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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Have you ever been doing something and, suddenly, it’s like you’re standing outside of yourself and watching what you’re doing and you feel... detached?

I was with a guy; don’t remember his name, don’t remember how we managed to get together and barely remember we were in a house, in a bed, and I’d just finished sucking him off and was now kicked back, still feeling pretty horny and watching him crawl between my legs and settling in to suck my dick.

His mouth closed around me, all warm and moist and I could even feel his lips trembling a little when I felt... detached and that little voice in my head said, “Hey... there’s a guy sucking your dick!” I blinked and kinda shook my head, trying to make sense of how I was suddenly feeling - kinda like I was high even though I wasn’t.

The guy is sucking away on me and it’s feeling wonderful... and I’m still watching him with an odd sense of amazement and wonder and as if I’d never had anyone suck my dick before which, of course, was impossible since, just that morning, I’d had my dick sucked nicely by our live-in girlfriend prior to fucking her and going on about my day.

I’d experienced this... hyper awareness before but never during sex. I play keyboards and, at times, I’m just sitting there watching my hands flying over the keyboard and making music “all by themselves” and I’d say to myself, “Wow... you’re really doing this!” even though I keep been playing since I was seven.

But this? Very different because I’m not doing anything other than getting my cock sucked.[/SIZE][/FONT]

Another Man Done Gone

My primary male playmate these last two years has moved on. My lovely wife and I met him every month or so for epic threesomes. He really spoiled us, for sex, for conversation, for friendship. Good man too. It felt like having a boyfriend. We will miss him.

So, I am looking for a sane bi male playmate, again. The online scene looks like a hookup wasteland, disappointing. It is hard to find a bi male who is honest, safe, polite, etc. So many guys are secretive, desperate, and some are crazy.

I need to be thinking out of the box. Where else will I meet bi guys? Hmm… we are attending a nude potluck this weekend, so we’ll start there.

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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Can you imagine the anticipation? Knowing you were about to see a dick that was bigger than all of your friends combined? Big, very hard with that tasty clear stuff already oozing out? Can you imagine wrapping your mouth around it as much as you can... but you know why this is bad, not for the obvious reasons but because you could read better than any other kid you knew and there was a lot of stuff that told you why having sex with boys was bad?

And can you imagine not giving a fuck that it was bad... because it felt so good? Felt good to suck on a guy’s dick until he couldn’t control himself and shot his stuff in your mouth? That after some pain, it felt good to be screwed like a girl and feel the guy’s stuff going into your butt or, damn it, if he couldn’t get it inside you, he’d shoot his stuff between your butt cheeks and it still felt pretty good?

Between the ages of 9 and 13, I learned more about sex than, I think, some adults did and certainly more than kids my age and a bit older? Not just how to do it or what to do... but why anyone could do it to anyone who wanted to.

Can you imagine what it was like to grow up with all this forbidden knowledge and experience inside your head and under your belt? And then, can you imagine not being in the least bit ashamed that you knew this and had so much sex in the process of learning?

Can you imagine the level of understanding gained to be dick-deep in your sister, knowing how dangerous it was now to fuck her, but to have her tell you something that you missed along the way, that as long as I didn’t get her pregnant, it didn’t matter if we were still fucking... because she loved being eaten and fucked by me even if only because I was always available?

And that it would be the final piece of the puzzle - as I emptied my balls into her - that answered the question of why every adult I knew said that sex was bad?

That I understood that bisexual word I had discovered at the public library that explained everything I had been doing? How it freed me... and how scary this knowledge was? How dangerous it really was? And, importantly, why so many people are scared shitless that this dual way to have sex really does exist?
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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Can you imagine what it was like to have a sister who understood sex the way you did... and you were her favorite person to have sex with and mostly because she taught you how to lick her pussy for a long time before filling her pussy with dick and shooting stuff into her?

Hell, can you imagine boys and girls wanting you to do it to them just cause you could shoot the stuff? That and you were smart enough to know what to do and how to do it... and you hadn’t even reached the age that most guys had puberty land on them like a ton of bricks?

Can you imagine what it feels like to understand that you now had a target painted on you, a sign that told a lot of people that you were available to have sex? To understand that there was a reason to find yourself so very popular and, yeah, it wasn’t always a good thing in that sense?

