Reinforcing the Stereotype

[jenny2006]

If someone completely new to bisexual.com were to stumble across it right now, I wonder what they'd think. The first time I came across it, to be honest, it terrified me. It wasn't until I read some of the articles (which are all very good) and a few more enlightened conversations began to creep in that I got up the courage to create an account.

There are posts about sex, posts about having multiple partners, open relationships, more sex, and occasionally you get days when every single topic is about sex, sex and a bit more sex just for good measure.

I can't help thinking that sometimes people on here just reinforce the stereotype that all bisexuals are obessesed with sex, promiscuous and can't do monogamous relationships.

A lot of people seem to equate being bisexual with being polygamous without making any distinction, (take a look at 'what does acceptance mean?' and you'll see what I'm getting at-the two examples given are to do with being polygamous, not necessarily bisexual) which is one thing that baffles me.

Personally I think the same relationship rules apply whether you're straight, gay or bi and I don't understand why anyone would feel the need to have two partners, but I won't go into my feelings about that because I'm sure a lot of people would disagree.

It just kind of annoys me, because I think if the bisexual community wants to be accepted, then it can't go trying to correct people on all the myths out there and then act, or at least talk like you act just as a lot of the rest of the world already thinks we all do.

Or maybe it's just me?

[softfruit]

No, it's not just you. I used to hang out here a lot in the early days, but am more interested in using spaces online for activist work and changing the relative invisibility of bisexuality rather than hooking up with people. So my first port of call for bi fora now is over on bi.org even though it's a lot lower traffic, and mostly I stick to the email lists.

That said, while the forums are quite in-your-face there is a lot of other stuff on here that Drew and the team have put together, links to resources around the globe, articles and so forth. Provided people aren't put off so much by seeing the forum people talking about sex that they leave the site, there's plenty else to read.

And depending where in the world you are, there's a mountain of sex-negative bile out there, so there's a role these fora can play in providing the opposite.

[bi_scott]

I agree. I am new here and I am trying to figure out my bisexuality and what this is, what it means to me, I came here to learn. However, on the other hand I wonder how many people this site has become an outlet for. Perhaps people are bi but are not 'out'. Perhaps they are 'out' but they have no other means of discussing such conversation with other bisexuals, perhaps they dont know any others... just at thought.. and I have no idea why I have put '' around out.. sorry!

http://fluidsexuality.wordpress.com

[Daniel1395]

there is a lot of other stuff on here that Drew and the team have put together, links to resources around the globe, articles and so forth.

Thats exactly what convinced me to join this site. The titles of the articles caught my eye before any of the threads did.

[LoveLion]

On one hand it is a Bisexual website and a large part of that is discussing the sexual aspects of exploring bisexuality. Another reason is alot of people are bisexual in the means that they are sexually attracted to the same sex, but thats it, there is nothing romantic about the same sex. For these people this really would be a sexual site because thats as far as their bisexuality stretches, which is totally cool.

Thats said, I do get kinda annoyed with some of the more "pointless" sexual topics, Like people saying "I love to eat cock and have guys cum in my mouth!!!"
I dont mind sexual topics as long as there is some discussion to be had, like someone discussing their feelings about threesomes, or wondering about a new form of sex.

I think we could do without alot of the meaningless sexual topics. I just tend to ignore them and rarely post on them.

[tommyswing]

I think your making the demand that everyone be like you. Some bisexual people do need both sexes. If you find that hard to comprehend that’s understandable, but it doesn't mean it's wrong. There is a reason for stereotypes there are women and men that cannot be completely monogamous, without a great deal of inner conflict.

As far as all the talk on sex, I would think if someone is just opening up to that part of themselves sex would be very important. I believe that a lot of the posts on sex are due to people being able to discuss a part of them they have had to hide for a very long time, and it is liberating to discuss what they really feel. I also don't buy into it's the promiscuous behavior as the reason that people hold bisexuals in distain. I believe it’s because people don't understand how anyone could be attracted to both genders. Personality I don’t care what a bunch of judgmental tightasses might think of me. One last thing l I find there is a big difference between bi men and women. I find bi men in general to be much more sex oriented than women, and yes there are a number of exceptions to this rule, but the truth is men are just more promiscuous than women, anthropology of course explains this

[intuit2]

Haven't we heard that one before....wasn't that what guys were saying back in the seventies about playboy... "i read it for the articles"....LOL

I have to agree...while it doesn't really bother me to see all the sexual content on here (and sometimes even like it)...i always wonder (and really know) how my straight spouse who has not been to the site will see it. While the topic of, say, "eating cum" might be a valid topic to discuss...there is some need for discretion. I know that the subject of the structure of the site, e.g., forum headings and subheadings, pictures, etc. has been discussed in the past. It might not be such a bad idea to rethink some of these ideas so that individuals who are, let's say, more squeamish don't have to deal with topics that they might see as "over the top."

