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[FONT=Verdana]Human sexuality is a funny thing, not funny Ha Ha, but funny that for the most part, many struggle with it but once they accept it, often wonder where all the anxiety and stress came from. Phillip Schofield just came out gay after over 20 odd years of marriage and I can just imagine the internal struggles he went through over those years. This is controversial and may annoy some but I believe most people, if not all are innately bisexual. They have the capacity to fall in love or pleasure, for the sake of this blog and to keep things simple, men and women.[/FONT]
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[/FONT][FONT=Verdana]The same behaviour is witnessed in the animal kingdom, perhaps not the love part, who knows, so why should humans be any different? I applaud Mr Schofield for having the strength I do not. He has decided that he has to live the remainder of his years the person who he was born to be. Yes, I believe there is an element of genetic coding at play. There isn't necessarily a gay gene, but a gene that may make them more susceptible to same sex attraction and it's more dominant in some than others. When you add in opportunity or situation in to the fray, some will act upon it, even those who claim to be 100% straight.

I myself maintain I was born this way. I didn't become bisexual overnight, it was a long arduous journey over many years and can honestly say that I felt different from mid-late puberty as my hormones really kicked in. I knew I wasn't straight but there was no bisexual back then, it was straight or gay, you had to choose sides so I did and lived with it buried in my inner most soul for a quarter of a century. This journey need not have been anywhere near as long if not for social convention and religion making it so. Who any man or woman chooses to love or have sex with is no one else's business. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana]Perhaps the next human evolution in 1000 years may be further down this path and genders become irrelevant, it's just sex and love, if we don't blow ourselves up first. Until then most of us will just have to continue to live in the shadows or closets, but every so often there is a little light, a glimmer of hope when someone of fame, such as Mr Schofield comes out and the world is full or praise and support, not disgust. I'm sure there's many out there who are full of disgust but the overwhelming response has been positive in the media so I hope it's actually been like that for him out of the spotlight too.[/FONT]
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I believe there are three major stages, realisation, acceptance and acknowledgement when it comes to sexuality. Realisation is not acceptance. I realised from an early age that I had same sex tendencies and like so many, didn't accept it till later on in life. Acknowledgement is the final stage, it's when an individual acknowledges it to others, aka, coming out. It's the stage I am struggling with and may never enter though I would very much like too. It's a stage you don't have too enter, it's totally optional. It's the acceptance stage that matters the most. Acceptance for me is the key to a happy life sexuality wise. I personally no longer feel any guilt associated with my desires, fantasies or dreams because it's nature and therefore natural, not to mention pleasurable. It's a part of who I am, it's a part of who I want to be. I don't want to be straight. Bisexual feels right.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana]As the Pride parade is today in New Zealand, my hope is to one day participate. I never knew why they held the parade when I was wearing my straight mask, I thought it was a bit flamboyant and look at me. It was not until I accepted my sexuality that I understood why. For me, my sense of pride came from the acceptance. I was finally at peace instead of fighting myself every step of the way. I had won the battle even though some would say I lost. I had accomplished what many cannot, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops and I simply wanted to be a part of something bigger than me. This is where the forums come in. It's my parade for the moment. It's my outlet. It allows me to be me. It allows me to express myself. If we all don't use it, we risk losing it and that will be a very dark day for us all.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]“With us, I guess there’s an understanding. If there’s not going to be any fucking, sucking each other off is the thing to do,” I said. “Sometimes, that’s all that needs to be done and everyone walks away happy.”
[/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]“Does the size of the dick matter to you?” she asked?
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“Doesn’t matter to me,” I said. “But like you said, I have a funny way of looking at this. Smaller dicks are easier to suck but any size dick can be sucked.”
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“Was that dude with the 13” dick hard to suck?” she asked, taking my hand and sticking it between her legs - she was sopping wet - again.

”Yes and no,” I said. “He was stupid long but not all that thick - still quite the challenge for me to take him deep.”

”Damn...,” she said as a splash of hot pussy juice flowed over my fingers.

”Your girl asked me why you’re so damned good at eating pussy,” she said - and I knew who she was referring to.

”And what did you tell her?” I asked.

”That you get a lot of practice,” she answered with a giggle. “Did you know you were the first guy she’s ever sucked?”

”I didn’t know that,” I said. I could tell she wasn’t all that experienced but, okay.

”Oh, yeah - she told me after you ate her silly and wouldn’t stop eating her, she had to do something to make you stop.”

