*using * people for sex ??? [Archive]

Long Duck Dong

Mar 24, 2007, 6:44 AM

I know that this thread is gonna raise a few peoples blood pressures, and its not intended to......my post is simply a way of looking at things and not intended to offend or upset or flame anybody

often as a bisexual, I am asked about my sexual activities, do I sleep around, do I have many partners etc etc etc
but one question that I get asked, sticks in my mind.... and that question is, do I use people for sex ??

well, I suppose that in a way, I could be......

honestly, if I have sex with a person for no other reason other than the chance to have sex, it can be classed as using people for sex
people may argue that aspect of looking at it, but if I am simply out to get laid with no strings attached, no desire for any contact outside of that one off contact, then yeah, for all intentions and purposes, I am using people for sex

its all too easy to say that we are just out for a good time, not a long time... but honestly.....all we are doing is thinking of number one, ourselves, yet we find that fact behind a number of excuses

I don't want a commitment, ...... I just wanna fuck around
I'm in a horny mood.........shut up, suck my cock, then fuck off
the world needs the chance to experience me........and my 2 inch dick
i have desires......how dare other people have feelings
its all about the experience....... of using people for sex

i am not about to get all moral and dignified over people that sleep around .... cos I don't care what people do, its their lives.....but I am curious how many people justify the fact that they are using excuses to hide the fact that they use people for sex.....

a prime excuse is here in the site, we have people that come into the chatroom and start pm'ing like a rabid dog.... no concern about your feelings or thoughts, they just want somebody to type in a line of text on to a monitor so they can have a wank, then leave....and thats cool, some people are into that.....but they are simply using people for their own sexual contention and then ignoring them

its a way of saying * fuck the world, its all about me, my life, my rights *.....and again I don't have a issue with that lol

so i asked myself the question, do I use people for sex..... mmmm yeah and no......90% of the time, I wank.....its just simpler and easier than going out to meet somebody just to fuck them, blow my load then discard them like a used kleenex.....that and the fact that I like to know people.... and I can have fuck buddies if I want them..... but I hate to * fuck and run *......

predominately its actually males that to the * fuck and run * thing.... its like a female is there for serve the male then guys wonder why females get so pissed off with us males......its our own fault, many of us males treat females like shit........

so how many of us, use people for sex, and use excuses as to why we do it......and how many, honestly admit that they meet people for sex, and don;t care about the person afterwards ???

Barejerrfla

Mar 24, 2007, 7:24 AM

well personally i tend to want to get to know and like... love even a person i am with sexually. now there are a whole gambit of qualifications/degrees for a friend or lover. I do have fuck buddies, but we are honest about the relationship before hand. I think that is the qualifier... up-front honesty. I have no problem being a fuck buddy... "hate that term" as long as I know I am. problems occures when you want more and the other person isn;t willing to (commit) to any other type of a relationship, other than "friends with sleeping privledges" and nothing is conveyed verbal or otherwise.

Just my opinion.. Jerr

ambi53mm

Mar 24, 2007, 7:58 AM

so how many of us, use people for sex, and use excuses as to why we do it......and how many, honestly admit that they meet people for sex, and don;t care about the person afterwards ???

Sweet Dreams-Eurythmics

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

This song came to mind as I was reading your post LDD.

The truth I face evryday in that the longer I live the more I can look back and say "Yea..that was me".. to just about everything...I've used and been used and enjoyed both...and have also regretted both as I've changed over time. Plenty of memories of using others for my own self-gratification..as well as memories of being used for others for their self-gratifications... sometimes with awarness and other times without any knowledge until it faded into the realms of retrospect.
People talk about the last moments of life having your life flash before your eyes...people of conscious deal with that flash every waking moment.. If there was such a thing as "judgement day" and now on this final day I had to answer such questions I'd throw up a proud but guilty hand along with a comment perhaps of "Yea...I did those things but I thought it kind of went with the human experience...and it was just a learning experience wasn't it?

So I send out this message to the Universe:

To all those I have ever wronged...I am sincerely sorry...
and to all those that have wronged me...You are forgiven...

