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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I'd also say that once some of us made that connection, some kids would "drop out" of the sexual activities and for those of us who didn't, eh, we just didn't care that boys doing it to boys were faggots and girls doing it to girls were dykes - it was sex... and sex was good and especially when us guys got around to shooting sperm instead of having that really good feeling and not knowing - or maybe not even caring - why at times our dicks would be twitching and jerking and that's all they did.

If anything, it made it possible to have that good, twitchy feeling, take a moment to catch your breath, then go right back at it. Other than having sex with a girl, there just wasn't anything that was more fun than to have a friend's dick in your mouth - and even more so when he was shooting stuff - or having it in your butt and feeling him on top of you and humping away like his life depended on it... then hearing him groan just before you felt his dick twitching in your butt and knowing that he was shooting his baby-making stuff in you and just like we could do with girls.

My friends and I were convinced that the adults who were saying that sex was bad were definitely crazy and didn't know what they were talking about, well, right up until some kids got either careless or just unlucky and got caught in the act... and the punishments were severe for many and sent a message to the rest of us but didn't go a long way to making us stop having sex. The message was very clear: [B]Don't get caught doing it[/B].

In between having sex like it was going out of style, I was learning a lot about it because, not to brag or anything, I was an incredibly smart kid and a very damned curious one. Since my parents and other adults would often lose their cool over all the questions I'd ask them, it just made sense to me that if they didn't want to answer something, well, I had a library card and I loved to read and it also made sense to me to read everything I could get away with reading about sex and all those rules that were getting pounded into my head.

I found out that having sex with boys and girls was called bisexuality. I found out what was wrong about incest and I actually had a medical dictionary that had pictures in and information on how penises and vaginas looked like on the inside, how they worked, and how girls can get pregnant if we shoot our stuff in them at the right time. In this, okay - I better understood why some girls didn't want to have sex and that was regretful... but there were always boys who wanted to so it wasn't that much of a "loss," to put it that way.

Even eventually getting caught screwing my brother didn't change my view of having sex as a bisexual and I still think that I didn't get my ass kicked like I was expecting because my mom probably knew we were doing it and took that moment to stop it... which didn't happen but that's not really the point... but is at a higher level of thought.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]It's very different when you grow up with that "thing" for boys and girls. Kinda scary and/or very exciting to, first, find out about sex and then find out that, if you're a guy, girls aren't the only people you can have sex with. It's a whirlwind of physical and emotional stimulation and, at least for myself, the beginning of questioning everything I'd been told... and what my parents didn't want to tell me.

So much sex; so many experiences in a relatively short period of time. And along the way, learning so much that I'm surprised my head didn't explode trying to process everything and make some kind of sense of it. Still, having sex with a boy, girl, and both at times became second nature to me; it was both very damned exciting and just "more of the same" whenever a bunch of us got together and decided that our time would be best spent having sex with each other and when time and other factors allowed, sometimes all day long especially when school was out.

And so very addictive. I could understand why adults were saying that sex could get you into all kinds of trouble because me and the crew would take risks to do it that, as an adult, I wouldn't dare even think about. And while in those early days life was full of stuff like doing chores and going to school and getting good grades, the highlight of those days was being able to have sex with someone... and pretty much anyone who wanted to and, yeah, that included the dreaded "I" word which, at least back then, was very damned confusing and adults went to great lengths to make sure that their children weren't fucking each other and, well, let's just say that they weren't as successful as they may have hoped to be.

Or, as I was beginning to suspect, they knew what could be going on and chose to do or say nothing unless (a) ya got caught in the act or (b) someone complained about it. We knew about faggots and bull dykes because we'd hear adults talking about this and I don't think any of us connected any of this with what we were doing, well, not 'at first', I'll say.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]If you're not doing this to yourself when you shower, give it a try but do yourself a huge favor: Make sure your fingernails are clipped nice and short and there are no jagged edges! After my shower this morning and thinking about getting a toy, eh, it's not that I have to worry about my wife giving me some shit about having one since she knows all about me. It's just that I know it would be good for me to keep it in my shower... but if someone else were to use that bathroom and get nosey and peek in the shower, yeah, I'm not of a mind to have to deal with someone giving me funny looks or asking me questions I either don't want to answer... or they're not gonna like hearing the answers.

I wouldn't have to reach for it since it's easy just to use a very soapy digit and I don't have to clean a toy or remember to clean it.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I very much remember my first prostate exam. My doctor donned a glove, put that really slick lube doctors just seem to be able to get and said, "Bend over for me, yep, on your elbows." He spread my cheeks and said, "Okay, just a bit of pressure..." and, I dunno, I guess he expected some resistance because as his finger practically flew into my hole, I heard him say, "Hmm..." before he started probing around for my prostate. I didn't get hard... but in the few scant seconds it took him to find my prostate and give a poke, I'd had two orgasms that made me shiver... and as I cleaned the goop out of my hole and crack, I was a little "mortified" wondering if he had noticed my reaction.

Personally, I think he did and more so when I turned to face him, he was trying to not smile a whole lot. He had said, "You handled that better than the majority of my male patients!" and I said, "It has to be done so there's no point in being weird about it, right?" But I knew that he knew why the exam didn't bother me one bit because while he was filling out a slip for lab work, he asked me if I'd ever had anal sex before and I wasn't embarrassed to say that I had. He just nodded and filled out the slip... and I was smart enough to recognize that he'd checked the boxes for STDs and HIV.

He still checks those boxes on my lab work slips and I keep acting like I don't know anything about them which is what I love about my doctor and why he's been my doctor for as long as he has been.

But washing up and/or being in the shower? My thumb feels the best even though I do have long fingers. I was showering this morning with two fingers buried in my ass while washing my legs... and it felt so divine. I replaced my fingers with my thumb and fucked myself for a few delicious moments, feeling that tingle in my cock and balls and shivering when I had yet another orgasm. I would have jerked off with my thumb up my ass.. but the water was getting cold.

Even as I write this, my hole is tingling nicely after the good reaming out I gave it. I do it every day and sometimes two or three times a day... and because it feels so good to do it. I'm thinking about getting a prostate massager of some kind but, for now, I'm content and happy to finger fuck myself. I was lying in bed the other night and massaging my dick; nothing unusual about that since there are a lot of times I'll pop a boner and it'll wake me up enough to make getting myself off the sensible thing to do... so I can go back to sleep and it feels naughty to do it with my wife sleeping next to me. This time, I needed more than just my hand on my dick and without even thinking about it, got my thumb good and wet with saliva and easily slid it into my ass... and when I came, yeah, it was fucking incredible. Sperm is flowing like crazy and every time my dick pulsed, my asshole pulsed and clamped down on my thumb and it left me breathless and I was even surprised that my gasping didn't wake my wife up. Cleaned up the mess I'd made and went right back to sleep.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]There was the added benefit of keeping my hole "trained" and in those times when being fucked couldn't be taken care of and just doing the daily maintenance of being clean down and back there made it a no-brainer to take those opportunities to insert a finger or a thumb - and sometimes, more than one finger - in my ass and experience the delicious feelings of poking my prostate with or without jerking off. To me, it wasn't that different from when I could give myself a blow job: It was a very familiar feeling but also not that familiar since instead of someone else fingering or fucking me, I was doing it to myself. So fucking weird... but so fucking good.

I remember one day being in the shower and, as was now a big part of my shower routine, sliding my thumb in and out of my ass when my wife (at the time) slid back the shower curtain a little so she could ask me something, saw me with my thumb in my ass and, of course, asked me what I was doing and why. I was as cool as the other side of the pillow when I reminded her that the ER doctor had told me that I could do this to, one, be cleaner in there and to cut down on the possibility of those damned hemorrhoids coming back.

Then dragged her into the shower and fucked the daylights out of her; good thing all she had on was her bra and panties. Good fun.

Guys would often mention how easy it was to get in my ass and that I'd rarely complain about how much it hurt going in and I'd just tell them that I'd been fucked so many times that I didn't pay much attention to the pain of entry and, well, since I'd been fucked a lot, of course it was easy to get it in me... but I left out the part where every time I showered or washed up, I'd have a soapy finger or thumb in my ass, too. Sometimes I wouldn't fuck myself - I'd insert a finger or a thumb and just hold it there and pressed against my prostate and, man, does that ever feel good. I could feel it in my dick and balls even though I knew I wasn't one of those guys who could get hard with something in my ass - unless I grabbed my dick and stroked it.

Such a delicious feeling and even more so when, if time allowed, I could stroke my dick and wind up cumming so hard that, one day, I almost fell down because my legs refused to hold me up once I started to cum.

