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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I’ve done it so many times, sometimes with good reason and sometimes for no other reason than I love doing it. I love the taste, the feel, even that musky scent delights my senses and if he’s being... vocal, well, that works, too. The only sense I have that’s not often not in play is sight; if my eyes aren’t closed, I’m actually watching his dick and, yeah, to see how much of it I can make disappear so that all I can really see is whatever pubic hair he might have.

That whole staring at him as I blow him doesn’t work for me although I will admit that sometimes, I will look at him, you know, to confirm that he’s watching what I’m doing or if, he, too, has his eyes closed.

I’ve never been a patient person. I’ve let those words escape my lips and even though I know it’s going to take some time before he answers - one way or the other - shit, dude - it shouldn’t take you that long to decide if you want your dick sucked and to let your cum blast into my mouth. I’ve had to learn to be patient and to keep my impatience from showing on my face and even to give the impression that if he says no, it’s not that big of a deal - but to not look indifferent so much.

To look at me, he can’t even tell that I’ve already seen how this is going to end should he say yes - now I’m jist waitng for him to say the word.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Do you know what this is like? I do. It’s a situation that I’ve put myself into more times than I care to admit and for quite a few reasons. Sometimes it’s that “deadly” combination of being bored and horny; sometimes, it’s that sense that not only do you “know” that he might not object but it also makes sense to tell him - but not really ask him - to let me do something to him that, shit, he really might not be interested in.

Sometimes, my own compassion gets the best of me to, say, see a friend or, really, any guy I might be with struggling with stress or being overwhelmed with emotion for some reason and there’s not much you can do... and saying, “I’m sorry to hear that...” isn’t going to help matters... but sucking his dick will not only entice him to cum, it will most definitely, if not temporarily, take his mind off of whatever’s fucking with him.

And, really, I do so very much love sucking dick.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]It’s so very different - asking instead of being asked. Being asked is so much easier and if you love to suck cock, it’s even easier because there are only - and really - only two things to think about: Yes... or no? There’s really a lot more going on when you’ve been asked; what are the risks? The consequences? Is this a one-time thing or will it become more involved... and do you even want to be “bothered” with a more protracted and ongoing situation?

Maybe in that short period of time you’re thinking about the last time a guy asked you to blow him... and that time when it all went south? It becomes so... chaotic that the only real consideration returns to those two things: Saying yes... or saying no.

Easy... and easier than sitting and waiting for the guy you just propositioned to say something. Anything. The seconds turn into a minute - what is he thinking? Is he gonna ask why you want to suck him dick and other than the obvious? What do you say about that?

is it possible that you just guessed wrongly? Maybe saw or sensed something that, perhaps, you just imagined? You get irritated - what’s taking him so long? Either you’re gonna let me do it or you aren’t! But you also remain hopeful because you know and understand that any answer doesn’t always come quickly.

Remember that time when a guy you thought you knew well asked if he could suck your dick? Do you remember the shock you felt and maybe a bit of a thrill at getting a forbidden blow job? In that instant trying to imagine what your cock will look like in his mouth, what it feels like to have another guy sucking you... and if you cum, will he swallow it?

Yes... you know it’s a hard question to answer and just as hard as the one you asked him, what, just over a minute ago? Maybe even not really that long ago?

And why isn’t he saying anything? Has he decided to let you suck him off... and now he’s just fucking with you and making you sweat and squirm? Or is the worst about to happen, that he’s not going to allow and now he’s so offended by your offer that he might be contemplating and act of violence?

What is taking him so long?[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]It can be a hard thing to say to a guy, that precarious moment when once the words are out of your mouth, it’s an agonizing wait to see if you guessed wrongly about whatever possessed and prompted you to say this.

While you’re waiting for him to answer one way or the other, your mind is whirling madly, thinking about damage control while also thinking about his cock and how you’re going to suck it if he says yes.

What will he taste like? How will he feel in your mouth? Will he just “be there” and unmoving? Will he watch? Moan? When will that automatic fucking motion kick in? If he cums, how long will it take before he gives up his seed?

And will all of this become moot if he says no? As you continue to wait - and it feels like hours are passing instead of a few scant seconds - what is he thinking about as he’s processing things? If he’s looking at you, do you look like you’re desperate? Worried? Even impatient? Or is he looking at you and as if he never really saw you before and not with just his eyes?[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]And if homey thinks I'm going to blow him again? Ain't gonna happen and there's no way he's gonna be able to prove or convince me that this time ain't gonna be like the last time but, sure - he can give it the old college try and, who knows? I might even believe him or, um, the reality is that instead of him "using" me, I'm the one doing the "using" so I can feed my need to suck dick and swallow spunk.