Ambi :)

Herbwoman39

Mar 24, 2007, 9:35 AM

When I was in my early 20's I was a little horndog. I had a good number of one-nighters mostly for self-graification. However, the more I did the *fuck-and-run* scenario the more I discovered that my partners were doing the same thing.

So in the end, who's using who? If we both get our jollies and everyone leaves happy, where's the harm?

Now, as I've gotten older, I've discovered that I much prefer knowing someone first, being friends and then becoming intimate.

bi-robin-calif

Mar 24, 2007, 10:40 AM

Hmmm...are you asking for a response in terms of do bisexuals in general or do you specifically use people for sex?

I can't answer the latter, but as to the fomrer, what's wrong with asking your straight friends right back: "Well, don't you?"

So my other post about "Top 5 myths about bi men."

meteast chick

Mar 24, 2007, 10:56 AM

I don't honestly see that bisexuals use people any more than straight or homosexuals do. We all need sex, it's a basic animal instinct (no matter how many of those scientists say it's not)...it's animilistic as least. Maybe women are more programmed to want a relationship, but there are plenty of us who don't. I'm having that problem now. I would prefer to just have a there-one-night-gone-the-next type rendezvous, and everyone I meet wants to have a relationship. WHY OH WHY? I just want to get my rocks off people c'mon! I try not to lead anyone on, so if they're going into it thinking it will strengthen or develop into a relationship, I'm honest about it. Is this because I'm bi? Hell no, it's because I'm newly divorced and don't want a relationship now. I'm not alone in this endeavor.

Anyway, bisexuals have enough to worry about without having to worry if people think we use them. I don't know, there are plenty of people that use and want to be used for sex, and I don't hear them complaining!!!!

luv and kisses,
xoxoxoxoxoxo
meteast

DCoke

Mar 24, 2007, 12:31 PM

I'm a total virgin. A nervous virgin who's afraid of sex. But if I ever decide to "use" people for sex then I'll do it without shame. That's nothing shameful. And if people are so afraid of being used for sex then why the heck are they fucking anyone they're not dating? If I ever assume random sex means anything more than random sex then it's my fault if I get hurt.

How dare they have emotions? How dare they make stupid assumtions. How dare I have different values, different desires and not blame people for my blindness. It's not my job to compensate for their assumtions. As long as no one's lying WTFever. Is it any secret that some people just want to get laid? If their value system includes blinding themselves to such occurances...

darkeyes

Mar 24, 2007, 12:39 PM

I love using and being used. Its simple and its natural and its fun. Hopefully mutual fun. We are sexual animals and using and being used is what we do whether it is with one or a multitude of partners. It isnt necessarily bad or selfish. There is little nicer than mutual pleasure making. I'm single like to enjoy myself and if I get laid so what? Its life and it makes me feel alive!

I would much rather fuck someone than hurt them or steal from them or ply them with dope or any other kind of abuse of a human being! Thats using..not shagging!

happyjoe68

Mar 24, 2007, 12:39 PM

Once more, Long Duck Dong talks sense, even if for once I slighly disagree with him, but thats semantics for you ...

I think you have to look for deeper rooted reasons for why people have one-night stands.

A lot of people are scared of emotional intimacy - perhaps because they were hurt badly in the past - and emotional intimacy overpowers them because they would be too busy looking backwards to what was, rather than forwards to what might be. They feel it threatens them because it shines a spotlight on the vulnerability and need that exists within them (and all of us), rather than on the love they might receive through the emotional intimacy, and forget or deny that the person offering the emotional intimacy is just as vulnerable as they are. So when they claim "I'm being true to myself" or "I dont want commitments/needs/boundaries, etc", they are perhaps in denial about their needs and running away from something they should perhaps be running towards

darkeyes

Mar 24, 2007, 12:49 PM

I think you have to look for deeper rooted reasons for why people have one-night stands.

Why? If I have a one night stand, and I have, and will have again I hope, it is because I fancy someone and want them.. no need to look any further than that!

Its part of life and living, and if something else develops it is my kismet, but it is not an essential condition of getting laid!!!

