Bisexuality and gender perception

[izzfan]

A bit of background first:

Firstly, let me start by saying that I am mildly transgendered, basically in addition to being a TV [only ever gone out in public crossdressed twice and both occasions were under the guise of 'fancy dress'] I occasionally feel more 'feminine' (not always when I CD) and this generally involves me feeling a lot more 'social', concerned with appearence, friendly (especially with female friends), relaxed etc... This is quite rare and is usually followed by a bout of excessive masculinity,probably to compensate, (occasionally extending to what some people have labelled as 'misogyny', especially when I start talking about women) and self-loathing.
As for what tiggers my feminine side to emerge is somewhat of a mystery. Once when I was 16 [and in the latter stages of deluding myself that I was 100% str8] I decided to give up the search for a girlfriend and when I stopped viewing women as potential partners I gained several more female friends and just before my masculine side kicked in aggressively I actually held the view that women were better than most men [who I had taken to view as 'crass'/'less intellectual' etc...]. When I first went out 'en femme' [halloween 2006] I felt a lot more feminine than normal, but I didn't when I went out for the 2nd time [in a fancy dress LGBT disco in December '06] so CDing doesn't always make me feel feminine. I have also noticed that I can become far more feminine/effeminate when drunk.

How does this have anything to do with bisexuality?:

Well, I have noticed that my sexuality seems to vary slightly depending on my current gender perception and I was wondering if I was the only one that this happened to. Let me explain, when I am in an excessively 'masculine' state of mind I become a lot more homosexual and I tend to prefer sexual contact with men as I feel that I can empathise with them a lot more and because I don't want intimacy with women as I seem to view them as 'alien' and 'untrustworthy'. Also my sexual fantasies when in 'masculine' mode occasionally tend to be somewhat 'misogynistic' [nothing serious: usually mild BDSM fantasies in which I am either cross-dressed and submissive or where I am watching a submissive transvestite/ woman] and perhaps this is linked with trying to suppress my feminine side.
Now the strange thing is that when I am feeling 'feminine', I tend to be far more heterosexual and I can actually kiss women etc... without shrinking away in horror/disgust/fear/self-loathing and I tend to view homosexual activities as too 'masculine' for me and I seem to be able to empathise more with women and feel comfortable around female friends [rather than feeling 'on edge' or paranoid] and . My sexual fantasies are usually not 'misogynistic' and if they are then I tend to feel more self-loathing than usual about them.

Is this a common thing for anyone who is TG and bisexual? Any advice? etc...
[apologies if I've alienated/offended anyone by this thread, it wasn't my intent to do so - my intent was to seek any advice about gender and bisexuality and perhaps start a discussion on the topic]

Izzfan :flag2:

[ps: when I refer to 'self-loathing', I am not talking about a state of deep depression but rather a far more paranoid state when you can't look anyone in the eye because you feel that you're some sort of 'pervert'/'deviant' etc... that deserves to be looked upon with disdain etc..]

[LoveLion]

I am similar in some ways and different in others. I too find that my masculinity/femininity (word?) sways. Sometimes I feel quite feminine while other times I feel quite masculine. This never effects my sexual mood though. Sometimes when feeling masculine I feel like I would prefer a woman and other times when I feel masculine, I feel like I would enjoy a man more. Other times I feel like I would like either equally. For me masculinity/femininity is a totally separate factor from current sexual/emotional desires.

When it comes to acting on feelings of masculinity/femininity, I just act how I feel, that simple. If I am feeling feminine then I act more feminine. If I am feeling masculine then I act masculine. Its just more of a natural flow and I dont even really notice any change happening, and probably wouldnt even realise if others didnt point out the fact that I sometimes I act masculine and sometimes Im quite feminine. Just go with your flow, and dont worry about trying to act one way or another.

