DISCOURGED

[Falling Leaves]

I go to bed with a heavy heart tonight and a loss of a sense of freedom.

I posted on one thread here and made positive comments. Later I received a private message from another member basically "warning" me about the person whom I posted about????

I understand the concern expressed to me by the member, yet I don't know everyone's "history" as I am relativley new here. Don't I have the freedom to post what I want when I feel the need, to support others and to be encouraging??

Don't I have the opportunity to say what I want and how I feel without being judged by others??? I am just discouraged.

I have met many fine people here!! And some who are now treasured friends.
So aren't we here to support each other and accept each other for who we are?

Again I say I am discouraged and just don't know what to think right now...

[Long Duck Dong]

lol welcome to the internet......

bisexual.com is like any social group...you have a varied range of people and not all of them see eye to eye..... for what ever reason..... and yes the site is no different......lol

I regularly do not see eye to eye with people, hell I am famous in the site for it lol..... but I bear no ill feeling towards people and wish no ill on people, simply cos I disagree with them......

like any group, not everybody accepts and supports everybody.... people may want to see that and have that, but society doesn't work that way and nor does the site..... hence you will see and hear mention of the various * cligues * in the site....

we may be lgbt/ hetero in the site, but our tolerance and respect of some members is as varied as our sexualities....lol....the best you can do, is just shrug, smile and go with the flow...and enjoy the company of the people that you feel drawn to.....

[citystyleguy]

mmm...! warning as in be advised about someone, or a warning as in dont mess with this other person, or i will do...what to you!?

i have received, what i would call adviosry's from others here, regarding other persons. i just made 'mental note' for the future, but otherwise did not let it bother me, but then this was done in good faith, not as a threat!

as my mother would do, have a nice hot toddy, and you will sleep that much the better!

[Realist]

FL, If you asked me, I'd advise you to make your own decisions and try not to let those who are abrasive to you, get on your nerves.

No one can make friends with everyone. Some people revel in being as irritating and antagonistic, as possible; their pleasure is creating misery.

You can interact with those who interest you, exchange ideas in a polite and stimulating way, then ignore the rest. I've had to learn to do that, myself.

Like most of us, you're on a journey and the road's not always smooth.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

[RobUK]

FL, honestly, I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Everyone on here (unless they are here and ignored the Ts+Cs) are (supposedly) adults. We should all be beyond that kind of behaviour...

If certain members want to act like some schoolyard bully, or form high-school-esque clique, let them! The good thing about the internet is that there is VERY LITTLE they can do! Just ignore them...
:cool:

[Falling Leaves]

Thank You all for your posts since I left mine last night. I have since also received 2 positive and supportive pm's from other members relaying the same. I will move on from here. Thanks again..FL

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Leaves-Honey, dont worry about what other people think or say. You are a grown person and dont have to, pardon the expression, take chit from anybody! Dont let one buffon make you feel bad about expressing your personal opinions or answering someone else. They saying something like "Well dont speak to so and so" sounds like a school yard stunt and isnt worthy of your time or attention.
I keep hearing that we have cliques, and thats just another attempt at classification and labels. Just because several of us have known each other for a long while doesnt mean we are a so called clique.
Just make up your own mind about people darlin, and dont let a few bullies try to influance you or try to make up your mind for you.
You be You Hon, and dont give a damn about what others think. :};)
Cat

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Ok, I have to amend this. I wasnt awake thoroughly this morning when I read the post nad misunderstood it. I thought that someone was "Warning off" Leaves on people, telling her she Couldnt talk to certain folks. What had happened was someone was Advising her on a certain asshole and troll or tow. Now This I can understand. We all know that we have assholes that come in a purposely try to stir shit up and start trouble. Those are trolls, but we also have a couple who just plain get off on causing distension and conflict. I can see some of us "Old timers" advising new folks on those that we know of, that's just being a good person and giving them a heads up. In my personal opinion, the person that advised you on that certain individual did so correctly, because she's Right.

When I read the word "Warning" I took it in a whoole different connetation this morning, but the advise I gave was still valid. If we tell someone about a trouble maker, that's a good thing, and not giving someone a Warning like I mistook it to be. A persons' just gotta watch and observe and go from there. Thank the person for their care, but make up your own mind. All a person can do is take the advise and ponder it, but make up your own mind. But if 20 people tell you 'She/he's/it's an asshole, then there must be some valid truth to it. And many of us have been here long enough to know who the assholes and trolls Are.
But in the end, its your call Sweetie. :}
Cat

[Falling Leaves]

point understood

[Canticle]

Falling Leaves. I have gauged, from the posts, which I have read, that you are an intelligent person and well able, to decide for yourself, who to speak to and who not to speak to.

It can be a very big mistake, to decide that anyone is this or that, merely by reading the type written word. One has to get used to a writing style and notice all the little inflections and nuances, which may give one a pointer, to a persons character. Of course, we may sometimes be a bad judge of character and be totally wrong about someone. Other times. our judgement may be correct and this other person, may be a very good person.

It is very difficult to tell what a person may really be like....just by their type written word, for a line of type, is not a three dimendional, face to face encounter. Therefore, I believe it wrong, for people to be so quick to judge another, merely by the type they see upon the screen and by what may be told to one, about said person, by others.

