Need Parents help about "sex" talk with kids [Archive]

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onewhocares

Jan 15, 2009, 1:50 PM

Hi All,

I am sending out an SOS to all of you here who have had to handle the inevitable talk with your children about sex.

Today when hubby and I were cleaning our fourteen year old daughters room ( after three months of not being cleaned by her ...we could not take it any longer and it was starting to smell I swear) we cleaned. As we were cleaning we found hubby's Aneros Prostrate toy. It looks like a tampon with a handle and well I sort of just joked about it. Then when I was cleaning further I found a tissue box that looked rather stuffed...inside I found one of our favorite vibes. We have kept our toys in OUR closet in a bag so she had to have gone snooping. (We moved it to a more secure place today.)

Our daughter is an only child and has been around adults most of her life. She is very smart and very intuitive. She knows that hubby and I are very sexual...as she says " I know what goes on behind the red curtain" and we are very progressive.

I would love to have other ideas of how you handled this type of topic with your child? I want to convey to her that what she is feeling and wanting to experience is totally natural and is not something to be ashamed of. I do want her to learn about it from me and not around the block. To play with safety.

Your thoughts, experiences and comments please.

Belle

Dani78

Jan 15, 2009, 2:22 PM

were both nervous at first but it got easier. Let her know its natural and beautiful when done with the right person and toys are also a part of life. Ask her does she use them does she like them and that for health reasons she will need her own lol. Just let her know you care and you r there to talk if she needs you.CENTER]
Well miss belle have you talked to her about sex before? We as parents talk about the act of sex but not the other things. First is she active ? My daughter told me she had her 1st sex partner I was hurt but didn't show it. I asked how it was for her we disscussed what she did and didn't like about the experiance. Which allowed me to ask about protection and we set up an appointment to disscuss this with a doctor afterwards. We became closer and although I will always think she's too young she's growing up and I can't stop it. We wer[/CENTER]

csrakate

Jan 15, 2009, 2:34 PM

Oh Belle...
Such a difficult time and one that needs to be handled with kid gloves. BUT..before you delve into the sexual talk, you need to let her know that her snooping and the "procuring" of those sex toys from your personal space was not acceptable. I am not talking about the fact that they are sex toys, but the fact that she showed very little respect for your privacy. I am sure she will have questions regarding why you have them in the first place and that is up to YOU to decide what to divulge...but whatever you do, let her know that it's a very natural thing and something that she will understand a bit more as she gets older. I don't think it is the time to talk too much about sexuality in terms of your husband's sexual preferences, nor does she need to know about any sexual escapades that either of you have participated in. That is your business and your business alone and quite honestly, probably something a 14 yo would rather not hear about her parents....BUT it is time to be frank and honest with her about sex, stressing that sex and the urges that come with it are natural and nothing to be ashamed of. You may even want to ask her just how much she thinks she knows already, for you may not have much to educate with regard to some of the basics to begin with...but you should definitely dispel any misconceptions that she may have right away. And by all means use technical terms for things as opposed to "cute" references...now is not the time to cringe at being completely frank about what it is.

I can't speak much to educating a female child as I am the mother of two boys and much of that was left to my husband to handle, but as a woman who's mother took very little time to explain things to her, I do think she needs to feel that she can come to you with questions and/or concerns without getting the feeling that you will judge her. But just as importantly, you need to let her know that you do not necessarily condone sexual activity at her age. She still has a lot of growing up to do and no matter how mature or intuitive she may be, she need not feel rushed to experience anything. As difficult as it is to accept, 14 is hardly the 14 that you and I experienced and chances are, many of her friends are already sexually active. Let her know that she never needs to "keep up" with the activities of her friends and I would also still instill in her the importance of respecting herself above anything else. It's also not too soon to educate her about birth control, STD's and the like and let her know that you would be willing to talk to her further about such things if and when the time arises. It used to be the only thing we had to worry about with sexual exploration was the fear of pregnancy...now we have to worry about our lives.

With that being said, the privacy and respect for others, including your husband and yourself, is a must for being first on the agenda. I know she'll probably complain that you were snooping...but guess what? You're her mother and that is something that happens now and then and it's always done in the best interest of the child....but she also needs to know that if there is a trusting relationship between the two of you, that you will not feel the need to do so. I think the goal of your talk is to let her know that women can be sexual beings, but respect and dignity isn't something to forget as we grow into our sexual selves....and above all....be safe!

