When Did You Decide?

[country60]

I am just wondering when you decided it was ok for you to admit, mostly to yourself, that were indeed bisexual? I have toyed with this whole thing for a long time and find myself still sitting on the fence. Am I bi or just bicurious? How mant "encounters" does it take to get off the fence? I have had a few encouters and have enjoyed them for the most part, but I am still hesitent to get off the fence.
I am looking for input suggestions or just a good KICK.
country60

[diamond_tether]

It wasn't about the number of encounters for us, honestly. It was all about just making the internal decision not to stress about it anymore. We quite worrying about the fact that we were surrounded by straight/gay folks and chose to try and actively find more spaces where we were in surroundings in which we felt comfortable displaying/talking about that side of ourselves. Once we'd spent enough time in comfortable settings regarding our sexuality the majority of the strife we had concerning it went away.

[Herbwoman39]

Diamond Tether nailed it. That's how it was for me, too. I made the decision that "bisexual" is what suited me. I've never fully been with a woman but I don't call myself bicurious. I'm not curious...I KNOW I want to be with a woman ;)

[flexuality]

Maybe it's the wrong question as far as trying to decide which side of the fence one is on....maybe the thing to realize is that there is no fence.

[DiamondDog]

I knew long before I'd ever had sex with anyone.

As far as the fence goes, why take offence at the term fence sitter?
I personally love this term. I use it to describe myself and I don't care if friends call me that or a switch hitter. :)

[biwords]

I always thought 'switch hitter' a pretty cool name, at that.
Like DiamondDog, I knew before I ever had sex with anyone -- in fact, I knew in my early teens, before I'd heard the word 'bisexual'. But since my attraction to women was usually much stronger than to guys, it didn't worry me much. On the other hand, the possibility of being perceived as 'gay' (despite the lack of any stereotypical gay mannerisms) remained terrifying up to several months ago, and there are still some people I have no desire to come out to as bi.

[mistymockingbird]

I've always known on some level. Got married at 18, had my first same sex experience at 22. Never really put a label to it (for myself or anyone else) till I was 28. Prior to that, it just was what it was. Completely natural and a part of who I am.

[bigregory]

I was born Bi
As a child anything homosexual was taught as wrong but I did not see it as so.Im just so glad im Bi and not homo/hetro, this way I can love everyone.

[stillconfused]

You don't get to decide, I firmly believe it's a genetic thing. I can't even control which sex I'll prefer at any given time. I go through periods where I'm only into girls or only into guys and there is no overlap. These periods can last from a few days to months. The bad part is being in a long term relationship and losing interest all of a sudden and not really knowing why. So I have given up hurting people and only have infrequent, meaningless sex these days. The best of both worlds analogy is bullshit, being totally straight or totally gay has to be better than the almost schizophrenic aspect of bisexuality. I have met bi people, almost all female, that don't have any problems or internal conflicts at all and can maintain simultaneous relationships with both sexes. Are women more sexually together mentally, or are men like me just immature?

[Herbwoman39]

You don't get to decide, I firmly believe it's a genetic thing. I can't even control which sex I'll prefer at any given time. I go through periods where I'm only into girls or only into guys and there is no overlap. These periods can last from a few days to months. The bad part is being in a long term relationship and losing interest all of a sudden and not really knowing why. So I have given up hurting people and only have infrequent, meaningless sex these days. The best of both worlds analogy is bullshit, being totally straight or totally gay has to be better than the almost schizophrenic aspect of bisexuality. I have met bi people, almost all female, that don't have any problems or internal conflicts at all and can maintain simultaneous relationships with both sexes. Are women more sexually together mentally, or are men like me just immature?

I respect your opinion, however I disagree. I feel that sexuality is a combination of nature & nurture both, not just a single factor of genetics that confers sexual preference on us. I'm the ONLY LGBT person in my *entire* family. So how can it possibly be genetic for me?

I also believe that even though who we're attracted to fluctuates, what matters is how we choose to act on those urges. I've been happily married to the same man for 9 years. Some days I can't get enough of him. Others I want nothing to do with his genitalia. He understands this and is accepting of these changes.

Maybe I'm just fortunate to have found someone so compassionate towards my wants and desires. But it IS possible to be Bi and have a long term relationship.

