how do i get my lady to except her bisexuality?

[biblkman]

I am a bi man, I have just recently accepted and em braced my bisexuality( a couple years ago) . But my lady hasn't accepted hers. I am 35 and she is 28, we met when she was 23, we have been together for four years and a couple years ago we sat down and talked about our sexuality, she confided in me that she had sex with a female friend when she was 16 and had had sex with a female when she was 22 and had sex with her about 5 times. So I shared with her that I had been with a man twice when I was 21. And we both admitted that we enjoyed it and still think about being with the same sex. It felt good to find someone who understood what I was going through such as the confusion, insecurity, the shame ( due to family friends and society) . To finally be able to be me and not have to hide it, was a big relief. But now when we talk about doing 3 sums with a bi man or women or couple that's both bi she seems unintersted, when she has been drinking and were getting freaks she wants a female bad! She will go on and on about what she wants to do to her and she reply gets into flicks with girl girl but like I said only when she's been drinking, sober she still fantasies about being with women but not as strongly. Sober or drinking I admit I like dick and that I am bi and would love to be with a man again be it in a 3sum or a bi couple. But her sober or drinking will say she don't consider herself bi, even though she has been with females and wants to do it again, but has no problem saying I'm bi. I don't understand she knows i not only accept her bisexuality but am turned on by it. None of our family and friends know this about us cause they are closed minded and too judgmental. So I am the one person she can be comfortable being herself with but she won't admit to me or herself that she is bi. How can I get her to admit to me and herself that she is bi? I feel once she admits it she will be more comfortable being herself, I think she's ashamed to admit it. I say fuck everyone else she can be herself with me.

[Annika L]

I am a bi man, I have just recently accepted and em braced my bisexuality( a couple years ago) . But my lady hasn't accepted hers. I am 35 and she is 28, we met when she was 23, we have been together for four years and a couple years ago we sat down and talked about our sexuality, she confided in me that she had sex with a female friend when she was 16 and had had sex with a female when she was 22 and had sex with her about 5 times. So I shared with her that I had been with a man twice when I was 21. And we both admitted that we enjoyed it and still think about being with the same sex. It felt good to find someone who understood what I was going through such as the confusion, insecurity, the shame ( due to family friends and society) . To finally be able to be me and not have to hide it, was a big relief. But now when we talk about doing 3 sums with a bi man or women or couple that's both bi she seems unintersted, when she has been drinking and were getting freaks she wants a female bad! She will go on and on about what she wants to do to her and she reply gets into flicks with girl girl but like I said only when she's been drinking, sober she still fantasies about being with women but not as strongly. Sober or drinking I admit I like dick and that I am bi and would love to be with a man again be it in a 3sum or a bi couple. But her sober or drinking will say she don't consider herself bi, even though she has been with females and wants to do it again, but has no problem saying I'm bi. I don't understand she knows i not only accept her bisexuality but am turned on by it. None of our family and friends know this about us cause they are closed minded and too judgmental. So I am the one person she can be comfortable being herself with but she won't admit to me or herself that she is bi. How can I get her to admit to me and herself that she is bi? I feel once she admits it she will be more comfortable being herself, I think she's ashamed to admit it. I say fuck everyone else she can be herself with me.

We all come to our sexualities when and as we're ready. There is no reliable way to hurry a person, and trying to do so could be harmful, or could have the opposite of the desired effect. I'd advise that you be careful and patient. Communicate your needs (all of them), and encourage her to communicate about hers (all of them)...and be understanding of hers...including, perhaps, the need *not* to explore her sexuality at this time.

Is it possible that it's not the sexuality she hasn't accepted or won't confront, so much as the notion of a non-monogamous relationship? As much as she desires a woman in addition to you, the notion of opening your relationship to allow either or both of you to explore both sides of your sexualities could be, frankly, terrifying and/or offputting.

[fredtyg]

We all come to our sexualities when and as we're ready. There is no reliable way to hurry a person, and trying to do so could be harmful, or could have the opposite of the desired effect.

Agreeing with Annika.

Seems to me it took most of us here different lengths of time to become comfortable with our bi/ homosexuality. I didn't become totally comfortable with mine until I was in my mid- 30s, if memory serves me correct. Before I became comfortable with it, the only time it would come out in me was when I'd been drinking.

So, it might just take her some time. About the only thing I might suggest is to let her know (in subtle ways as to not make her feel uncomfortable) how comfortable you are with your bisexuality.

Has she been here before? We seem to even have some straight people that comment in forums now and then. Maybe if there was some way to introduce her to some of the discussions going on here she might realize she's not alone in being uncomfortable with her sexuality at this time in her life? That might, in turn, make her more comfortable with her bisexuality for the longer term.

Good luck.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

All good things in their proper time, Darlin. As many have said, "Let her ease
into it slowly and on her own" That's the best thing, Hon. Let it come naturally and comfortable. You push her before she's ready, and she lible to run in the other direction.
Just go with the flow hon, and let it happen when its time. I think you'll be pleased. :};)
Cat

[darkeyes]

You don't pressure her..never pressure her.. but think on this.. merely because she has had sex with other women in the past does not necessarily mean she is bisexual.. we have sex with people for all sorts of reasons.. sometimes the most obscure reasons. It is likely she is bisexual, but it doesn't necessarily follow...

Also we all have hang ups.. it may be this is one that she hasnt yet lost..she may never lose it.. but if you do pressure her into accepting what u want then you risk doing long term damage to her and your relationship.. just leave it and in time her bisexuality if indeed she is bisexual may well seek an outlet..