I wish you luck on your new journey as the mother of a sexually aware child. You are most certainly entering a new and exciting phase of motherhood and I wish you well!

Hugs,
Kate

eddy10

Jan 15, 2009, 2:35 PM

Belle,

I would start by saying just what you said here:

"I want to convey to her that what she is feeling and wanting to experience is totally natural and is not something to be ashamed of. I do want her to learn about it from me and not around the block. To play with safety."

It is sincere and what you feel. That will get the ball rolling. Just take it from there.

Good luck,
Eddy

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Jan 15, 2009, 3:52 PM

I was very open and up front with both of my girls(and the two boys too) about sex. I told them that what they were feeling was a totally natural thing and to not be afraid of it, but to just be careful. I knew that there was a hundred different ways for them to find out, friends, movies, experimentation, but I rathered they came to me and they did. My oldest daughter is only 16 years younger than me, so talking to her was like talking to a friend. And, she was the same age then that I was when I had her, so she wanted my opinion. I told her to not do as I did, and not be educated enough to not know what I was getting into...that's how She came to be...

We got lunch went over to a park and talked, laughed, and she even had a book that she wanted to discuss that had various sex toys in it. We discussed toys where I laughingly told her "Vibrators wont get you pregnant, and not call you in the morning" I had her laughing so hard that she had soda coming out of her nose...lol
We discussed birth control, and got her an appointment with my OBGYN. She didnt decided to have sex for another year or so and when she did, she was safe and practical, and the experiance was good. Thankfully she didnt inherate My hormones....but the Boys Did..lol

The key is open, honest, communication, Hon. Above Everything. But I'd also discuss the Mom and Dad privacy issue. I realize she wanted to experiment and was probably too embarressed to say anything, but that issue must be addressed.
And tell her if she doesnt want any further embarressment, to Clean Her Room on a regular basis..lol
Good Luck Sweetie, I know you'll do fine.;);)
Silly Cat

purplespider

Jan 15, 2009, 4:02 PM

i am going to put it out there..for my daughter i was frank, open and honest.

she isnt stupid, so fill in the blanks for her, as you are comfortable with of course.

i would rather have them go out there with eyes WIDE open, then puddling around in the dark!

Good Luck!

Cheers!~

Spida

onewhocares

Jan 15, 2009, 10:17 PM

First thank you all for your most helpful comments. I wanted to share with you the events of the afternoon. Normally I would not post such a private note written to me, but I wanted to perhaps help another in a similar situation. Kate I wish I were half the parent you are and your insight is amazing.

SORRY THIS IS SO LONG................

When my daughter came home from school I wanted to show her that I had cleaned her room. I showed her the closets and how I had hung up the clothes. I sat up on her bed and wanted her to join me but she seemed to be in a rush to go and work on her Science Fair project. I had to run out for about an hour and a half and when I returned home she had already left for dance class. When I went to look at her science project I noticed the following note left on the counter.

" Dear Mom,

I know that you went through my room today and founds some things that you did not like. Here's the story.....One day on our way back from the Cape (Cod) I left something in one of your bags and I found the things. I never used them or anything cause well that is just gross. But once I found them I hid them because I knew you would be mad if you found out I knew you had them. So I want you to know that two years ago when I found them yes I was afraid of you finding out that I looked at them and sure I know that you want to talk about it but I don't want to cause I already know what you are going to say and I am sure you are mad.

And since I have found them I have had regrets so lets leave this matter settled and leave me alone. I have better and more important things to worry about that pertain to my future. I know that you will want to talk after I have written this but I do not want to. I will take the punishment whatever it is and I am sorry. I could not tell you this in person but I feel better keeping things inside. I want you to know that I did not do anything with them and I was nervous and afraid but things have changed in these last two years and I hope we can put this behind us. And I am sorry that I did not talk to you today and that I snapped at you. But I needed time to work things out in my head first and this is what came to mind. If you want to keep a steady relationship like you have I suggest that we never mention this again and keep it to yourself.

I am sorry for the burden of pressure that I have put on you so please let us just leave it be. I am sorry and when I get home tonight please just let me work on my science project and leave me alone. I promise I will never do anything like this again. And this is why every time you say something like you are proud of me or something I always flinch and say no. But thanks for listening and please let me be. I am sorry.

Kendall"

I was taken aback by her honesty and wanted to abide by her wishes so I wrote the following and had her read it when she arrived home. The only thing that I did say that I was NEVER angry at all but wanted to just make sure she was not scared.

"Dearest Kendall,

First and foremost there is one thing that I want you to know....I LOVE YOU. That will never change. Since you took the time to express your thoughts to me, I too will share my thoughts with you.

When I was cleaning your room I was doing it to help you. I know how much work you have been doing and have not had time to clean...I wanted you to have a nice place to sleep since you have been so tired, I flipped the mattress, ironed the sheets and such. That is why I was in your room. I am NOT one of those parents who would go through you things...never have been never will be. I believe what is yours is private and I have no need or desire to invade your space.

Secondly I am SO not angry, disappointed or anything about your actions...not at all! I started to put things away and came across a couple of things that are adult in a sexual nature that you found in one of my bags by mistake. For me it is all very natural for you to be starting to feel differently about your body and I just actually wanted to perhaps just make sure that you know there is nothing to be ashamed about if you are starting to feel differently about yourself and your body.

I admire your openness and your honesty but am only saddened that you have kept this inside and it caused YOU such worry. NEVER feel that you can not talk to me about anything. I do not want you to learn things about sex and your body from people who will give you wrong information. I may not be able to share much with you about say all your creative and dance talent. Or makeup or anything. But I can begin to share what is like to grow into a young woman. I want our relationship to grow as we both grow older. At my age, rather early, I am coming to the end of my time to grow....you my dear one are just starting to sprout and soon you will blossom into a most beautiful young woman. A bright and smart version of me. You posses such a kind and caring side, you are focused on your future and your life is full of hope and promise and I wish you happiness most of all.

I shall respect your wishes and just mention to you that I got your note, appreciate your honesty and openness and that I respect you but above all else LOVE YOU and am very PROUD of you.

Love Mamma"

That is what happened to me today.

Belle

PS.....I guess the talk about the birds and the bees will have to wait for another day.

Dani78

Jan 15, 2009, 10:40 PM

Wow what a great letter. Don't force it let her come to you or you will push her away. I cried when I read it.

HighEnergy

Jan 15, 2009, 11:12 PM

I was always very open and frank with my oldest. My mother suggested I let her watch a PBS show about pregnancy when I was pregnant with the second child and the oldest was 10. It said it was about from conception to birth, so I wasn't expecting a two hour show to have the first hour and a half be before conception! But, I figured I couldn't just shut it off and say it wasn't appropriate because that would freak her out and not be fair to her. So, we watched and we discussed and her comment was, "THAT'S DISGUSTING!" All I could think to say was with the wrong man it is. :rolleyes:

I was always very open with her because my mother never told me a thing. We talked a number of times, in the car when I had her trapped. ;) When she was dating at 16, I used to drive past Planned Parenthood and point it out and say she could go on her own, or I could take her to the family doctor, the choice was always hers. Eventually she said, "knock it off, I'm not the slut you were." And that left me speechless for a very, very long time.

The other two I had the first conversation with them together while we were making Christmas cookies last year when they were 10 and 12. This was after the 12 year old was reading a book while I was driving down the highway at 75 mph and she asked me what the word masterbation meant. So, I told them all about that for the next hour or so of the trip.

A month or two ago, I was talking to someone about church, and commenting that I think I was the only straight person there. The 12 year old piped up that my sweetheart was straight and he replied that he wasn't. Even though he's always commented on men being handsome and such in front of the girls, it didn't occur to him that they didn't know he was bi. She asked what he meant, and he wouldn't respond. I didn't think it my place to tell them, and he didn't think it was his place since they are mine. Later I explained that they knew there were queer folks and straight folks, right? Well, there's a lot of in between, and he attracted to both men and women. Their response? "Huh. Ok. Guess that's why he always says "woof" when Daniel Craig is in the movie."

So, as much as we have gay friends and a couple of trans friends around, and all that I've explained to the girls, we managed to never tell them about the orientation of a person who shares so much of their lives. Duh.

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Jan 16, 2009, 2:23 AM

When she was dating at 16, I used to drive past Planned Parenthood and point it out and say she could go on her own, or I could take her to the family doctor, the choice was always hers. Eventually she said, "knock it off, I'm not the slut you were." And that left me speechless for a very, very long time. **
Wow. I'm sorry she had to say something like that to you, hon. And I might add that you are Vastly a better Mom than I would have been had one of my girls said that when they were growing up. I would have stopped that car right then and there and it t'would not have been pretty..lol
Hugs and kudo's to you sweetie :}
Mean Ol' Cat

frikidiki

Jan 16, 2009, 6:20 AM

There's a great book available now--right now--at your local bookstore, by Paul Joannides, called Guide To Getting It On. If you're still reading, then you didn't go buy the book yet--go, now!

Seriously, with the wealth of information, the great humor, and the pics aimed at making us all feel normal, I can't imagine a finer book on the subject of sexuality to possess or pass on.

csrakate

Jan 16, 2009, 8:13 AM

Realist

Jan 16, 2009, 12:11 PM

I can only say that I wish my parents had been as open and honest with their responses to my questions about these subjects. I always got, "You're too young to know that!" .....or...... "That's your mother's job to tell you that stuff....or your father's job to tell you that stuff."

I was introduced to sex by a very sweet and loving older gentleman and I have never felt molested, or abused............but I was too young and immature to have that burden loaded onto me, regardless.

I think that if any of you ladies had been my parent, my whole live may have turned out differently. I think I would have much better prepared for when I reached appropriate maturity.....whenever that was.

Your children are very lucky!

As for the name calling...that was not called for. I had no such reaction to Missy's posting.

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Jan 16, 2009, 3:21 PM

csrakate

Jan 16, 2009, 3:41 PM

Thank you Kate. I said nothing about physically harming anyone, but as I am from "The Old Southern School" I would have Never tolerated that kind of rude disrespect from a child of mine..and personally, mine Knew better..lol

Belle honey, you handle things as you see fit, babygirl. And dont worry about the opinons of people who dont have kids, and who will never walk in your shoes til they grow up and have some of their own. ;)
Hugs my friend
Cat

Sho nuff, cat...as a fellow Southerner myself, I know that any good ol' Southerner would know that we should respect our mommas and daddies....and a stern talkin' to and a raised eyebrow is always in order when the lil ones get out of line! LOL!

And as for Belle, you're doing fine. It is always important to set the stage for the time that we feel it is necessary to broach the topic of sex with our kids. One of the first steps is to establish a trusting and mutually respectful relationship with that child. That's not saying that you "become their friend" by any means...but as their parent and the guardian of their well-being, it is very important that they know that they can trust you and that they can come to you with any and all questions without fear of judgment or ridicule. I think you and Kendall have taken that first step. You started the dialogue and she knows that you not only love her, but you are also proud of her. Instilling a good sense of self esteem in our kids does a world of good and from what you have said, I think your daughter has a very level head and is very much looking to her future without feeling the need to use sex as a method to find that self esteem or acceptance from her peers. You opened the door and believe me, you will know when it's time to cross that threshold.

frikidiki

Jan 16, 2009, 4:27 PM

You would have abused one of your kids? That's real nice. :rolleyes:

Not everyone happens to enjoy having a mother that was a whore and while my mom wasn't one I think if you would have reacted strongly to that statement, it would only prove to your kid that you were or are a whore and slut.

Obviously, this wasn't thought through very well before it was posted. It comes off as a knee-jerk response and somewhat insulting. I think you could've shown some compassion toward Mother even if you do agree with Daughter, for whatever reason you do.

Personally, I agree that children often greatly resent the perceived failings of their parents--cuz I used to feel this way about my own, before I grew up and took responsibility for fixing myself. Also, reputation is, for many kids that age, EVERYTHING that matters.

While the reaction from Daughter can be understood this way, it was also very disrespectful and needed to be immediately addressed as such. If Mother were to scold or lecture Daughter for it, she would've been well within her rights. I also agree that physical punishment in the heat of anger, embarrassment, or whatever, is wrong, but Daughter would've earned some serious righteous anger from the majority of parents for that insult.

Nevertheless, Mother's silence, possibly due to guilt, indicated that perhaps the reaction from Daughter was based on some truth or perception of facts. This isn't to say that Mother really was what Daughter called her, of course, but to suggest that there really wasn't very much of an understanding on Daughter's part that Mother made mistakes or has a sexuality that's different from the perceived norm--or whatever really applies to Mother.

I hope this wasn't the end of the story.

This is why it's so important for parents to really have their life's philosophies together and think about how they will present these to their children. Too many parents leave it up to secular or religious authorities, or wait until an uncomfortable or even ugly situation arises before bringing a subject up. Children need to know that they can trust their parents for love and guidance, and because of this, parents need to help their children learn to think for themselves even if they start from the parents' set of beliefs. This requires preemptiveness and proactivity; it's too important to leave alone. Children will find replacements for their parents in the world around them if these needs aren't met.

I don't mean to play analyst here, cuz I'm not one--I'm just a person with strong opinions. We are only human, after all.

SJ37AndSteph

Jan 16, 2009, 4:35 PM

About the whole sex talk thing with your kids.. for myself i did that with my 17 yr old daughter when she was 14 i did or thought i could do my best to make her understand about all the things dealing with sex and all but over a year ago she was diagnosed with HPV.. i freaked as so did she and no matter what i did or said she had her mind made up at 14 when she had sex her first time... I can only hope with everything with my oldest my 13 yr old can see and learn from i talk more and more with my 13 yr old hoping she listens to what is being said to her from me .. i cannot be with my daughters 24 / 7 but do my best as there mom and expalin the best i can about STD's and anything else that is out there along with trying to make sure my youngest knows its not that sex is bad at all because its not its a beautiful thing .. But for myself i would like for her to wait till she is alot older and think things through before going foward with have sex.. i am no perfect person by far but what i have learned from myself i want to do with better with my own.. my daughters and i are very close and open about most things and they know for me they can talk to me about anything even when dealing with sex .. when it comes to wanting them to talk to me about sex all my attention goes to them cause i want them to have my full attention.. i myself was pregnant at a young age and i am hoping being honest with mine and letting them know what it was like for me they will learn something.. granted my oldest does have HPV but still i push alot for things so she can learn from what she did and just be more careful .. i always had blamed myself for my oldest action thinking maybe i didnt explain enough or i was just not looking at things clearely.. but i did the best i could and i look at it my girls i hope learn from things they have been talk to about dealing with sex .. i see it as u need to have a open relationship with ur children about sex but also let them know u love them and they mean everything to u and make it a point not to shy away from needing to talk to u about sex i never pushed they issues with mine i just told them i am here when they want to ask questions and later on they did ..

sorry for the book everyone

Hugs

Sweet Juices 37

usedbear1950

Jan 16, 2009, 7:09 PM

First I want to say that knowing Belle and her daughter as I do I can say that my high opinion of both of them is evident in their letters. After reading the initial post I was astonished that Kendall had invaded her parent’s private space. I believe her when she said she found them by accident in Belle's purse. I know her to be a young woman of great intelligence and even greater perception. Her maturity belies her young age.
Secondly, I want to say that my dear and lovely Kate, as always, is the voice of reason.
I am the oldest of four and have two younger sisters. When the older of the two began her period my mother asked me to sit with her and my sister to explain what she was going thru. My mother told my sister that she should not be embarrassed that her brother is there. She explained that her mother had never talked to her about becoming a woman, what she learned she learned from her girlfriends. She also told my sister that the pervasive tradition of the Italian-Americans of that era was for the mother, upon learning that her daughter was menstruating, to slap the daughter in face as hard as she could. The reason was for the young woman to always remember this day and to tell the young woman that the pain she feels from the slap is just the beginning of the pain a woman suffers. My mother knew in her soul that this was not right way to initiate a young girl into womanhood. I did my best to explain the biology of what was happening to my sister and to impress upon her that she was responsible for her body and that personal hygiene was important. I also explained that sex was not bad but that a woman, just by the facts of a woman's physical make up, bears the brunt of becoming pregnant and that she should always be cognizant of that. Remember that this is a time before birth control and abortion.
I am sorry that I have not read all the other threads to the post as of yet but I will read them shortly.
ur ever luvin
usedbear

Laken

Jan 16, 2009, 7:51 PM

I just wanna say, Belle, that you know your daughter better than any of us here do. If you feel like the letters between the two of you are enough, then that's enough. Like Kate said, she now knows that you are there if she needs to talk, and that you love her and are very proud of her. I think that when she's ready she will come to you.

innaminka

Jan 17, 2009, 7:33 PM

Some wonderful words of advice - possibly it was unfortunate that your daughter couldn't talk to you face to face, but the fact that she's still a teen in that very uncertain period helps explain a lot.
Probably the best course is to put it behind you and get on with life.

My daughters (18 and 16) are very sexually savvy in a theoretical sense. They both know that I'm aware they masturbate and that I masturbate as well. They know my husband and I posess a couple of toys, but after the initial jokes, keep well away from our sexual life.
They know and respect that our sexual activities are our very private matter.
They like it that we as a couple still respond romantically/sexually to each other. - That, I think, is the best aspect.

And I don't peek into their's unless asked.

They know about safe sex and contraception. I helped my elder daughter go on The Pill after turning 18. She is not sexually active, but knows that going to Uni this year will involve a huge change in her life and is aware how easily something might just happen spontaneously.

The only secret I have is that I'm bi: actively bi! I know I will have to come out to them soon, and that it will be an extremely difficult time.

Mrs.F

Jan 18, 2009, 4:39 PM

I think you are doing a great job with all of it Belle! I, myself do better getting my true feelings out in a letter so in her doing that with you was awesome and you writing back saying what you said probably took weights off her chest. As long as she feels (even in a letter) that she can talk to you with openness, things will be ok.

My mom never gave me the talk. She sent me to her mom (grandma) which I have NO idea why. My grandma was never a sexual person and all I got was how sex happens, what it is and that it's disgusting. That triggered in my mind that I will have to find out for myself and started at age 15. Could have been handled so much better and I may not have started so young and not knowing what I was doing. At age 15, after my first time I was scared shitless because I didn't use protection. It was Easter, I sat in church and prayed to God that I would not get pregnant. I finally told my mom and next thing I know I'm taking several birth control pills in one day that made me sicker than a dog. That was apparently to prevent a pregnancy if there was one. Sad part was, it was yrs. later that I found out that what I had done with the boy was intercourse but he never came.....See, no education, I didn't know. My sister is 7 yrs. younger than I and I have no idea if she ever got any talk from my mom or grandma and had I known better would have talked to her myself. She ended up pregnant at the age of 17 and graduated high school 7 months pregnant.

My mom I've learned over the yrs. has never been sexual either. She doesn't even like to joke about sex and will still tell me to this day that a man's body is "not a pretty sight". Very sad that she never enjoyed it.

So, with that said..finding out my husband was bisexual.....coming from the home that I had...it's amazing that I am where I am today. I know that I will talk with my son...He's already said "a boy should not love a boy". I've already told him that whoever told him that or why he thinks that is not true. Anybody can love whoever they want to love.

My mind has been opened and I have learned so much on my own or through my husband and this site. What I think has totally changed from my growing yrs.

Awesome job Belle. Your doing great!! :bigrin:

jo69guy

Jan 18, 2009, 7:31 PM

Bravo Belle! Take a bow, you did great! Anything I can do, just let me know.

Sapphrodite

Jan 18, 2009, 10:48 PM

Just as an aside, there is a show on MTV (USA) or MuchMusic (Canada) which might be a good opener, called Sex with Mom & Dad. It has teens and parents going through guided exercises to begin to open the lines of communication regarding sex. I'm sure you can go online to download past programs, it seems very well put together, with proper guidance and counsilling, not a documentary or slapped together like some shows about teen sex. The focus is on building communication skills, which I'm sure would help any parents with teens.

Kudos for raising such a kindhearted daughter, Belle!!;)

Bi_Druid

Jan 19, 2009, 1:11 PM

I can only really speak from the side of being the son being talked to about it by the parents here, and I feel that it has helped me a lot that my parents were so open about it.

I remember asking that fateful question "where do babies come from?" way way back when I was about 5, and my mother telling me quite clearly and politely about sexual intercourse between a man and a woman for the purpose of procreation. I also grew up knowing full well that grown-ups did this for pleasure as well, and that they used things like condoms or Mum would take her contraceptive pills so that mum and dad could make-love and not have to have babies.

Risks of diseases and things didn't really get heavily discussed until my teens, and most of that was layed on thick and frightening enough by the schools. If it ever was raised to the parents, they were happy to discuss what ever any of us wished to know. The wonder and mystery was kept to the minimum, we all grew up knowing the risks and protective measures to be taken basically what bits went in where to make babies if that's what we did want to do. The rest was left up to us to go out there and experience it as and when we were comfortable to do so in the privacy of ourselves and who ever we should end up with. All my parents said they ever wanted to know was that we we playing safe and we were happy.

For my brothers it was much the same, and my sister also was very sexually aware from an early age also. We've all grown up knowing that this is what adults do once every thing's finished growing and developing past puberty.

As for toys, occasionally inquisitive hands would find mothers vibrator or the contraceptive pills or something, and follow up with a "what's this (for)?"; or even a porn magazine and look at the toy ads (which have such helpful pictures), most of what I found out about the more exotic items was more worked out in a 2+2 manner. Kids are smarter than they let on.

I'd say try and not worry about it. Try and be casual and just bring it up in a mature fashion. Try not to let yourself get embarrassed about it. Of course bring up basic health and safety issues, how to keep it all clean and fun, but avoid making too 'big' a thing of it, if you get what I mean.

Like I say, kids are smarter than they let on.