There are some people...who, Yes...do like to cause trouble, but I have found these people to be few and far between and very often, others would not judge them as trouble makers. I never call anyone a troll. I know the word is in the urban dictionary and relates to someone who causes havoc upon forums or in chat rooms.....but I prefer to take every post, as I find it.....short, or long, agreeing, or disagreeing with what I think or believe. However, there will always be people, who see things another way.....it's called having a point of view and freedom of thought.

''What had happened was someone was Advising her on a certain asshole and troll or tow. Now This I can understand. We all know that we have assholes that come in a purposely try to stir shit up and start trouble. Those are trolls, but we also have a couple who just plain get off on causing distension and conflict. I can see some of us "Old timers" advising new folks on those that we know of, that's just being a good person and giving them a heads up. In my personal opinion, the person that advised you on that certain individual did so correctly, because she's Right.''

Here, I am not sure what Cat means by ''distension,'' as this term is usually used to describe medical conditions, such as when one has a distended, or enlarged sromach, due to gas, or fluid. It can also refer to problem within the brain, or the male testes.

As for ''Old timers,'' advising what would be termed ''newbies,'' that a certain person is an ''asshole,'' this can only ever be the individual's opinion and it doesn't matter how long, one has been a member of a site, for there are people, that some would describe as, ''assholes,'' and they may well be ''Old timers,'' and they can found everywhere...on any site, so information passed on, may not be accurate.

It's a bit like being at school and the teacher giving the first child a word and each child, in turn, has to whisper the word to the next child. If around 30 children are involved, the word that the 30th child tells the teacher, will never be anything like the starter word.

Hence, what people may deduce, about the character of another, may be totally incorrect, especially if that person is not personally known and a long history of contact not experienced.

So, how do we decide, that the opinion of an individual, or even a few individuals, is correct? We can't. We can only decide for ourselves.

''If we tell someone about a trouble maker, that's a good thing, and not giving someone a Warning like I mistook it to be. A persons' just gotta watch and observe and go from there. Thank the person for their care, but make up your own mind. All a person can do is take the advise and ponder it, but make up your own mind. But if 20 people tell you 'She/he's/it's an asshole, then there must be some valid truth to it. And many of us have been here long enough to know who the assholes and trolls Are.''

Again, we are talking about the judgement of individuals. Just because a few people may judge some one a ''troublemaker,'' this is not necessarily the case. Individual prejudices come into play and we are all guilty of that. So, if one is told that ''she/he/it,'' (though I have yet to meet an 'it'), is an ''asshole,'' there is not, necessarily, any validity to the remark.

We all can be ''assholes,'' at times. either deliberately, or accidentally. So, to decide, from the mere experience, of lines of type, that someone is an ''asshole,'' is a bit like judging someone a moron, a troublemaker, an idiot, or having three personae, just because we do not agree with them.....and just as insulting.....as those people who are genuinely rude and vulgar and insulting.

What one should be, is wary of all. A sad thing, to have to say, but I long ago decided that if you trust no one, you don't get disappointed. However, this is easier said than done. We think that we know people and then, maybe after several years, we discover that we don't.

It's a difficult area, but one, we would be better learning about, at our own espense and not necessarily with information from others, who may be totally wrong about a person and yet a staunch supporter, of another, who they have, just not seen through and seen, that the icing on the cake, covers a bitter almond paste.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Yeah, thanks for quoting me so eloquintly. Leaves is a big girl, and fully grown. She's perfectly capable of seeing folks as they are, and is able to make her own conclusions.
HAND.
Cat

[Canticle]

Of course she is. This I know. Cat, I didn't quote the words (so eloquently), because they were written, by any particular person. They would have inspired me to write something, whomever had penned then.

High Fives you back.....or as one does in chat....^5.....nut not with my arthritis crippled hand.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

uhmm, I didnt give you a high 5. HAND means Have A Nice Day.....

[Canticle]

uhmm, I didnt give you a high 5. HAND means Have A Nice Day.....

Really? I am not one for abbreviations.....not often. The word HAND, I took to mean either ''high five,'' or ''talk to the hand.'' However, I will now store that upper case greeting, or wish, in my memory bank and remember it, for the next time I see it used.

Oh, it has been a nice day. Gloriously sunny and warm, the gods truly smiling down, upon the earth below, from their sunny home, in the sky. It makes the Song Thrush and the Blackbird, sing out loud and most melodiously.

The first day of Summer. So beautiful it brings joy and a feeling of contentment, for though all is not perfect in this world, the countryside looks amazing.

I do hope, that you had, a perfectly nice day.

Correction of typographical error:-

''nut not with my arthritis crippled hand.''

should read

''but not with my arthritis crippled hand''

I hate making typographical errors.

[onewhocares]

Falling Leaves,

You are a most intuitive and smart young woman whom I believe can get to know people and make her own mind up. As others have said this is a site where there are many many people who have different mind sets and perhaps like to share their thoughts were perhaps keeping them to themselves might have been best. Perhaps the intensions were good.

I have always been of the opinion that we should get to know each other before we can judge. If however someone was being discourteous and down right mean...well I would be the first to say something.

Belle