”Hmm... all she had to do was tell me to stop - I would have stopped,” I said.

”I told her that but I guess you ate her so good that you were worth her sucking dick for the first time in her life,” my wife said. “And she sucked you off, too!”

“She did and for the record, I did warn her,” I said. I remember the look on the woman’s face when I ain’t my load - it was precious.

”I know, baby,” she said as another squirt of pussy juice covered my fingers. “She won’t blow her husband... but she told me she will suck your dick any time you want her to.”

”I’m honored,” I said - I was actually blushing.

”Still, I didn’t tell her that you’re so good at it because you suck dick,” my wife said. “And speaking of sucking dick...”
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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]“About sucking dick?” I asked.

”Yeah - talking about what we liked and hated about it,” she said. “Like, do you get mad when the other guy doesn’t cum?”

”I used to,” I said. “But if he can’t cum, well, it’s not for a lack of trying on my part but it happens - just another one of those things that doesn’t make sense to get bent over.”

”Ever had a guy say he wasn't gonna cum in your mouth - and he did?” she asked.

“The question you should ask is did I believe them when they said it,” I said, laughing. “See, when I suck a guy’s dick, I want him to cum and I expect him to no matter what he says before the fact.”

”Women hate that shit,” she said.

”Most women would rather have it in their pussy than their mouth,” I said. “Some guys are like that, too, but for the most part? It’s an expectation that most guys never bitch about. Dicks get sucked and the sperm is going to flow. Now it’s a question if there’s time - or anything left in the tank - to do it again.”

”I think you could teach my girlfriends a lot about sucking dick,” she said. “And I know you know which ones I’m talking about, don’t you?”

”I do,” I said - after I stopped laughing. “But it’s different with women; sure, we’d love to be sucked off but that’s not likely to happen and there’s no point in being mad about it although, yeah, it’s kinda fucked up that y’all want us to spend all day with our faces between your legs so y’all can cum over and over and over... but won’t finish us off.”

”You act like that’s something new,” she said - after she got done laughing.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]My first wife and I were lying in bed and cuddling after the third time we’d had sex that day when she asked me, “How many dicks have you sucked?”

I didn’t expect the question but I roamed through my mind for a long two minutes before telling her, “Honestly? I think I lost track somewhere around 1977...”

”That many, huh?” she asked and I didn’t have to see her to know she was grinning. “You’ve probably sucked more dicks that I have.”

”Probably,” I allowed. “Shit, I’ve been doing it since I was nine and you already know about the guys I grew up with - if we could spare even five minutes, we’d suck each other just to have something to do.”

”Do you have a best experience and the worse one?” she asked.

”Damn, I think I stopped thinking like that before I lost count,” I said with a laugh. “I figured out that there’s really no such thing as a good or bad experience since either thing will teach you something for the next time.”

”Okay... have you ever sucked somebody off and wish you hadn’t?”

”Sure - who hasn’t?” I replied. “Some guys - as you know - are just assholes about it, too rough and other shit that would make anyone second guess their decision to blow them. It used to piss me off... but I didn’t see the point in being pissed about something I couldn’t do anything about and to take a more positive outlook.”

”Like what?” she asked.

”I got to suck some dick,” I said. “I realized that good and bad are arbitrary but the one constant was the dick got sucked, the guy came, the need was satisfied.”

”You have a funny way of looking at it,” she said.

”Probably; not all guys look at it like that and I know women don’t - well, not all women get all fussy about it,” I said, shrugging in the darkness. “To me, which thing was more important - being able to suck dick or fussing about whatever? It’s like when women say a guy can’t fuck or eat pussy and the shit can get pretty ugly but, to me, it doesn’t matter... because I got the pussy, didn’t I?”

”Good point,” she said.

”Why are we talking about this?” I asked.

”Just curious,” she said. “The girls and I were talking about it yesterday.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]This guy is having a fun good time sucking my dick; I can see him feel him and because he’s shifted his position, I can feel his renewed erection pressing against my leg - and I’m actually impressed that he’s even hard again... and that makes me feel even more detached because as my dick is sliding in and out of his mouth as he holds his head still, I‘m thinking after he makes my body cum, I’m sucking his dick again.

I shudder and sigh... and the next thing I know I’m caught in the throes of my release, ending my sense of detachment and as I give into it, my last detached thought was, “Hmm, didn’t see that coming...”