Cerealk

Mar 24, 2007, 12:57 PM

woah, I really like how you put it happyjoe98. Emotional intimacy really means opening on our vulnerability to someone(s) else. Difficult past experience or trust "breakers" are hard on this. Personnally, im trying to find a way to open myself without having to fake who I am or force extra protection. I often feel defensive whenever someone tries to come close to me, as I feel I am not worthy of their attention.

Im not into one-nighters. Maybe Ill get some of them from time to time in the coming years, but thats not what I want personnally. I dont see the use or be use for sex as an issue, as long as every one involve is fully aware of what is happening. This kind of power play with other humans is part of our nature. Hiding it or banning it isnt going to make it stop. Be it sexually or not, there is often a notion of power in ANY human relationship.

The problem I see is when the situation makes it so its hard to tell if the people involved are aware or not of it. Most of the time, it wont even have any impact, but for a few of those, gotta be careful not to let ourselves get hurt too deeply or hurt others too much. I mean, pain is part of living and sometimes feeling some can be good, but w/e I disgress (sp).

TorontoGuy2007

Mar 24, 2007, 1:19 PM

interesting post, as always LDD.

i think the term "using" implies that someone is being tricked or mislead.

if two people openly engage in a casual sex encounter, well, sure both are using each other to satisfy their needs. Yet at the same time, it is a mutual partnership. there are no time limits for a "relationship." a one night stand could technically be described as a "one day relationship" because there is a mutual agreement to participate in a sexual activity. nobody is being forced into it, nobody is being mislead, the terms of the "contract" are quite upfront and clarified.. and in the end, both parties are obtaining a satisfactory result.

"using" someone would mean that someone is tricked into giving sex, perhaps with false promises that this relationship is more than just sex.

as far as women who complain about men wanting casual sex, well, it takes two to have sex. for every woman that complains about men using women, well, there seems to always be lots of willing female partners who are happy to engage in these sexual activities with the men.

when i enter any type of relationship, sure, i have my own wants and needs.. but at the same time, i'd like to think that i am contributing something meaningful to the partnership. you could technically say that we "use each other" to realize mutual wants and needs.. that is what a relationship is all about

darkeyes

Mar 24, 2007, 1:31 PM

Precisely Toronto hun.. :)

mistymockingbird

Mar 24, 2007, 1:31 PM

I've used for sex. Not ashamed of it. I don't think sexuality has anything to do with a person's views on casual sex. I think it's based on many other factors. My partners predominantly fall into two categories.

Category 1: One nighters/Fuck buddies where the action is purely about a physical need (or yes happyjoe, filling some emotional void for that night without having to actually address the issue ;) ). These are the folks who don't really know anything about me, may not even know my real name. There's not a whole lot of conversation. They know what they need to know, which is that if they're looking for a relationship, I am not that girl. Doesn't mean we can't have fun in the moment. When people ask me how I can be ok with type of behavior this is my answer...I'm not having sex with someone on the first date, hoping that if I put out, that person will like me enough to ask me out again. This is done on my terms. Everyone knows what's going to happen, before, during, and afterwards. I'm being used as much as I am using. I do think its harder to find women that are down for the NSA casual thing.

Category 2: Friends with benefits. These are the folks who know me. The real me. And sometimes we have sex. They are the folks I prefer to have sex with. They are the folks that make up most of my sexual experiences. Random sex is fun but more fulfilling is being with someone who knows you well. Emotion is involved. No doubt. Navigating the dynamics of a friendship can be tricky sometimes when you're not having sex. Throw that into the mix and the fact that I am not the monogamous type, and oy vey. Sometimes it makes a girl wanna call up one of her fuck buddies. lol There has only been one occasion where someone who started out as a fuck buddy (albeit by phone only) crossed the line and became a genuine friend.