Shit... every guy should be doing this to themselves...[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]In that moment, I knew why it felt good being fucked and the very curious person I've always been wanted to know exactly what was making me feel this way and doing stuff like making my dick ooze pre-cum like crazy - enter the prostate and finding this out was one of those, "Who knew?" things. I had wondered - and had be scared by - guys fucking me and producing similar bomb-like sensations in my body and, once time, a guy was fucking me and I just knew that I had shot my load and I could feel it under me... but the odd part was that I knew my dick wasn't hard.

Maybe I just imagined it? When he came and pulled out and I got off my belly, oh, shit - I had shot a load of cum! It was, of course, all over my abdomen and was clearly in the spot on the bed where my dick had been. What the fuck? I thought it was impossible to cum and your dick wasn't hard! Yeah... apparently not so impossible. And while I would sometimes cum like that when being fucked, it sure as hell produced some pretty intense orgasms which was another mystery to me since, supposedly, guys only had orgasms when they shot their load so this "cumming without really cumming" thing totally baffled me.

But, again, because of those damned hemorrhoids, I'd discovered that I didn't need someone to fuck or finger me to give me that intense rush of pleasure: I could do it to myself and the perfect excuse to do it was anytime time I washed my ass and whether I was showering or just being at the sink. But wait - there's more! It was obvious that I could jerk myself off while finger fucking myself and I have to admit that I felt pretty stupid to have not realized that I could have been doing this all along. When I'd be home alone, I'd get naked, sprawl out on the bed, lube up a finger - and found that my thumb worked just fine, too - slide it into myself and, well, figuring out the coordination involved took a few times to get the hang of but, yeah - who needed a dick and/or someone else for something I could do myself?

Man... I got so hooked on it that it wasn't funny. I could give myself orgasm after orgasm while stroking my dick en route to the big release. The first time I got myself off with my finger buried in my ass, it was insane! My dick was pumping like never before and my hole was clamping down on my finger and in time with my spurts of cum. And the more my finger would bump into my prostate, the more intense the feelings were. I was like a kid with a new toy but I still felt like an idiot over not figuring this out before I did - it just never occurred to me and, yeah, if I wanted to feel good with something in my ass, there were plenty of guys who didn't mind shoving their hard dicks in there.

But to do it to myself like this? Shit... I wish I had figured it out a long time ago...[/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]I've had dicks of all shapes and sizes in my ass and I've had my ass fingered but I didn't "discover" the self-pleasing aspects of fingering my own ass until I wound up with a hemorrhoid situation. I didn't know why my hole was hurting and itching like a fiend and actually went to the ER because I just knew something was very wrong. The doctor comes in - and it just had to be a woman - and I felt a little weird being on my knees with my ass all up in the air and she's spreading my cheeks and poking around with a gloved finger before she announced that I had a hemorrhoid thing going on and it could easily be taken care of.

She put on a new glove, squirted something on a finger and slid it in me and I could feel my dick getting hard as she moved the finger in and out of me for a moment before telling me that this was being done to cleanse the inner hemorrhoidal tissues so she could put a suppository in there. She even showed it to me and, whew, that puppy was kinda fat and had me wondering how I was gonna get that in my butt... and not even giving a single thought to the fact that I'd had dicks in there.

Silly, I know. Anyway, her instructions were to stick a suppository up there twice a day and when possible, use a mild soap on a finger to do a bit of cleaning in the area before inserting the suppository. Well, um, I found that giving myself the finger was, hmm, that felt pretty good and I was thrilled to be able to it to myself and because it felt so weirdly good, ah, sometimes it took a minute or two before inserting the suppository.

The hemorrhoids cleared up and as the doctor had guaranteed they would... but I'd found a new way to pleasure myself which is also how I found out about my own prostate. Now, the doctor had told me not to insert my finger too far in when doing the pre-cleaning part but, yeah, you gotta know that I'd eventually stick a finger in "too far" and the first time I did, I poked my prostate... and it felt like a bomb had gone off inside of me. It kinda hurt... but not really; I felt tingly all over and my vision kinda blurred for a moment and I could feel my anal muscles kinda clamping down on my finger, not a whole lot but enough that it got my attention.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]3-12-21

So it begins...

I found this website on a Reddit. I was intrigued by what I read and joined shortly after in hopes of learning more.

My life was in turmoil as I will share over the course of this blog. But reading through various posts on this site I knew I had found my [B][COLOR=#800080]"tribe!"[/COLOR][/B]

My desire for this blog is two-fold: create a journal of my unfolding and perhaps help others along the way.

Leo
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