Triad Relationships??

[Mrs.F]

Was just curious if anyone has/or is in a triad relationship? Are you all single, 2 of you married and another joined? The two that are married, do you have kids, and how does that work?

I find it interesting and would like to know of any who have made it work and enjoy it.

:bibounce:

[stormalong]

I lived with 2 girls when I was in the Navy, for close to 3 years. They both had kids. We each had our own room. some times we all slept together, sometimes I would sleep with one or the orther, and occasionally they would sleep together without me. It was fun. It finally fell apart when I got into a fistfight with Lana's older brother. Things pretty much devolved from there. We all went out to eat together, went to the movies together, etc. We were ahead of our time!!! I'd have married them if I could've married both of them legally.
Everyone who knew me on the ship (crew of 1500) thought it was cool. The XO even told me once that he saw my wives when he was out shopping for something.

[NakedInSeattle]

I was part of a triad - me (a male) and a married couple - for over a year. They both claimed "she had enough love for two men." We had some great times but it came to an end when I was told that the triad was only for the play time. When it came to anything else, he was the "husband" and I was the invited person in the relationship. I had no rights and practically everything I did or said had to be approved by the "husband." It was more (or less, really) than I could handle.

I guess a triad can work if all parties have a complete understanding and all agree on the details. And believe me there are details. Good luck.

[mannysg]

I was in a triad for a short time with my ex-wife. SHe was bi-curious and found a lady that she liked. I also liked the lady. Things were OK for the first few weeks, then suddenly my ex decided that she preferred the lady and began to totally refuse me affection, love, and sex.

She wanted to continue the relationship, but not be involved with me sexually or emotionaly, wanting the other lady to satisfy my needs and even suggesting that I find someone outside the relationship to satisfy my needs. THis was not acceptable to me wsince I still loved her and still craved her affection. Since she was unwilling to give me any affection, we divorced.

I have known people who were in triads for many years. It is possible for a triad to work, but everyone involved has to be agreeable to the conditions/rules of the relationships. Most attemps fail according to the research I have done on the subject.

[Mrs.F]

Thanks for all that have responded. It sounds like fun but yet I can see where the problems/jealousy come in. I just wanted to hear from others who have been in one.

[darkeyes]

I had hopes and dreams of just such a relationship with two people I adored and still are never far from my mind. One thankfully not far from my side, and is looking on as I write. Im not going to relate here all the details except to say in the end it was just all too much, and caused simply too much hurt to us all I think one way or another.

The stresses and strains were intolerable on one person in particular, and the chaos it all created in our lives were just too great. In the end it was a very complex thing which was doomed from the start and the pain caused to me and two lovely people made it not worth it. That it never happened in the end was just as well because such is the way my life has panned out, I have regrets for what never was, but God am I so much more grateful for what is... I live with the guilt of the hurt I caused but things are such now that I am afforded the opportunity of making things right with the one I love most in this world and out.

I do not say it cannot work.. I just say it is difficult enough making two people work..how much more of a difficulty is it when 3 are involved....

[Trinity-Fl]

We believe it can work. We are members of two poly groups. Central Fla Poly and Poly Tampa.

In 1998 I met the couple on line and we clicked very well. About a month or 6 weeks later I moved from the east coast of Fl to the west coast and we setup a triad home. We graudally came out to family and friends and lived togehter for almost 4 years.

The triad broke up when the other male (the husband) acknowledged that he was truly gay and wanted a male-male relationship only. He moved on and his wife and I are now a couple (for about 5 years now.)

We slept in the same bed almost all the time. We had one clothes hamper. We bought a home together and had a business we ran. He bought a full size pickup so we could all sit on the same seat together. :) We went to eat and went to movies together. We belonged to a nudist resort together. We wore cladaugh rings that matched.

Re: the "husband" vs the guest issue. We had an equal relationship (almost.)
When we met there was some of that. He would not let the two of us (his wife and me) have sex without him. We could have sex all together - he and I could have sex - but I couldn't have "couple" sex with her. Later that changed. He became less jealous. "Primary" and "secondary" relationships are always an issue.

We had some really great times and some not so great times. But then as a couple, you have the same.

We've discussed the issue many many times in poly meetings. (We loved going to poly meetings and hosted several at our big ol' farm house in Central Floridda.) Jealousy and insecurity are the demons of all realtionships. Example: We went on a "honeymoon" to the Bahamas right after we met. For some reason, which I can't recall now, they were delayed in the room. I got so upset and angry. I thought they were having sex WITHOUT ME! How weird was that? Jealousy & Insecurity raising their ugly heads! In our groups, we've watched a lot of triads come and go (even ours.)

We have a long distance realtionship with a very nice man. Met him at a Poly Retreat earlier this year. We'd like a "live-in" triad but it may never happen again. I'm happy we had it once.

[begonia]

It has always been my dream, the ideal relationship. Having both a husband and a wife. Even met someone who shared my beliefs, married and had a family with him. Things are going good. Still waiting to meet her. We live in a very rural area, and that sort of thing is not generally acceptable here.
I still believe it possible, but it takes three very special people to pull it off.

[*pan*]

hi, well our triad happened by accident, was never planned, noone is above anyone else in it although we all have different things to do to pay the bills ect.. and make it work, i love both of my woman and they love me, we literaly live by the wiccan rede and the harm none rule is one of the reasons our triad is what it is and is still going strong, shure there were bumps in the road, there always is, but we work togeter to smooth them out, and we find that truth above all is most important to hold it together. it's amazing how free one's mind can be and how many problems don't exist in a realtionship if they know theres no lies, and all is open and honest.