nonmonogamy... how did it come up for you?

[HelloToYou]

In past conversations my husband made it clear that he wanted to be monogamous, but then we joked about polygamy and polyamory a LOT, for quite a while. Then two nights in a row he brought up the fact that I'm bisexual (something we hardly talk about). And last night he asked me about jealousy and polyamory and told me that if I wanted to be with a woman sometime, he's ok with it. It's hard for me to imagine meeting the right person, but apparently that door is at least open now.

[rissababynta]

My husband told me right in the beginning of our relationship that if I wanted to have a girlfriend he thought it was fine. He has actually encouraged me many times to look for someone. I've gone on a date with a girl once since being with him, but it didn't work out. I've kissed three, but nothing further. Sometimes I wonder if there is a girl out there for me, but as of right now I'm happy with sitting back and letting it happen if it is going to happen as opposed to searching for it.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Aw Riss, you know I'd do ya...lol Kidding kidding :}

Seriously Loves, the right person will come along for you when the time is right. Just keep looking and maybe she'll fall in you laps when you least expect her. :} Point is: Dont stop looking if that's what you want.
Good luck, be safe and have a great deal of fun. :}
Cat

[JP1986UM]

Rissa, I am in your category.


I feel compelled to try and yet am so busy I cannot.

I feel a sense of awe for a spouse who can do that and maintain their integrity knowing its certainly odd apart from the standard norm we all discuss.

It does make me feel loved and accepted by her. Something, oddly, would not have happened had I come out when we originally dated.

[Realist]

My GF and I both agree that the best relationships that we've experienced are those that just "fell out of the sky"!

Like: Talking to an old friend and suddenly discover that you've secretly admired each other for years. Or, meeting someone and feeling that electricity knock you over. Finding the person, who you least suspect, has dreams about you, when you admit you've done the same thing, is thrilling!

My GF met a lady in a book store, then began discussing subjects of interest, then they suddenly developed an attraction. Their relationship was fast in coming and intense for them both. She was in an open marriage at the time and was free to explore...it was just what she needed, when she needed it.

Her previous contact with women was not so good, nor was it the pleasure she sought. They both were contrived and planned by previous boyfriends and left her wondering if that all there was. But the one that "just happened" was an exquisite and rewarding adventure. I'm pleased she finally discovered the bliss of loving another lady.

[Randypan]

My wife and I came to the conclusion that we are not monogamous people at the very beginning. We knew we were both bi and gave each other full open permission as long as we did not hide anything. Altho we have been together now for over 17 years, we have not been with anyone else until recently. She now has a boyfriend, but has not yet found the right girl. Oh well, we will keep looking. Also I had a brief (2week) encounter with a young man who found me irresistible. Nothing since.

[Falke]

My GF and I both agree that the best relationships that we've experienced are those that just "fell out of the sky"!

Isn't that the truth!

Mrs and I agreed that straight monogamy was not for us. We wouldn't go out for hookups, but at the same time we wanted a third. Last week she made a move on a guy in one of her college classes and it has been crazy ever since. In a way I kinda welcomed going back on the road just so I could catch up on sleep! :bigrin:

[innaminka]

My bisexuality was always there - a factor in my marriage with Dean.
He accepted after much soul-searching that I was bi sexual and needed some form of outlet.
We sort of became ostriches - our heads were buried in the sand as far as that aspect of my life was concerned - yet we loved each other deeply and up until the last year, were totally commited to our marriage, each other and our family.
he didn't ask and i didn't tell.
As part of my job/career, I travel O/S for extended periods - up to 14 days at a time - 3 or 4 times a year.
I have never made a secret of the fact that I played on those trips: he didn't ask: I didn't tell.
After all, Dean was away for nearly 8 months a year with his job as an explosives enginer. I'm sure he played too. Again, I didn't ask.

strangely it kept our hunger for each other alive for many years.

In the last few years, I have been only involved with other women on these trips (Banking/Public Services are loaded with bi and gay women -wow! Gay bars?? never been in one!)

I have never, ever contemplated being with another woman with Deam. Everything was strictly 1:1.

Evenetually, the tensions caused by my bisexuality, along with the normal tensions and boredoms that can creep into any marriage caused us to part earlier this year. We are still "friends" and communicate freely regarding our daughters.
We're both relieved and happier, but without a doubt, my sexuality eventually helped erode the bonds of our marriage.