONT]