Awaiting The Outcome

[fredtyg]

Just thought I'd mention I'm on the edge of my seat waiting to hear the results of danreidbarmi's outing to his wife. He said he and his wife were taking their daughter off to college yesterday and he was planning on telling her about his bisexuality on the way back home. I'm guessing that would be today?

Why I'm so concerned, I'm not sure, but I do know it could be a pivotal moment in his marriage, one way or the other. I just hope it works out for him.

I told him privately I don't envy his position. I was lucky in that I outed myself slowly, over time, to my wife. First by just making a few drunken ramblings and then over the years expressing more interest in homosexual activity. I think it kind of acclimated her to it. Don't know how she would of handled it if I would of just dropped it on her all at once.

Anyway, on pins and needles waiting.

[mikey3000]

I wish him well. It's been about a year since I came out to my wife and it's still not easy. In fact I think it's getting harder.

If I could only turn back the clock.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Uhmm, is he a member here?
Cat

[fredtyg]

Uhmm, is he a member here?
Cat

Yes, he is. A relatively new one, I believe. He's the one that started the thread in regards me suggesting he classify himself sexually with my percentage scale.

[fredtyg]

If I could only turn back the clock.

Are you saying you wish you hadn't outed yourself to her now?

[tenni]

hmm Marchhare????

So, what is your story?

Why the fevrant rants about disclosure?

Are you really a chic whose husband is a biman and he cheated on you? ...or didn't come out to your own wife ending in divorce?...or...?..:bigrin:

[tenni]

Tenni because it's the right thing to do.

If you're lying and cheating on a spouse and you condone this, this just shows a reflection of the lack of morals and values that you have.

Well, if you were the one person doing this or had personal experience, I can see your reaction, otherwise it seems like an over reaction to me for you to constantly harrang Dan? Morals are subjective. If you are a bisexual and suck dick, morally some find you just "wrong" and damned to hell.

[slipnslide]

You are not going to get lots of support here for claiming that it is somehow OK and fine for someone to lie to their spouse and cheat on them with other sexual partners.

The cheating is bad but many a marriage still exists because one partner knows that being honest 100% of the time likely won't work in their situation.

[Billys_gurl]

I see nowhere where anyone said that Dan was doing anything with anyone. So why the cheating comment? I don't understand, are we all cheating on our spouse if we are bisexual and married? Or JUST the ones that haven't told their spouse yet. My hubby only knew about a year ago that I was bisexual but I have not been with a female.

[kat_1966]

When I met my bf I never knew he was bi for along time. I honestly dont think he would of told me, but I confided in him I had always had fantasies of being with another woman. After telling him that he started saying little things that made me wonder. So one day I just came out and asked him. He did admit it. I really didnt see no difference between us, except for he had the courage to act out his fantasy and I hadnt. However as time went on I started finding out a little more than I wanted to know, or maybe I did need to know. He had cheated on his ex with other men. I dont have a problem with him being bi, however I do have a problem with cheating. I have told him I want him to be satisfied in every way. But I must always be included. Although I must say there is always doubt in the back of my head now. My ex cheated on me. I dont think it matters if they cheat with a woman or a man. It all still hurts the same. I love him with all my heart. I am 42 and for the first time in my life I know what true love is. How it feels to know that this is the person you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with. Now at times I do get scared, but I dont go overboard. I just keep telling myself, what he done was in the past and had nothing to do with me. There is no doubt in my mind that he does love me. I can feel it, but do you guys and gals think if someone cheats on their spouse (man or woman) in the past. They always will?

[tenni]

"I really could care less about what others feel about me based on my sexuality. If they feel that strongly about me not being heterosexual I doubt we'll get along so I don't want anything to do with them."


With that information, no one cares what you think about how they live their life as far as mongogamy or going outside a relationship. Just don't cheat on anyone and you will be happy. Leave it for others to decide how to livetheir life. Back off with the judgemental asshole statements.

[fredtyg]

Telling you that lying to a spouse and cheating on them behind their back is wrong and dishonest is not a "judgemental asshole statement".

Well, it is a judgmental statement. Maybe there's a place for that here and maybe not. I think most of us here try not to be too judgmental realizing there's all types of people on this site. Then again, maybe a lot of the comments here involve some sort of judgment?

That said, I suppose even some of us who "cheat" on our spouses feel like it's cheating. In Dan's case, he's admitted both here and on his blog that he is cheating and he doesn't feel right about it. That's why he wants to out himself to his wife.

That's why I suppose I felt a kinship with Dan when I read his story. I know what it's like being married to a woman but sometimes having an almost unbearable urge for sexual contact with men. I feel it myself all the time and, yes, I have cheated and will likely continue do so if the opportunity arises (easier said than done, finding guys to fool around with, that is).

As for myself, as I've written before in these forums, I might well be "cheating" in many people's eyes. Maybe even my own. But sexual contact with men is very important to me.

And it's not like I'm bringing anything home to the wife. We haven't had sex for at least 5 years. I haven't even kissed her in the last 3 or 4 years. That's not from lack of affection but because she's immune deficient from a bone marrow transplant she received maybe 4 years ago. I don't want her to even catch a cold from me.

She knows I'm queer and that I'm interested in guys, but she doesn't know I actually pursue them. I guess that's cheating, but I don't see any harm coming to her if I suck a guy's cock or take one up my ass. I just don't see a problem with our platonic relationship if I have sex with other men.