[my-00-stang]

well i had my first time young at the age of 13 and it continued up until i was about 18 or so. after that i was dating girls got married had kids. for some reason i got an attitude toward gay people making jokes about them saying how disgusting it was for years........maybe trying to hide my own feelings and trying to fit in.....well i have been out and open to myself for about 5 yrs now, i except i am bi and look forward to when i get to experience it again.

[Cerealk]

The problem with homosexuality being genetic is that homosexual people have really low odds of reproduction, right? So, over the course of time, such phenomenal would have been "outted" from the genetic pool. Then you could say all livings are born bisexual, and for survival, the species would "naturally" tend toward heterosexual habits to promote the survival of the group. So in a society like ours where survival isnt an issue anymore, the homosexual and bisexual sides are getting more and more adopted openly. Then, that would mean that we somehow choose our orientation, which cant be. We can choose to accept it or not, but it does feel like its not something we can decide. The answer probably lies in something else and using the recent discovery of genetics as a reason behind this might be a good way for a minority to temporarily protect itself from abuses, since "rehabilitation" of such a thing is impossible. It does not explain anything.

It is probable that all living creatures are born un-sexual (which is kinda my view), and that the orientation is something developped over the course of time, interactions and experiences. Not that someone becomes homosexual by experiencing homosexual activities in childhood/teenage years, because then, prior to sexual contact of any type, we wouldnt be able to define our attraction.

I feel as if the answer is somewhere between the beginning of self-consciousness and the definition of sexual identity over time. Sexual attraction might then be dynamic and changing over time. Bodily changes are a huge factor in this, but I dont think they promote one side or the other, but only the rise of the need of sexual identification.

W/e, if I cant accept myself as a dynamic being, with the possibility that tomorrow I will be what I hate today, then I cant fully accept myself. And if I cant do that, who will?

[Cerealk]

Somehow I cant edit my post, so heres a precision.

I dont want to have to accept this and that about myself, but to accept that myself can be this or that and its ok if I feel it is.

[dans94]

Great posts, everyone! I pretty much constantly toss this subject around in my pea brain for exercise. My oppinion changes as much as my sexual desires though. I really like 'cerealk's' ideas but they put the thought of choice back in my brain. What if sexuality is a subconscious choice? I agree that the thought of 'big brother' reprogramming me is the most frightening possibility I could imagine but maybe it doesn't have to come to that.

We all would probably agree that the world population is rapidly becomming a huge problem. Maybe that's one reason I feel able to explore my bi-sexuality. I don't have any children and never really wanted any. There are many reasons for that but I won't bore you with them. Homosexuality and bisexuality may be human nature's way of limiting the population (along with war and other solvable reasons). I personally believe the more experienced and intelligent of the population will subconsciously and consciously drift towards self population control. I, for one, don't want to be a Lemming following the rest of my species over a cliff every now and then so the survivors can eat. We humans have a brain that is capable of reorganizing our priorities and justifying them (with religion and such) for our species survival.

The bottom line (as I'm thinking at the moment) is: so what if I chose to be bisexual. Afterall, I don't believe it's a disease and (agreeing with many of you) it might not even be genetic. I like to think it's an intelligent choice.

[jedinudist]

I am just wondering when you decided it was ok for you to admit, mostly to yourself, that were indeed bisexual? I have toyed with this whole thing for a long time and find myself still sitting on the fence. Am I bi or just bicurious? How mant "encounters" does it take to get off the fence? I have had a few encouters and have enjoyed them for the most part, but I am still hesitent to get off the fence.
I am looking for input suggestions or just a good KICK.
country60


The number of encounters had nothing to do with it for me. It was my wife helping me get past all the issues I had and helping me accept and understand who I am. That's what did it. The love, acceptance, understanding, and support of the most important person in the world.

[flexuality]

Somehow I cant edit my post, so heres a precision.

I dont want to have to accept this and that about myself, but to accept that myself can be this or that and its ok if I feel it is.
Posts can only be edited for up to an hour after submitting them. :rolleyes:

[TaylorMade]

Uhmmm... Somewhere between my Junior and Senior year of high school.

My first time with a woman was 2/1/2002, though.

*Taylor*

[country60]

Thanks to all of you who have replyed to my first post. I appreciate you r opinions and help. Country60 ;)

[Enoll]

I aways knew I liked boths sexes, I just never had a word for it
untill I was looking through a dictionary one day in grade 5.
It's sort of like an islander being naked but not knowing about the whole
"naked" concept untill settlers come along and explain it.