Except, unlike a lot of guys, I will be nice, respectful, and compassionate about it... because I know what this is like when none of those things are present. And it's also part of the reason why I'm a selfish cock sucker; I'm not sucking a guy's dick to make him happy: I'm doing it because it makes me happy and even when I might not like how it's happening; he think he's using me... and not even considering that I'm using him and, yeah, I have hurt a lot of guys feelings when I tell them that I didn't just blow them for their pleasure alone... because my worst of times taught me some shit about that. I just don't have to be an asshole about it but, yeah - if I'm sucking your dick, don't get it into your head that it's all about you... because it probably isn't.

No offense. If you don't enjoy it, it won't be because I don't want you do but know that I'm going to do whatever I have to do to get you to bust a nut in my mouth and if I'm having fun getting you to do that, you'll have fun, too. It's okay for us to "use" each other like this... but it's not okay to be an asshole about it or act like this doesn't have deep and serious meaning to the other guy because being callous and uncaring can do a great deal of damage and damage that's not easily repaired.

And the bad part is that while not all guys will experience the worst of times, a lot of guys will - and now it's all about how you're gonna deal with it. Many give it up; they can't deal with it or the reality of what it's really like to have sex with some guys. It's one hell of a wakeup call for many guys... but one that, oddly, some guys need to experience so that they can better understand this and, importantly, themselves. I don't and won't ever wish a bad experience on anyone but I am the guy who'll tell you that you just might wind up having one... and to not let it get you all fucked up in the head because you just learned something about men that you really didn't know or think about.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]And I remain the guy who has the nerve to talk about this aspect of it. We never want to experience the worst of times in this and we do whatever we can to avoid getting our own and personal horror stories and, seriously, the only way to avoid having your own book of horrors is to not have sex with men at all. It's why I actually do my level best to scare some guys straight - and literally so. Guys can and have asked, "How bad can it be?" and I'll say to them, "Make yourself comfortable because I'm about to tell you how bad it can be..." and I am not flinging any bullshit about it - that would be unethical and just unnecessarily cruel. I not only know about my worse times but I know about the worse times a lot of guys have had and if you want to know about this, I'm gonna tell you as much of what I know about it that you can stand or want to hear.

I'm not joking when I tell you that this is a life-changing event... and those changes aren't always as nice we might want to think they are or should be. It is exactly why my list of conditions includes a guy not being my idea of an asshole... and a lot of guys have failed to have sex with me because it's a test they can't pass... because I've had enough worse times to be able to see through the dumb shit and the bullshit and, oh, yeah, I'm a guy and because I have sex with women, I do know how to play the game, too, and I'm very good at it.

If you go into any of this thinking that whatever is going on is and should be about you, well, I hate to say it but you're about to learn some shit about men that you probably never really thought about before and it could be very, very ugly. True enough, there are guys who actually like and want to be treated "badly" - they want to be some guy's bitch, fuck toy, and cum dump and, honestly, there's actually nothing wrong with that... unless it's a way you prefer not to be treated - then that becomes a problem. I know I don't like it and those moment have made me feel worse than shit... but I learned to accept it as a learning experience and I do my best to avoid bad situations... but even I don't know if it's gonna be bad or not until I become aware that it's bad. I'm being honest when I say that a lot of times? I didn't feel all warm and fuzzy about the sex after it was over and done with... but while it was happening? Damn it - why did I think that sucking that guy's dick was gonna be a good idea? Honestly? Because I thought it would be and if I didn't like it at some point, that's not really my fault so much and if it wasn't going all that well, I can either stop - and I have done just that - or now it's about trying to make the best of a "bad" situation and being even more honest with myself? Did I get to suck a dick? I did. Did he dump cum into my mouth? Yeah, he did... and because that's exactly what I wanted him to do.