[bemyonlyone]

Honestly, it's so hard. I've been through so much pain and struggle over my sexuality, I know what she's going through. She's probably scared, as I was and still am.

Just let her know you're there for her, whenever she's ready, whenever that is. And it might not be for a long time.

[Luffly1]

Why do you feel that she should "admit" that she is bisexual? Is there a reason why you would rather have her "accept" bisexuality as opposed to the two of you just being together and loving each other? Why is it on your mind so much that you need to get her to be out with it and not just take things as they are?

I had a boyfriend once who I was sure he was bisexual, but he would always deny it. I just let it go and focused my time on loving him and my relationship. As long as we cared deeply for each other, nothing else was really that important.

[darkeyes]

Why do you feel that she should "admit" that she is bisexual? Is there a reason why you would rather have her "accept" bisexuality as opposed to the two of you just being together and loving each other? Why is it on your mind so much that you need to get her to be out with it and not just take things as they are?

I had a boyfriend once who I was sure he was bisexual, but he would always deny it. I just let it go and focused my time on loving him and my relationship. As long as we cared deeply for each other, nothing else was really that important.

The best way Luffly 1... wot mattas is not changin those we luff.. but allowin them time 2 realise jus who they r for themsels... an luffin them no matta wot an who they turn out 2 b...

..dus luffya name tho... get it sumwer nice? tee hee...;):tong:

[Luffly1]

The best way Luffly 1... wot mattas is not changin those we luff.. but allowin them time 2 realise jus who they r for themsels... an luffin them no matta wot an who they turn out 2 b...

..dus luffya name tho... get it sumwer nice? tee hee...;):tong:

When I was a child, a close friend of mine used to feel uncomfortable telling people that she loved them, so she would say that she "luffed" them instead. I suppose it grew on me. Apparently others say it as well :)

[darkeyes]

When I was a child, a close friend of mine used to feel uncomfortable telling people that she loved them, so she would say that she "luffed" them instead. I suppose it grew on me. Apparently others say it as well :)

..an ther wos me thinkin me wos an original...:eek: *sobs* :bigrin:

Nice 2 meetcha ne way..:)

[Luffly1]

..an ther wos me thinkin me wos an original...:eek: *sobs* :bigrin:

Nice 2 meetcha ne way..:)

I thought the same thing until I got older and heard a neighbor say it.

[Luffly1]

jeepers creepers! luffly1 reminds me so much of our friend ris, don't she?

if it wusn't fer that post by luffly1 on the feeling the loss thread i'd be so danged sure that they is the same girl.
can't be anyway. if that be true than that means that she'd be foolin us all.

g'head, iggy me.

The rude people in chat and this comment right here is why I haven't had much to say on this site for the past year. Can people not speak without feathers being ruffled?:(

If I have truly been bothering you, please just come out and tell me. I will go back to just reading the forum behind the scenes.

[darkeyes]

The rude people in chat and this comment right here is why I haven't had much to say on this site for the past year. Can people not speak without feathers being ruffled?:(

If I have truly been bothering you, please just come out and tell me. I will go back to just reading the forum behind the scenes.

Don u worry ya pretty lil 'ead bout 'im me luffly..'e jus 1a the occasional arse'oles that turn up on site from time 2 time...:)

[mikey3000]

We all come to our sexualities when and as we're ready. There is no reliable way to hurry a person, and trying to do so could be harmful, or could have the opposite of the desired effect. I'd advise that you be careful and patient. Communicate your needs (all of them), and encourage her to communicate about hers (all of them)...and be understanding of hers...including, perhaps, the need *not* to explore her sexuality at this time.

Is it possible that it's not the sexuality she hasn't accepted or won't confront, so much as the notion of a non-monogamous relationship? As much as she desires a woman in addition to you, the notion of opening your relationship to allow either or both of you to explore both sides of your sexualities could be, frankly, terrifying and/or offputting.

Annika, have I told you lately how brilliant you are?

This is a funny question. It was actually my wife who kinda came out to me first, admitting that she much perferred girl on girl porn than the straight stuff, and if I was ok with it. I admitted too that I was into man on man action than the regular stuff too, and she was totally cool with it. I took that as my oppourtunity to fess up totally about my bisexuality, and she ... well, went running back in the closet!!! I learned that, for some, there is a big difference between fantasy and reality. But we are still working out all the kinks, cause I can't go back in the closet. It took me a life time to admit it to myself, and I won't go back.

[biblkman]

Mickey3000, that's pretty much what its like, a lot of people here got it confused, she came out to me about her experience with women before I told her about mine. And since its been her idea to have 3sum and a couple, I'm not pressuring her in anyway. But by not admitting she's bi, is her way of pointing the finger at me so to speak and making her feel normal. It just gets frustrating one minute (when she's buzzed) she's all inn the bi thing and the next she says your bi but I just get freaky when I,m buzzed. Like I said I think she's ashamed,

[ohbimale]

I speak from experience. She has to be the one ready and willing to accept her sexuality, whatever it is. No one can force her. No one can "help" her accept it. She is the only one who can accept her sexuality, whatever it is. You can only be a supportive and loving partner, letting her know you will always be there for her both as a friend and lover, no matter what. :bipride:

[cliffordmontero]

i have to agree that everyone comes into things on their own time . . . on a side note . . . every time i read posts by Annika L it makes me wanna carry her baby . . . and i am a dude lol