I know why I behave the way I do. I could write a novel about the experiences that have made me this way. Bottom line, I'm ok with it. I'm not doing anything to hurt myself. I am as safe as one can be. I'm upfront and honest about how I am. Unfortunately I know I've still hurt people. People who got involved on some level and hoped that they would be the one to make me change. I regret that, but I never intentionally led them to believe I was looking to change. So there ya are.

darkeyes

Mar 24, 2007, 2:16 PM

deletetacount123

Mar 24, 2007, 2:23 PM

My new flattie moved in 2day..she had a wee look on the site (being a raving dyke bisex.com isnt for her) and made the throwaway remark what an odd confused lot we are! She has also fallen in love with Marie and has decided that she must be converted at all costs! And lastly having read this thread has decided her new flatmate is a "fucking slut"!!!

Why the hell do I like her???? :tong:

You like her cause shes different :) A lot of people tend to like someone who seems to be oppsite.

My friend Andrea likes me cause Im someone she can come to when she just wants peace and quiet cause Im a quiet girl and she knows she can relax when around me when shes not in the "wild fun" mood. lol
Shes hyper, we love to bug each other with our differences but I think thats why we like each other, we're different :) Not the same as our usual group of friends lol
But if she knew I was on this site she'll go
"TASHA!!! Quiet shy girls DO NOT go on sites like this!!!" lol
If she knew I had sex toys, oh ya, I'll never hear the end of it cause I once told her they were stupid toys. lol
(That was a long time ago back in school)

meteast chick

Mar 24, 2007, 3:56 PM

DiamondDog

Mar 24, 2007, 3:59 PM

I could care less what 2 consenting adults or even a bigger number than that do with each other for sex.

bi-robin-calif

Mar 24, 2007, 5:36 PM

She has also fallen in love with Marie and has decided that she must be converted at all costs!

She needs to be certain that it's love and just not increased incentives. You know, the prizes for recruiting lesbians have improved. Besides toaster ovens, you can now win I-Pods and Pocket PCs.

So maybe it really isn't love but simply crass materialism...

biwords

Mar 24, 2007, 5:59 PM

"Using" is a term laden with disapproval. If I'm in a shoe store, I'm "using" the clerk, since I'm only there for a pair of shoes and not for a meaningful relationship, and the clerk is likewise "using" me, simply in order to enhance his income. But so long as we treat each other with courtesy and respect, the word "using", with all its bad connotations, doesn't really apply. Yes, having sex with someone isn't the same thing as shopping for shoes, but it seems that the principle still holds. (Just to be clear, I say this despite never having had, or wanted to have, a one-night stand).

innaminka

Mar 24, 2007, 6:39 PM

Have I "used" people for sex? I hope not.
Have I had chance encounters where both parties were happy that sex between us was the main reason for being together? - aka "one Niters"
Yes of course I have. Not infrequently
"Used" is harsh term. I would hope that the other person received the joy of connection, the lift in libido and self-esteem that happens with me.

BiDaveDtown

May 14, 2012, 1:06 AM

Why does LDD assume that most biseuxal men or males in his words "fuck and run"? Why does LDD claim that if two or more men have sex together and it's a one night stand or NSA sex that they are somehow "using" each other for sex? I'm a bisexual man and I did try sex with a stranger once and it was not for me. Yes there are women out there who are interested in one night stands or NSA sex and more than LDD thinks. If other consenting adults want to have NSA sex or one night stands it's fine but I tried it once and I didn't enjoy it. I only prefer to have sex with people who I am dating or in a relationship with before I was married that's what I did. Now I only have sex with my wife since we're monogamous.

DuckiesDarling

May 14, 2012, 2:08 AM

I have to question why you, BiDaveDtown, bumped up a thread that is five years old to try and have a go at the OP. You don't like what he says, put him on ignore. Don't just try to shit stir by bumping up threads this old.

darkeyes

May 14, 2012, 4:42 AM

tenni

May 14, 2012, 7:07 AM

darkeyes

May 14, 2012, 8:02 AM

However much I may agree wivya bout sex an sharin' Tenni.. twas nowt but a petty piece of points scorin' by the "man" an if u forgive me for sayin' so ur own comment bout Darlin' darlin' is rather petty an all...

DuckiesDarling

May 14, 2012, 8:37 AM

Interesting on a couple of levels. The OP communicates as someone who uses people for sex but via a shell game comes across as judging people who have casual sex as using people". I prefer 2 look at it as sharing sensual pleasures with each other than moralising about using. Not a word about being asexual either....

Then his momma comes running out telling bidave off :( Not a word about the self disclosure of her internet lover being a practioner of casual sex.

Tenni, did you even notice the fucking thread is five fucking years old? LONG Before he met me. So grow the fuck up and go worry about your own FUCKING life and quit trying to devalue my relationship as just INTERNET because you are fucking jealous you don't fucking have one?? That enough f words for you or do I need to go ask your petty permission for more fucking around?

tenni

May 14, 2012, 11:03 AM

DuckiesDarling

May 14, 2012, 11:08 AM

darkeyes
Ok..petty perhaps to a small degree but what contradictions are posted by the OP over five years. I recognize his writing style was clearer five years ago but the manipulations to put bisexuals who practise casual sex down is constant. His position five years ago did not use the "I'm "asexual natured" but I still like to have casual sex a lot to the point that I think that I'm using people rather than sharing sensual pleasures with them".

It is interesting how a poster can shovel it out to in attack mode but not follow her own comment about blocking /ignore button. If you don't like what bidave posts (or me) block us. Don't read our comments. Do respond. Its also interesting darkeyes that you have not pointed this contradiction out to her? Pick and chose who you criticize often ?..maybe a bias against being critical of female posters luffly?

Tenni, you are way off base. Now you are having a go at Fran for not having a go at me when I posted after her? Do you even use your brain at times? You can try and toss it out all day long and it's gonna come back on you. You don't get a free pass at me or my man. You don't get to make snide remarks and think I'll let them slide and you don't get to keep flouting rule 2 so obviously without Drew being notified EACH AND EVERY TIME. So if you want to wind up permanently banned instead of just a temp ban for going after people, keep it up.

ROFLMAO, what's the matter didn't like the fact it was pointed out you were going after Fran so you had to change it? And so what if I'm in "stealth mode" what you have to make sure someone isn't online before you launch a personal attack then edit before the time is up? I've seen you do it a lot and I've also seen you completely edit a post to change the entire tone of what you say. Just like LittleRay pointed out, edit is for fixing typos or adding further informatin not changing the history of the post.

darkeyes

May 14, 2012, 12:50 PM

God this place gets worse... u pick up on what u want tenni.. that's ur prerogative.. 5 year old posts unless I have a very good reason, are in the past and not something I often revisit.....times change.. we change and how we think changes... and revisiting old threads and posts is usually not a very smart idea.. in my view it can and does led to accusations of petty vindictiveness... and even although u wage this stupid war on Duckie and Darlin' darlin' actually don't think u to be either of those things particularly.. nor do I believe that u can be held solely responsible for it... it takes more than one to make a fight...

I did not respond cos I did not feel any pressing need to.. I did read the unedited post so didn't need it reposting, but I don't put people on ignore because I believe it shows an element of immaturity and is something I happen to have a distaste for.. there are other reasons which I posted only last week but I don't think they are necessary for my purposes today.. nor do I like to report people, DD, or to get them banned, or even see them banned... and neither do I enjoy seeing those I like try and lead the site owner down that road either... Tenni in this instance may have been petty but that does not mean that there is no validity to his criticism..even 5 years down the line.. but I don't consider tenni to be "going after " me, and don't believe he has ever gone after anyone... he has particular opinions which he holds strongly some of which unfortunately do border at least on the personal.. such a feeling of persecution shows an insecurity I'm afraid I do not have.. it is not a case of "going after" but a case of wanting his questions answered... in his original post he asked of me certain things and it may be that he edited the post because he thought the better of it... but to answer tenni's question in the original unedited post and the inferred criticism.. I don't make any distinction on who I may criticise based on gender.. any criticism is based on how I feel about an issue.. nothing else... gender preference plays no part and I did and do object to and resent any inference to the contrary. I have answered about blocking.. it is not something I do.. I am quite mature and strong enough to take criticism or read anything anyone care's to throw at me.. how or whether I react is my affair.