[TorontoGuy2007]

hi izz

interesting thread.. i sorta have some of those feelings at times.. i often wonder if i am really a female trapped in a male body, or if i am just a very feminine kinda guy..

i have these strange mood swings back and forth.. sometimes i am in a "i hate women" mood because of all the rejections i have suffered.. this makes me feel like it's time to be a rebel and get out there and fuck as many guys as i can find..

other times while i am in more of a relaxed mood, i'll fantasize about being with a woman i am crushing over..

but at all times i see myself in the female kinda role.

mentally, i tend to be the same whether i am at home in my women's bra and panties (i've never actually gone out in public cross dressed) or outside in the so-called real world in men's ware..

lots of things going thru my mind. trying to differentiate all these feelings.. my bisexuality feelings, my crossdressing feelings, and the thought that i may be a transgender..

i know i have tons of emotional scars and wounds from years of rejections and failed relationships that ended after bairly starting.

sexually, is another issue. i see myself more as a woman.. the idea of vaginal sex actually scares me and intimidated me.. partially because i had a few opportunities to do it but couldn't actually get it up, ya know..

all my fantasies are about oral (giving and receiving) or for male fantasies - anal (receiving/bottom)

being bi is something i just came to officially accept and recognize about a month ago, so the confusion and mood swings are there.. but it's also been a relief.. i can finally admit i am attracted to men and not feel bad about it.. guess this has given me a new life and new hope that after 33 years of failure with women, that maybe there is another way to end my lonliness and become happy..

not sure if anything i said here was related to your post, but guess my point is there it's normal to go thru mixed feelings at different times..

[Long Duck Dong]

lol i love these types of questions lol

the answer is you are quite normal.....

its a good idea on how indepth bisexuality truly is....

the issue becomes the understanding of bisexual as not just a sexual attraction but a genuine state of personality

in the same manner that a hermaphrodite is dual sexual in the body sense
a bisexual can be dual sexual in the mental and emotional sense

izzyfan, you are showing the traits of a dual natured ( personality ) bisexual... or what is termed as a * true * bisexual .. a person who's sexuality is not defined by what hole they are fucking.... but by the fact that they display strong male/ female characteristics in their normal every day life, that goes beyond sexual attraction and bedroom behievour ( which is covered by the term* bisexuality * )


now dual identities are not a cause for alarm....they are the opposite ends of the same personality and have their own unique traits... and you are a prefectly normal person but with the bonus of having the ability to * become * a masculine / feminine natured person lol

if you were to split the identities apart and place them in different bodies, then you would have cloned yourself, but has a gay and a les clone..... and knowing how gays and lesbians can be towards other people..... it may help you understand the feelings of self loathing.... etc

now the difference between a straight trans gender, a les/gay transgender and a bisexual trans gender, is mainly the extent to which the personality plays a role

a dominant personality trans gender...will be mainly male or female..... for example if you were a male TG with a dominate female personality...you would display more feminine aspects..and lil male aspects... like a 15/85% mix
dominant personality people are strict heteros / gays / les...they are far less likely to experiment sexually and stick strictly to the one sex

a dual personality TG, is more like a bisexual with a 30/70% to a 50/50 % mix of the personalities, with no dominate personality... but fluid changes between the male female aspects of the person

but again, i say, its perfectly normal and actually a awesome ability, be proud

[someotherguy]

It sounds like contortions trying to fit archetypes to thwart anticipated rejection. What's wrong with being you, that costumes and roles allow or suppress desires and self-expression?

[MarieDelta]

Hi izzfan,

Well from what I have heard you aren't at all alone. Do you have a deep desire to be female that won't leave you alone?

The sheer vollume of TG fiction out there at sites like fictionmania (http://www.fictionmania.com/) and nifty (http://www.nifty.org) that are related to BDSM type fantasies tell me that you aren't in the by any means alone. In fact some of the leading 'heterosexual' crossdressers clubs have more than their share of bisexuals.

Personally I am Bisexual all the time, en femme or en homme, but it varies - there is no one way to be transgendered.


Hi TorontoGuy2007,


Have you ever thought of seeing a gender therapist - it might help.

The DSM IV states that there are two criteria for a diagnosis of gender dysphoria: "There must be evidence of a strong and persistent cross-gender identification, which is the desire to be, or the insistence that one is of the other sex (Criteria A). This cross-gender identification must not merely be a desire for any perceived cultural advantages of being the other sex.There must also be evidence of persistent discomfort about one’s assigned sex or a sense of inappropriateness in the gender role of that sex (Criteria B). "

Again I know of several TG women who have or had a discomfort surrounding the idea of sex prior to transistion.