[void()]

"She knows I'm queer and that I'm interested in guys, but she doesn't know I actually pursue them. I guess that's cheating, but I don't see any harm coming to her if I suck a guy's cock or take one up my ass. I just don't see a problem with our platonic relationship if I have sex with other men."

First, I'm sorry to hear about your wife's condition. Hopefully, things will improve. Now, on to some talk.

Even being platonic, do you not respect your wife? Do you not respect yourself?

This is what you appear to be conveying to me. Of course, I could be reading it different from what is intended. But if you do respect her and yourself, what harm is there in honesty? I'm not judging but curious. For me cheating will never be a question because I refuse to cheat. I'm too honest I guess.

[fredtyg]

Even being platonic, do you not respect your wife? Do you not respect yourself?

I like to think I do. I don't really see how not telling her I sucked some guy off is disrespecting her. I could see it if her and I had regular sexual relations.

I have broached the subject before. Some years ago, when she pretty much told me she wasn't into sex anymore, I asked her if she cared if I had a boyfriend. She simply replied that if went that route, we might as well get divorced- something I'd really rather not do.

I think her position comes because she comes from a religious background where sex is only supposed to be monogamous and only within marriage (it was a big deal with her family when one of her sisters was found out to have been pregnant before that sister got married). I guess she assumes I should be satisfied jacking off by myself the rest of my life.

I've thought about bringing the issue up again as that was some years ago we had that conversation and she seems to be more comfortable with my feminine side over the last few years, chuckling when I made a sexually oriented remark about a guy we both found attractive and even making me some girlie panties that I could wear.

Maybe I'll broach the subject with her again one of these days. Maybe not.


But if you do respect her and yourself, what harm is there in honesty? I'm not judging but curious. For me cheating will never be a question because I refuse to cheat. I'm too honest I guess.

The harm would be her getting upset over something I'm not sure should be any of her business- if only due to the nature of our relationship. I appreciate your being too honest to cheat. I'm just not gonna limit the sexual activity for the little time I might have left on this earth to jacking off by myself in the back room. Might be fine for you, but it's not for me.

I might add, I very rarely get to fool around with guys but I am constantly looking for Mr. Right. And I'm not out hitting the town every night, cruising, while she sits at home alone. I'm around her most of the time, or so it seems, day and night so it's not like she's suffering- either physically or emotionally- from me neglecting her for other guys.

[slipnslide]

I like to think I do. I don't really see how not telling her I sucked some guy off is disrespecting her. I could see it if her and I had regular sexual relations.

I have broached the subject before. Some years ago, when she pretty much told me she wasn't into sex anymore, I asked her if she cared if I had a boyfriend. She simply replied that if went that route, we might as well get divorced- something I'd really rather not do.


There's the answer. Her wish seems to be pretty clear: "if you want to fuck around with guys, we should probably end our marriage". So, you play a part - the loving husband, faithful husband - even though it's completely untrue. Respecting her would be coming out and saying, "yeah, I want a boyfriend so I can have sex" and end the marriage. She's only not ending the marriage because she's being lied to by you - she thinks you're being faithful. How can you not see that as disrespecting her?

Sometimes people can appreciate the situation better if they reverse the roles. Try that. Put yourself in her situation, imagine finding out that your husband is sucking off guys behind your back against your wishes. How do you imagine that would make her feel?

Maybe there's a guy out there who would love and respect her in a way that you're not willing to do. Doesn't she deserve that?

[tristancir]

I hope things work out for him.

My wife and I finalized the fact that I'm bi only a few months ago. There have been hints all along. Her biggest fear was that I would leave her for a guy; which I would never do.

We do have a good relationship and this additional level of openness has improved things for us. A few nights ago, I was out at a conference. When I got home she asked me jokingly if I flirted with any guys. A little insecurity on her part? Maybe. But at least she could voice it openly without any accusations or me being defensive. If I did flirt, I would have told her.

The thing with us is that we know each other. We support each other. Who knows what will happen in the future. I can only hope we do it together.

[fredtyg]

Try that. Put yourself in her situation, imagine finding out that your husband is sucking off guys behind your back against your wishes. How do you imagine that would make her feel?


Under our situation, I don't see why it would be a big deal to her. She doesn't want to have sex with me.

How about reversing the situation: How would I feel if I found out she was seeing some other gal and licking pussy? I think that would be fine.

[slipnslide]

Under our situation, I don't see why it would be a big deal to her. She doesn't want to have sex with me.

How about reversing the situation: How would I feel if I found out she was seeing some other gal and licking pussy? I think that would be fine.

She's already made it clear that it would be a big deal to her. I'd-want-a-divorce big enough deal.

Let's try syllogistic logic:

If you have sex with men your wife will want a divorce
You have sex with men
Therefore, you wife will want a divorce.

Answer us all please, doesn't that women deserve a guy who respects and loves her enough to be honest with her and gives her the divorce she wants if he's fooling around with men? Simple enough question, yes or no?

[sammie19]

Under our situation, I don't see why it would be a big deal to her. She doesn't want to have sex with me.

How about reversing the situation: How would I feel if I found out she was seeing some other gal and licking pussy? I think that would be fine.

What you think and feel doesnt matter in this instance. What she thinks and how she feels is what matters.