Finally, I do not enjoy someone I consider as a friend stirring and trying to end my friendship with one he or she has issues with... I find it unfortunate that after having confided in PM to one of my liking for the other, to find posted something which can be construed as trying to swing my feelings in an altogether different direction.. I'd rather it was not repeated.. I wish to and will remain friends with both if I can but will not have friendships undermined by what I see as an unhealthy and often petty rivalry.....

cornholejoe

May 14, 2012, 6:38 PM

well i dont use people for sex i just have people who like to have nsa sex some of them are friends who i hang out with and some just meet up for sex so whats the big deal

PrettyFlowingGown

May 14, 2012, 7:04 PM

I have a CD freind who stops over (on average) once every month and we have sex. he lives cuppla hours away, so he cant come over all the time. we are good freinds and keep in touch. we enjoy being intimate. we're close, but not a couple. we both have our seperate lives, but know that when we want to do something beautiful, we are there for each other.
i have a gay freind too who i've had sex with a few times too, infact i'm seeing him in 2 weeks after my holidays.

Cherokee_Mountaincat

May 14, 2012, 8:07 PM

Duck, this is an OLD but good thread nevertheless..:} In town here theres a young man who we in the Swing lifestyle call a "Fuck n Toss" He says that his only goal is to service women (and men) then leave, essentually a fuck n run, but he is meticulous in his pleasurings and is a favorite with us ladies..:}
Its his Desire to be "Used"--his wish to provide pleasure to women, and he rarely asks for any release in return. I personally am so very oral that I grab him and suck his socks off up thru his cock (Shup Rich) and he accepts that from me, or on rare occassion I permit him to don a condom and get release by fucking hard and animal-like (Pant pant..Mama Loves) lol
If a person is happy with that, then it should be up to Them what kind of using and giving that there is.
Its a simple way of life.. and life happens..:}
Cat

Long Duck Dong

May 15, 2012, 2:23 AM

talk about a walk down memory lane, lol....

I remember the frustration I felt when I wrote the original post..... the chance encounter with yet another person that assumed because I was bisexual, that I was all about having sex with as many people as possible, and that I did not care about the other people, I just used them * cos thats what bisexuals do * according to the person that had confronted me.....

I remember thinking at the time, is that how people see bisexuals and bisexuality? do they really think that everybody has no feelings and emotions because they are bisexual.... and why is it that they think people are like that ?

I was diagnosed with dystimia and a asexual nature some time after I created this thread and a couple of years later, met DD, my partner.... and the answers shared in the thread, helped me and DD with our relationship and her understanding of me and my unique situation.... and the fact that there are times that I want to be used, just treated like a toy... and now with the understanding that its a aspect of the dystimia, our relationship has become very strong indeed, as DD is aware that shes not abusing me or using me, but helping me deal with the depressive swings in a most unusual way

so thank you to all the people past and present that have posted and shared their own personal experiences and understandings, thank you very much indeed

dafydd

May 15, 2012, 6:13 AM

I could care less what 2 consenting adults or even a bigger number than that do with each other for sex.Damn... That's no fun! Other people's sex lives is pretty much the main conversation on my regular Friday night pub quiz evenings with my mates. For each person in the group, at different times, an almost sicophantic approach to everyones else's sexual frolics distracts attention away from the fact that he is not getting much himself Also it is always great to have Nosey friends who delight in every reccounted detail of your own over embellished performance between the sheets with whats-their-name the night before.Look it's lads night... It happens once a week... Four times more frequently than I have sex (but if I feign interest in everyone else's shags, no one will stop talking long enough to find that out). Also I think having sex vicariously through others is one of the safest types of sex to have. And even if your totally smashed or bored to tears, gloaters or sexual raconteurs won't easily notice you've lost interest during their reverie.Huh? What's the topic again?Oh yeah.. I think two people using each other for sex is totally healthy if their single and thats understood. Its also apparently common for one or both partners to use each other for sex after years of marriage or for anybody in a relationship with a mismatched horn cycle synchronicity- as soon as they wake up.