[citystyleguy]

well, i had planned not to respond to another thread, as it is getting late, and i still have many other things to do, but i could not leave this one alone!

what makes someone think that the committed bisexuals here are only talking about sex?! read before thee judges! there is not a single place, site, chat, that when discussing sexual topics (that is what this site is devoted to, otherwise why call it bisexual.com????) you will not be invaded by those lurid images as provided by some limited individuals, i.e. "...want me to lick your pussy...", or photos of nothing but a roll of fat folding over some pathtic penis!!! yuck! yuck!

if it is the limitations of those who seek only sexual relations, in the most lurid fashions available, that is upsetting, then do not read them! i dont, and it is very easy to pick out those that are focused as such. the rest are very focused and informative on a wide variety of topics, and of course those are centered on bisexuality. again why wouldnt it be so; if it is cooking, or gardening, or knitting, whatever, that interests you, there are numerous sites for focusing on those subjects; these endeavours are not limited to ones sexuality, obviously!

also, i wouldnt mix up polyamorous with swinging, two mightly different practices! how could limiting oneself in a union, to a single person, provide the depth of emotion, intimacy, etc. that a true bisexual seeks. a woman can never give me what i seek from a man, and vice-versus; and that which i seek is far more than a mere sexual act.

when i was with my wife, sex was as much a part of our lives as any other one thing, but was not limited to it, any more than anything else. ours was richer for all our shared interests as it was from our own individual interests. but the one thing she could never give me was what i wanted with, shared, and could give to another man.

i find it rather odd that one comes to this site and then is troubled by its focus on sexuality; were you expecting articles on how bisexuals raise honey bees?! when i go to another site wherein we discuss succulents and cacti, i would never have the expectation to have a thread on what it is i like in a man?! :soapbox:

[ambi53mm]

It can be frustrating at times but like any community in the real world it's what we make it. Some of the threads are redundant with many of the topics more for opinion than discussion it seems. There are those that are interesting that are helpful to me personally and I try to give back a quality response as opinionated as they may seem, to those that I feel are sincere and ignore those either not worth the energy or that I've reponded to previously. It's a mixed bag because we are a mixed bag.
Recently the editor of Bisexual.com posted a thread asking for feedback on the Featured Articles. It recieved a total of three responses. I find it sad that with many of the more active posters on here and many of those who I hold a very high opinion and respect for, that we couldn't be of more help in
giving him the type of input that would be reflective of what I know we're capable of as a community. I'm not a community activist offline but I can't help but feel that a place that has given so much freely in helping me to understand my bisexual nature, that I not give something back in return.
There is a constant influx of new people and also people like yourself that deserve a chance to be heard. Some of the more sex orientated topics will reoccur because it is a sex oriented site but if you search back through the forums you'll see that it's much more than that. I think one of the greatest compliments I've received by comming here is to have something I posted here, posted word for word on another bisexual site. If someone can bennefit from something I've posted then I feel I've given back a little of what's been given to me. I can live with that,

Ambi :)

[Avocado]

It's a complex matter. On the one hand, if people want to have multiple partners or whatever then good for them. I was in love with my fiancee before we got together and there's the argument that if you love someone you don't want to rock the boat, even if it's what you both want. But if I met someone and got together with them, why not involve other people. So I wouldn't say multiple partners on its own is bad. What I would say, is that it's no more unreasonable to not be willing to be with someone because they can't or won't be monoganous with you. Also, one great thing about being bisexual for me is the notion that there are no gender specific rules. Once someone says it's ok to demand the right to see other people because of their gender, that kind of goes out the window.

[jenny2006]

I think your making the demand that everyone be like you. Some bisexual people do need both sexes. If you find that hard to comprehend that’s understandable, but it doesn't mean it's wrong.

As far as all the talk on sex, I would think if someone is just opening up to that part of themselves sex would be very important. I believe that a lot of the posts on sex are due to people being able to discuss a part of them they have had to hide for a very long time, and it is liberating to discuss what they really feel.


Hey, I'm not saying that. Whatever floats your boat. It's just that the amount of discussion about that sort of thing on here would give the impression to an outsider that that's what all bisexuals are like. I know there are people that do need both sexes, but equally there are plenty of people that don't. And as for people talking about sex, I'm all for openly discussing sex, but sometimes I think all the discussions about 'cock or pussy' or 'top or bottom' are a bit infantile when they're being posted all the time, every single day. Occasionally, yeah, because it's not like it's a forum for really heavy serious debates or anything, but all the time...you just get a bit fed up sometimes. And yeah, it's cool when you find somewhere you can talk to other like minded people about yourself but surely there are more important things to talk about than that?