Whatever just happened is over with; my cock is softening and I’m... confused? What the fuck just happened other than the obvious? He releases me and my body starts to move so I can blow him again and I hear him ask me if I’m okay - but I don’t answer him, get settled in place, and taste his cock for the second time. And I’m a little worried - is that out of body feeling going to hit me again? I literally shake the thought away so I can make this guy cum in my mouth again and eventually, he does.

I’m happy, he’s really happy but he asks me a question I couldn’t answer: “Where did you go while I was doing you?” Shit, I hadn’t noticed that he picked up on my detached feeling - I was too busy being enthralled over the fact that there was a guy sucking my dick and a bunch of other things that, normally, I wouldn’t even be aware of, let alone paying any attention to.

I shrug... because I don’t want to sound crazy trying to explain it to him. He smiles and says, “I don’t know where you went but you should go there more often; I had a really good time sucking your cock! Maybe we can do this again some time?”

I don’t really remember driving home; that sense of detachment has me rattled and I spent my ride home trying to figure out what happened, not that I felt I could do that because I’ve never figured out why it happens when I’m playing my keyboards, either.

I’ve “zoned out” during sex before, been totally oblivious to my surroundings as I’ve sucked cock or eaten pussy... but this was both fascinating and damned scary... and I wanted it to happen again so I could try to understand it as much as I prayed it never happened again...

Do you know the feeling?

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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Stranger still, I’m not just watching him - I am seriously paying attention to what he’s doing to me, from noticing the beads of perspiration forming on his forehead to the feathery, nervous kind of touch as his free hand fondled my balls.

I can hear him working hard to breathe, can feel him battling with his gag reflex; I can feel the heat flowing off of him in waves and making my legs all sweaty and, oddly, I can feel his pulse through the hand that’s wrapped around the base of my cock and knew his heart rate was up to 120 bpm.

Meanwhile, my body is loving what he’s doing but in this detached state, I’m not really paying attention to how he’s making me feel - it’s like what I see him doing has nothing to do with me. I am watching him like he’s sucking someone else’s dick... and taking notes.

He removes the hand holding my dick and stops playing with my balls, sliding both hands under my ass and lifting me as best he can and my body responds by starting to fuck into his mouth and in my detached state, I find it very curious to see all of this happening the way it is. My body knows what to do and it’s running on autopilot and this, too, is strangely fascinating; I’m aware of my own breathing - fast and a bit shallow and I feel like I’m running a temperature of 101 degrees and my heart rate is starting to ramp up to just over 100 bpm.

And it’s all very fucking weird how aware I am of everything around me - including the dog barking outside and to the right of my current location and position.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Have you ever been doing something and, suddenly, it’s like you’re standing outside of yourself and watching what you’re doing and you feel... detached?

I was with a guy; don’t remember his name, don’t remember how we managed to get together and barely remember we were in a house, in a bed, and I’d just finished sucking him off and was now kicked back, still feeling pretty horny and watching him crawl between my legs and settling in to suck my dick.

His mouth closed around me, all warm and moist and I could even feel his lips trembling a little when I felt... detached and that little voice in my head said, “Hey... there’s a guy sucking your dick!” I blinked and kinda shook my head, trying to make sense of how I was suddenly feeling - kinda like I was high even though I wasn’t.

The guy is sucking away on me and it’s feeling wonderful... and I’m still watching him with an odd sense of amazement and wonder and as if I’d never had anyone suck my dick before which, of course, was impossible since, just that morning, I’d had my dick sucked nicely by our live-in girlfriend prior to fucking her and going on about my day.

I’d experienced this... hyper awareness before but never during sex. I play keyboards and, at times, I’m just sitting there watching my hands flying over the keyboard and making music “all by themselves” and I’d say to myself, “Wow... you’re really doing this!” even though I keep been playing since I was seven.

But this? Very different because I’m not doing anything other than getting my cock sucked.[/SIZE][/FONT]

Another Man Done Gone

My primary male playmate these last two years has moved on. My lovely wife and I met him every month or so for epic threesomes. He really spoiled us, for sex, for conversation, for friendship. Good man too. It felt like having a boyfriend. We will miss him.

So, I am looking for a sane bi male playmate, again. The online scene looks like a hookup wasteland, disappointing. It is hard to find a bi male who is honest, safe, polite, etc. So many guys are secretive, desperate, and some are crazy.

I need to be thinking out of the box. Where else will I meet bi guys? Hmm… we are attending a nude potluck this weekend, so we’ll start there.