And your popularity wasn’t limited to your childhood peers? That there were grown men who’d be more than happy to give you $5, $10, even $20 for you to suck their “huge dicks” and lie down do they could do it to you. Was it bad? Oh, yes, it was... but it was still good because I knew anyone could want to do this... and I wanted them to. [/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Can you imagine what it’s like to know that the reason why a lot of guys liked you was because they knew it was easy for them to fuck you and get you to suck their dick?

That your male friends, when they needed to satisfy their urge for dick would seek you out and ask you - unnecessarily - if they could suck your dick and they knew you wouldn’t tell them no?

And finally getting the answer to the question. It wasn’t really or so much bad for boys to have sex with boys - it happens - but I t was bad to be so easy to have sex with and, yeah, I hated it... but not enough to say no to sex.

It was “bad” because you could have sex with anyone and sometimes it was so easy it was really criminal. Would you believe that I was actually mad at my parents because I only had one brother? Or how jealous I was over my friends who had a few brothers?

Can you imagine how it felt to be around other boys and wanting to suck theirs dick and/or feel it in my ass or to have them suck me and wanting to fuck them? It was bad that so many boys wanted to do the nasty with other boys...

Because it felt good to do it like that. And any guy with a dick would work and serve the purpose. I figured it out, figured out that one thing about sex no one - read this as grownups - never wanted to talk about: When it came to having sex, it could be done in many ways and, again, with anybody who wasn’t afraid to do it.

Anyone. Can you imagine how I felt knowing that, one, I knew this and, two, I wasn’t the only one who knew it? That sense of... relief? That sense of understanding? Can you imagine what it was like to share a bed with your brother and, in the dead of night, hear him whispering in your ear that he was gonna stick it in... and you’d just make a happy sound to feel his dick going into your butt and easily since we snuck a big jar of Vaseline into out room?


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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I’ve been writing a lot about how I grew up with bisexuality and what I’d been “conscripted” into learning about that thing they called sex. For all intents and purposes, I was a whore; anyone with a dick could get me to suck it and I’d be more than happy to feel the delicious pain of them shoving their dick into my ass and humoring me until they shot their “baby making stuff.”

I was trying to answer a question: How was something that felt so good be so bad? I’m not exaggerating when I say that all you had to do was show me your dick... and I’d want to suck it and feed on sperm that tasted good... but could taste pretty shitty, too. If you wanted to stick it in my ass, okay, it was gonna hurt and sometimes bad enough to want to beg for the pain to stop... but it would and then it would feel so good and nasty to be fucked, to hear them cussing and making all kinds of funny noises... and telling me how good it felt before they snot their stuff into me.

And I couldn’t get enough... but I still didn’t have the answer to my self-imposed question.[/SIZE][/FONT]

<span style="font-family: verdana"><font size="3">Her brother was in the band, too, and while he wasn’t what I’d call a “tough guy,” he was protective of his sister and either she told him that we’d had sex or he figured out but he decided to confront me during the late afternoon break.<br>
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Threats were made, very harsh words exchanged and somewhere along the line I told him to get over the fact that I fucked his sister and if he didnÂ’t get out of my face, I was gonna whup his ass, make him suck my dick, the fuck him dead in the ass.<br>
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And he said, “Oh, yeah? Make me!”<br>
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So I did. Now I have to say at this point that I did not force him to have sex but I could have since, earlier that year, IÂ’d gotten my first degree black belts in both judo and Shotokan karate. Yeah, I was that smart science and music nerd you did not want to fuck with. I will say that while we did tussle a bit to, uh, somehow lose our pants, no real violence took place.<br>
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I “forced” him to his knees and “forced” him to suck my dick and, honestly, I thought he was no stranger to sucking dick and when I told him I was gonna fuck his ass, he not only knew the position but I had a strangely easy time sliding my dick fully into his ass... and he didn’t make a sound or tried to resist in any way. And it spoke to his level of experience that he could actually talk to me while I was fucking him, asking me if I really did put my “nasty Black pecker” in his sister’s pussy and stuff like that.<br>
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Dude had a deliciously filthy mouth and an ‘unusual’ interest in how good his sister’s pussy was. Hmm.<br>
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I busted inside him, pulled out, flipped him over and gave him the fastest blow job I could; in my head, time was running out and I didnÂ’t want to explain why I was late again returning from the break, He came in my mouth - all sweet and kinda salty And once I finished him and we hurried to get redressed, I thought we were know cool even though I had fucked his sister and almost in the exact same spot IÂ’d fucked him.<br>
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He zipped up, called me a nigger, flipped me the bird, and stormed out of the auditorium. Go figure.</font></span>