Anyway if you need more information, or support please PM me :)


Take care,

Marie



PS: There is nothing wrong with crossdressing entirely for sexual reasons - in fact this has more to do with sexual fetishes than a gender identity.

M

[izzfan]

Thanks for the replies so far, some very interesting ideas. I especially like Long Dong Duck's idea of it showing that I'm a 'true' bisexual/ bisexuality as a personality [that'll show people who try to 'convince' me that I'm gay on account of my previous sexual partners (all male so far)] and the fact that the gender balance can be uneven rather than 50:50 [I mean it is relatively rare that I'm in a 'feminine' mood/state of mind but it does happen].Thanks
TorontoGuy2007, thanks for your reply. I can identify with you to a certain extent, although I've never actually had a relationship with a woman yet [long story...] I have seen several of my straight friends suffer relationship breakdowns etc... and maybe that has kind of put me off str8 relationships slightly (still find some women attractive though and I'm not totally ruling anything out in future). I find the idea of vaginal sex to be a little disturbing too for various reasons such as the paranoid fear of getting someone pregnant, also I don't find the vagina the most attractive part of the body [althoguh it can be slightly erotic in certain situations/ if it isn;t explicitly seen etc...] Nevertheless, I am curious about vaginal sex.
Marie Delta - thanks for the advice and the links, I have seen fictionmania before and it is a pretty interesting site. As for crossdressing for sexual reasons: my CDing is often for these reasons but not always [one of the reasons why I sometimes find it hard to feel feminine when CDing is because of the sexual side that often arises]. Having said that, I do tend to feel more 'feminine' when in drab [not CDing] sometimes so clothes don't always affect it. I mean, the last time that I felt really feminine was after I watched a film called 'Elvira; mistresss of the dark' [a really cool horror/comedy] and I remeber thinking "Damn it, I want to BE Elvira - she is so amazing", this wasn't particularly sexual. But as for fetishes, yeah I probably have a few of those but who doesn't?
As for 'a deep desire to be female', I would say that it is rarely that intense but there are some rare occasions where I do look in the mirror and go 'damn, I'm a boy' but this doesn't happen very often and when I'm in 'masculine mode' (most of the time) I tend to try and take pride in being male [despite the fact that I'm aware of my feminine side's existence and this can lead to self-loathing of the mildly depressing variety] and over-emphasise my masculinity (usually through critical comments about anything even vaguely female etc...). I am usually a lot more aggressive in 'masculine' mode (eg: more likely to start talking in thunderous political rhetoric, wanting to fight my enemies etc...). But the fact is that I cannot see myself as being entirely masculine or entirely feminine, hence why I described myself as only mildly transgendered in the original post.
Thanks to Someotherguy and LoveLion for your advice, perhaps when I understand myself better/see myself in a better light then I'll be able to find some sort of androgynous middle ground. But at the moment I do seem to notice when I go from one gender perpective to the other - the most excessive 'masculine' times are probably trying to compensate/suppress the more feminine moments.

Thanks

Izzfan :flag3:

[TorontoGuy2007]

hi izzy

yes, seeing so many others go thru failed straight relationships can certainly make me reluctant and hesitant, but i think gay and bi relationships are also vulnurable to the same issues and problems.

don't get me wrong. i love vaginas.. can't think of anything i have ever done in my life that i loved more than when i performed oral sex on the few women i was in a relationship with.. most who know me well would say that masturbating would be my #1 thing to do, but there's something even more special about making your loved one feel pleasure by using your mouth and tongue!

but, back to your original post, i think it's fortunate that you go thru both feminine and masculin moods.. wish i could feel masculin sometimes!

[DiamondDog]

I'm the same way izzfan.

I generally feel/look/act more masculine but I know I have some feminine traits too.

I'm not into cross dressing or anything like that; but it's more of a personality thing.

[happyjoe68]

Sometimes you want a man,

Sometimes you want a woman,

Sometimes you want both,

Sometimes you want "neither ... nor",

But just yourself ...