I just didn't like the way he did it.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]If you are unable or unwilling to take the bad with the good, don't even think about having sex with another guy. If you think that getting some dick is always gonna be good and it's always gonna be the way you want it, you might want to reconsider that and I'm not just talking about any sex you might have with "a stranger" because even with a favored FWB, you just don't ever really know what's going on his his head at any given moment and more so when his dick gets hard.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]And, I think it's important to add that should you have some bad moments, don't let it discourage you from having sex like this in the future. We have this... human thing going on with us that says if it was bad this time, it's always going to be bad and, truthfully? That's not always true, that and most of us tend to think that the sex was bad [/FONT][B]after[/B][FONT=verdana] it's over with and something that I've learned to ask guys, "Well, did you think it was bad while it was happening... or did you really say it was bad after the fact?"[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]A seriously important question and one based upon, if nothing else, what I learned about myself in this and, of course, being privy to a lot of guys' horror stories and, yep - most of the time? They said it was bad only after they had time to think about it after it was over with. Some guys would be like me in that somewhere in the middle of things, yeah - this was a bad idea and, yeah, it is strangely easier to just let it be finished than to get into a fight about it and more so when there's always that possibility that you could get your ass kicked on top of whatever you perceived to be not to your liking.

I tell guys that if you really don't understand why women behave the way they do about sex, when you start having sex with guys, you're gonna find out one way or the other and unless you're really "kinky," chances are that you're not gonna like it and then you're going to eventually wind up assing yourself out of any future chances to get some dick because you're going to do everything you can do to avoid whatever you thought was the worst sexual experience you've ever had. And I'll say it again: NO. It is not even easy to be able to put the bad things out of your mind because, again, we approach this shit in a kinda fucked up way: Just because it was bad this time doesn't mean it's gonna be bad - or worse - the next time... and if there's gonna be a next time.

I see guys laying down all kinds of rules and conditions and that's all well and good... and you're fooling yourself if you think some other guy is really and always gonna abide by your rules and conditions... because they might not. If you require a guy to be totally honest about his intentions toward you? Shit... I wouldn't do that because I know -and because I learned it - that men will say and do [B]anything[/B] they have to do or say to have sex with you and the bad part is that you usually won't and don't know if he's being truthful and sincere or you're about to be just a piece of ass to him or otherwise a means to his ends; you're just some guy he gets to bust a nut into in some way and it's off to the next guy. Shit... catching something nasty is really the least of your concerns when it comes to shit like this.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I stupidly set myself up to be raped by a guy. He drugged me and while I was out of my mind, he tied me up and had his way with me repeatedly until whatever he drugged me with wore off, I got free, and I did my level best to kill him; I beat him into a bloody mess, tied him up on the bed - and better than he had tied me up - and left him for dead. And here's the bad part: Not only was I dumb enough to get tricked into, when I had time to really think about it, oh, my god - the sex was actually very good and even in my drug-induced haze, I knew I was enjoying it... and I hated myself for being stupid... and for liking everything he did to me that day.

That incident made me change the way I thought about what was good and what was bad because the thing I had to come to terms with - and it wasn't easy to do that - was the sex was only "bad" after it came to an end... but while it was happening? Um, yeah. I still don't know what he drugged me with but I don't - or can't - remember my dick getting soft at any point. He was sucking me and making me cum and, of course, filling my ass with cum... and, shit, with care at that. I was coming out of the fog and he was fucking me... and my dick was hard and I was even cumming; he busted his nut in me - again - then moved to sit right down on my dick - again - and rode me until I came again. He got off me, left the room for something, but I had shaken off whatever he had dosed me with, gotten free, and waited for him to return.

And tried to kill him. And then realized that I tried to kill him because of my own stupidity and that I wasn't so much mad at him as I was with myself... and, oh, yeah, the sex was pretty damned good. Try to imagine what it's like to be made to understand some shit like that - and then come to terms with it all by yourself... and then being made to see some "terrible" truths, not just about other guys, but about yourself.

And even that fateful day didn't stop me from wanting and needing to have sex with other guys... but it did make me be even more careful and, dare I say, a bit paranoid? It was a "bad" time that, along with the other bad times I had, taught me some very valuable lessons, both where other guys were concerned and myself as well and none of those lessons were easy to learn or accept as the true reality of how things can be when one guy wants to have sex with another guy... because it just might not happen the way you expect it to or as it was promised. If nothing else, that one incident taught me that if I ran into another situation that even remotely resembled that one, I actually had the skill to make them stop if they didn't stop when I asked them to.

And a lot of guys didn't like the way I'd stop them and, really, if he's gonna treat me badly, why should I be the only one to get some shitty treatment? But here's the thing I will tell any guy:[/SIZE][/FONT]