I don't know why everyone else joined bisexual.com, but personally I joined to meet people that weren't going to ask stupid questions like 'in what way are you bisexual?' and that understand the sort of feelings you go through and the problems you can face being bi. (And whoever said it took reading the articles for them to join-me too! I think the articles are brilliant. Every single one seems to sum up everything I feel but can't really explain (like the one on bisexual youth identity and coming out with the 'b' word))

I live in a small town in a country where I don't speak much of the language, so it's not like I meet any other bi people. My brother always says it's like I'm 'the only bisexual in the village' (I guess you'd have to know Little Britian-uk comedy sketch show-to understand that one!) and coming on here reminds me I'm not. And although I think talking about sex is all well and good, when I do come on here I'd rather not be bombarded with childish polls about who prefers what in bed.

[izzfan]

Hmmm..... There may be quite a few sex-related threads on here occasionally but then again sex is a part of human life and you cannot bury your head in the sand and ignore it. A large part of bisexuality is to do with sex, a large part of heterosexuality is to do with sex, a large part of homosexuality is to do with sex, a large part of any sexuality is to do with sex. I mean that is what defines it as a 'sexuality'...eg: who you are sexually attracted to.
Then there is the whole anonymity of the forum, people can discuss their sex lives with other people rather than having to stay firmly in the closet and not have any discussion of your sex life (which can lead to paranoia, self-loathing and maybe even the lack of a sex life...being in the closet is an awful experience...but you never know how bad it was until you finally manage to come out and look back on it). There are plenty of threads that have nothing to do with sex and there are plenty of sex related threads that hold no interest for me whatsoever [ I mean the whole 'creampie' discussions that went on in here a while ago started to bore me a bit]

Anyway, this is just my :2cents:

Izzfan :flag2:

[LoveLion]

Iv read what every one wrote here and It has actually changed my mind on the topic (which is rare for me because im usually stubborn when it comes to where I stand, and even more rare for me to admit that my views have been changed, lol)

I though alot about it and in a liberal site like this I think it is totally cool to post any sex related topics. Most people's view on sex are have been influenced or "tainted" if you will by the prude nature or society. At a site like this we are all not part of the main stream society and should be able to open up our views on sex as much as we have on other issues that have been deemed taboo or inappropriate by main stream society (same-sex and bi-sexual relationships being the big and most obvious one). Sex is as much a part of human nature as love or friendship or sadness or loneliness or any of the other topics discussed in the posts that are deemed completely relevant and acceptable with no grounds for questions (ie a topic about feeling isolated while going through the realization of bisexuality, etc) .

I believe that the whole world should see sex for what it is, a natural part of what makes us human. It shouldn't be this huge social taboo. Unfortunately that is not about to happen, but at least we can have that in a liberal environment like this site.

[tommyswing]

I was thinking if someone doesn't care for the topics that are out there why not start your own. I think treads on any site tend to mimic each other. Anyone concerned with the quality of the treads start your own and I bet others will follow

[mannysg]

I enjoy the sex related discussions here. Where else can I talk about whether or not I eat cum, or whether I prefer to be top or bottom? Where else can I read about how to make a MMF 3some work so that all enjoy it and nobody gets hurt? I find that the discussions here are open, honest and quite intriguing.

Yes, I also like the "non-sexual" topics. But I can discuss those anywhere.

[Herbwoman39]

I've got to agree with LoveLion, Tommy and Manny. Where ELSE can we go to talk about the actual sex part of being bisexual? There has to be an outlet somewhere otherwise it's almost like being back in the closet if there's no outlet for these questions.

Sure, some of the verbage can be somewhat colorful, but if there are posts that make you feel uneasy you have to remember that it's your issues that make you feel uneasy, not the person doing the posting (This is a general *you*, btw and not directed at any one person). You can always choose not to read them and as Tommy said, if you're looking for a discussion on a specific topic, start your own thread. People will respond.

Personally I'm always up for a good intellectual debate :bigrin:

[FerociousFeline]

:cool:
Hi yall, just wanted to touch base on this topic, forgive me if I am restating anything I missed anyone else said, (lot of road miles today and I may have missed it)

Having said that: I really don't see what the fuss is about. Yes I agree it's kind of amazing to see the topics about the particulars of what some people want to share opinions over, but I do think this is the right venue for that to occur. Now, I think we would be better suited to make a SPECIFIC place for all of that and keep it off the front page purrhaps....but that's just my opinion. As for why it happens? I don't know about the rest of you, but I find that as I grow to accept this side of me enough to be able to really interact with others about it, I find myself growing. I think a lot of newbies get here and freak out that they can finally FINALLY TALK.....about it. Almost cathardic <sp?> as they vent pent up desires. I think over time, as people grow and become more accustomed to their ability to discuss other issues in a bi forum, that the need to count swallowers etc diminishes. I guess that's just a really wordy way of saying, "no matter how old they are, they are baby bisexuals and leave them alone! They're learning about their world." But I think it might do the community a service to restrict that type of posting whether it be photo's or topics, to at least a specific area on the site. :bigrin: