The bisexual loner

[Long Duck Dong]

grins.... this is something that I address a lot..... its actually one of the most ignored but most factual aspects of the human race

the loner... the person that feels no need for marriage, relationships or companionship......or my favourite term * the relationship / marriage challenged * lol

now I get a bit annoyed at societies teachings that in order to be happy, you need love / a partner.....and like myself, there are many loners out there.....
sadly society portrays us as the outcasts, the weirdos, the fucked up, frustrated dating site rejects.....

we are any thing but.......

the hardest thing to understand about us, is that we are not alone.... we have you.... some of the best friends, confidantes, support people, helpers and yeah, lovers, in the world.... with you, we are complete without needing the relationship / marriage to fulfill our needs.......

we are not sexually motivated or frustrated..... sex is nice.... but we find a sharing and loving warmth in friendships that we lose in a one to one relationship

we are fully capable of committing... lol...and we have... to our friends and our lives..... we are complete..... and thats where most people struggle to relate

lets see if we can help you there....

relationships and marriage are a one on one strong bonding....you fall in love with ya partner and wish to be together.... and thats fine.... loners on the other hand.... develop one on many bondings and develop strong friendships with people that we share our love with.....we are the sort of people that can develop life long friendships and never marry.....but our friendships can take the place of relationships / marriage

rather than devote my life to one person... i freely give my life for many people.... and so i have a awesome give / take...love/ laugh.... joke / cry.... hug / kiss situation.....and at times when i am stuck or in a awkward situation i have many options to choose from.....instead of the one partner....

a lot of the issues that we face, is the constant ads online or on tv that that tell us that we can meet mr / mrs right... our soulmate..... the love of our lives.... and sadly its a money making con.......it plays on peoples desires to be happy and tries to convince us all that happiness is just $29.95 a month away.....

even society will look sideways at a person that says that they have never married...and feel no desire to be in a one on one relationship......

we are often not polyamorous ( having multiple romances ) as we don't feel the need to ....... friendship to us, is far better.....and indeed many of our friends become a sort of life * partner *

what tends to set us apart....is the simple things...... because our energy is not focussed on one person, we are free to explore many different areas of life and share them with others.... hence in my case, I am able to use a existing skill ( writing ) and add my knowledge and understanding to it.... to help enlighten many others......

sadly some of us have suffered bad relationships, lives, environments, and that can contribute to our desire to never be in a relationship/ marriage..... where as others may go from bad relationship to bad relationship......
some of us go even deeper into the * loner * lifestyle, like monks etc

the trouble with understanding the monks is that if people try to imagine life without love, they struggle....the idea of no sex / hugs / kisses etc is as alien to them as life from pluto

but loners, such as myself.... find things in nature to be far more rewarding than the issues of human life....
as humans we now deal with jobs, bills stress, personal issues, housing, families, parenting, social issues, world politics etc.......but a loner is free to avoid a lot of that.....as they are not having to compromise or agree to disagree in their private lives....

that is not to say that relationship/ marriages deal with it all ...sometimes they are the same as the loner......and find peace in writing, gardening, spending time with friends, doing arts and crafts and yeah, chatting in bisexual.com

over the years I have found that being in relationships has hindered my ability to explore and understand all the diversity around me... and i had to face the truth one day.... that I struggle in a relationship.......i am a solitary natured person....much like my wicca beliefs.....and that I find peace in chaos much easier than i find balance in relationships

so smile when you meet a person that has never married but is always there with hugs and smiles..... you are one of the people that they love, respect and admire so much...

[AngelOfTheMystic]

Thanks for sharing that insight with us. It's always good to have the other ciew point of things so that away we can better understand why people and things are the way they are!

[12voltman59]

Well said Long Duck-----

[someotherguy]

I've never heard them say who they are, or who are most people, or the collective judge called society. Figments of imagination, seen from a lonely window as strangers passing by. Imaginary opinions projected out onto crowds and commuters and audiences, supported by anecdote and rationalization. Yet take any one of that crowd alone, single them out as a person to talk to, and you find only yourself wearing other clothes, and perhaps a bit taller or shorter.

I once climbed the mountain of public opinion and from my concealment among untended shrubs peeked up at the gods towering above me and saw only men of straw lashed to posts. From the distance through a fog they had seemed god-like and real, but now, mere illusion.

They are the crowd of imaginary playmates of many loners whose solitary view and journey seek balance and ballast. For every loner there is one imaginary other, together they all make they, or them, the infamous society with which loners argue and plead their cases, not to be judged well but to be considered at all; to be noticed and heard, at all. Like singing to a theater full of empty seats, imagining applause and rave reviews, or indignant at the criticism imagined.

Why? Because without that one other person, the imagination strains outward to find embrace, expanding like the universe searching for a boundary that recedes before it even quicker. Because each assumption placed as a thought and opinion in that imaginary other's mind is another step someone would have to take to get close enough to hurt you. Fear and love in conflict invent the murmur of opinions you imagine, on behalf of people who really don't think about you at all, one way or another. Because along with imaginary friends, come imaginary enemies.

In the actual world are only real people not thinking much at all about other people, stopping to think of certain issues only very briefly when attention snags on something flashing by on TV or in conversation. These all-important issues are poorly attended wrestling matches held in the arenas of a single mind, that of the dichotomous wrestler grappling himself, imagining in the fury of his anguish the roar of an Olympic crowd. Then, the sounds of other single hands clapping.

[gentlepen9]

"Loners, if you catch them, are well worth the trouble. Not dulled by excess human contact, not blase or focused on your crotch while jabbering about themselves, loners are curious, vigilant, full of surprises. They do not cling. Separate wherever they go, awake or asleep, they shimmer with the iridescence of hidden things seldom seen. The pearl, the swallow's egg, the lost doubloon, the jewel in the lotus. You don't need to be told this. You know."

Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto (http://www.amazon.com/Party-One-Manifesto-Anneli-Rufus/dp/1569245134/sr=1-1/qid=1169136597/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/105-1918122-9396410?ie=UTF8&s=books)by Anneli Rufus


As soon as I started reading this thread I went and grabbed my copy of Rufus' book. It's been a long while since I last picked it up but doing so now reminds me of who I am at the core of my own being. I don't necessarily consider myself a loner, being that I'm married and I do have a few friends. But I often feel as though I can identify with those who do consider themselves loners. One of the pressures I've often felt from society is the emphasis that's placed on being extroverted. We're constantly encouraged to be social butterflies; get out and mingle. And although this is good and helpful in some cases it can also be rather exhausting. A lot of energy is expended when you're trying to maintain various relationships, social appearances and keeping up with the status quo. Yet wonder why we are so spent by the week's end. Society tends to view negatively those introverted souls who feel less inclined to do so and fail to give positive recognition to how loners contribute to society. Some of our best literature and art has been created by solitary beings. And I can't help but wonder where would modern science and technology be if it wasn't for someone who preferred their lab or garage to being the life of a party. Good thread Long Duck. Thanks for bringing it up.

[Long Duck Dong]

I've never heard them say who they are, or who are most people, or the collective judge called society. Figments of imagination, seen from a lonely window as strangers passing by. Imaginary opinions projected out onto crowds and commuters and audiences, supported by anecdote and rationalization. Yet take any one of that crowd alone, single them out as a person to talk to, and you find only yourself wearing other clothes, and perhaps a bit taller or shorter.

I once climbed the mountain of public opinion and from my concealment among untended shrubs peeked up at the gods towering above me and saw only men of straw lashed to posts. From the distance through a fog they had seemed god-like and real, but now, mere illusion.

They are the crowd of imaginary playmates of many loners whose solitary view and journey seek balance and ballast. For every loner there is one imaginary other, together they all make they, or them, the infamous society with which loners argue and plead their cases, not to be judged well but to be considered at all; to be noticed and heard, at all. Like singing to a theater full of empty seats, imagining applause and rave reviews, or indignant at the criticism imagined.

Why? Because without that one other person, the imagination strains outward to find embrace, expanding like the universe searching for a boundary that recedes before it even quicker. Because each assumption placed as a thought and opinion in that imaginary other's mind is another step someone would have to take to get close enough to hurt you. Fear and love in conflict invent the murmur of opinions you imagine, on behalf of people who really don't think about you at all, one way or another. Because along with imaginary friends, come imaginary enemies.

In the actual world are only real people not thinking much at all about other people, stopping to think of certain issues only very briefly when attention snags on something flashing by on TV or in conversation. These all-important issues are poorly attended wrestling matches held in the arenas of a single mind, that of the dichotomous wrestler grappling himself, imagining in the fury of his anguish the roar of an Olympic crowd. Then, the sounds of other single hands clapping.

public opinion is collective popular opinion.......

most people in life are loners in their opinions.... but a collective opinion creates a whole.....the more opinions you get in a single issue, supporting each other.... then the more chance that it becomes society opinion

but the person is still a loner....speaking out with a single voice...lol

but how your opinion differs from mine..... is that I am not isolating society, but the diversity within society and those, that make up the system known as society

the judge, known as society, is simply a large number of collective opinions that are similar....but the opinions, are yours and mine... and any other person that seeks to share their views

all i am doing is saying amongst the crowds of society, the nameless masses... are individuals..... people that are at piece and happy without social conformity... and in this forum... i smile, hug them and tell the world, their * story *.....

to me, you are simply a faceless murmur in a forum...... and yet you write your opinion ....why ???? cos its your voice.....and behind that voice is a person.... as unique as us all.... but that lil murmur in the forum, may join other lil murmurs....and a voice is heard.... a collective voice.....
i just like giving the faceless murmurs a face if they wish it...... and a chance to know that they are not put in a corner and ignored.... but that amongst the crowds......somebody watchs and notices.... and cares...


think about this
Iwanu ga hana... and such is the voice of the loner.....

[Long Duck Dong]

lol gentlepen, i have heard about that book....its meant to be brilliantly written and very insightful

thank you so much for posting about it.......would love to know more about it

[wanderingrichard]

well , LDD, there ya go again, tellin my life story.

<. i really gotta find that hidden camera into my soul.......>

[but that's my name!!]

"Loners, if you catch them, are well worth the trouble. Not dulled by excess human contact, not blase or focused on your crotch while jabbering about themselves, loners are curious, vigilant, full of surprises. They do not cling. Separate wherever they go, awake or asleep, they shimmer with the iridescence of hidden things seldom seen. The pearl, the swallow's egg, the lost doubloon, the jewel in the lotus. You don't need to be told this. You know."


I like this. :) :flag3:

[izzfan]

Damn right LDD, loners really get a bad press these days. I mean, look in the press whenever there is a serious crime... If the criminal happens to be a 'loner', this is stated prominently when describing the criminal, but they never say "the thief/murderer/attacker was in a relationship for several years...our team of tabloid psychologists believe this is a warning sign that should have been picked up earlier..." lol. Definately, being a loner has got a really bad press these days
I mean some people might like relationships but I've seen so many of my friends get into relationships with people when I was in 6th form college (ages 16-18) and they tend to either break up.... and I usually end up being the one helping my mate to get through the break-up. Also, back in 6th form college my mates were very important to me and I used to get extermely annoyed when they would get into a relationship with some girl [all of my mates back in college were str8 as far as I know] who was usually annoying as hell [only one of my mates (he was from a different college) has actually had a girlfriend who was actually a rather cool person]. Not only would I hav to put up with their girlfriend virtually every time I met them, I also began to notice that I was spending a lot less time with my friends on account of them being with their girlfriend - it pissed me off a lot and definately put me off relationships. There is also the issue of time [huge amount of time being wasted with boyfriend/girlfriend when you could spend it doing something farm ore useful]and money [relationships aren't healthy for the bank balance] - also, I spare myself the emotional problems of the inevitable tearful break-up. And people wondered why I stay single or have one night stands lol.
Perhaps I will get into a relationship when I'm older but right now I would rather live my life the way I want to live it rather than the way some boyfriend/girlfriend wants me to live it

Izzfan :flag3:

[jamiehue]

My friends and myself were recently at a chinese rest. where the placemats were of the astrological type. Im a "cock" on it goes to say something like selfish loner....oh but im a aquairian i went on to say then spilled the soup and tossed the placemat.

[bigregory]

I feel great knowing my wife/kids and others will be there for me no matter how bad i screw up.
So I guess I'm not a loner type.. :2cents:

[Chaia]

LDD, you have described one of my dearest friends. We have known each other for 32 years and she comes to dinner once a week with our family. I have always known that even though she lives alone, she is not lonely. I do get lonely without people around (I sometimes wish I could be more like her.) Now I understand her not NEEDING (not the same as not wanting) a marriage type relationship. Thank you.

[onewhocares]

Man, LDD are you not the most gifted at reading the wants and desires of the folks here? I should think so. Your threads are cleaver and thought provoking. This is no exception, were it not for the responses of some wonderful insightful people, say Volty, Someotherguy, Toronto and others I would post a greater note. I guess I too must consider the rationale as a loner. A loner may be solitary yet not alone. I so enjoy my time of solitude being able to express not verbally but with writing those ideals and thoughts which may be hard to speak. We seem to see things clearly and somewhat abstractly at best. I should like to think I am good company.


Belle

[CHOCOLATECITY32]

Loners, if you catch them, are well worth the trouble. Not dulled by excess human contact, not blase or focused on your crotch while jabbering about themselves, loners are curious, vigilant, full of surprises. They do not cling. Separate wherever they go, awake or asleep, they shimmer with the iridescence of hidden things seldom seen. The pearl, the swallow's egg, the lost
doubloon, the jewel in the lotus. You don't need to be told this. You know

[ambi53mm]

"....rather than devote my life to one person... i freely give my life for many people.... and so i have a awesome give / take...love/ laugh.... joke / cry.... hug / kiss situation.....and at times when i am stuck or in a awkward situation i have many options to choose from..."


.......I have to admire your spirit LDD....For one to give so freely and with the level of sincerity and passion you often display, takes courage in a world where the focus appears to one of self-centeredness, intolerance, conformity to the status quo, and ego driven personal agendas. There are those who are loners because the call of something greater than themselves can not be ignored...It is more than what one person can fulfill... Giving requires opening up and allowing yourself to be vulnerable to all the negative energy floating around out there...they absorb in their giving... sacrificing the tranquility of their personal solitude, and then finally... seek solitude to regurgitate what's been absorbed... Retrieving the bits and pieces of the shattered souls of those they heal...they return to their aloneness.. …healing themselves in order to give again..... a cycle repeated over and over again because it is the path they must walk...Such is the path of the loner... and such is the path of the Shaman.

Ambi :)