Date Advice Please :-) Should I or not??

[deletetacount123]

I go on a site called Deafs.com which is a dating site for deaf people :-) I posted my ad but course got creepy men responses lol
So I took down my profile then a week later put it back up for some reason and got my first response from a woman in Seattle, USA

She said she saw my profile and we started talking a little through email and she said she fell for me fast! I told her I wasn't into one night stands, not my thing and she said "Im not into that either.... I just want lifetime relationship!"
Our chat goes on and shes telling me how much she likes me and how much she wants to kiss me and hold me!!!
Im wondering if shes rushing it or not.She seems sexually active. She said she wasn't going to sleep around if shes in love with someone.

While she does seem to come on strong, it is something a lot of deaf people do if they never learned to speak or can't hear with hearing aids.... they don't realize they come on strong. So you kinda have to let it slide, but I do think she talked about sex a bit to much lol (mostly kissing and touching tho.)

I do think she just wants to be loved cause her father did some really bad things to her (you know, the no no thiings) and she did admitted she didn't like men cause of what her father did.
She said shes married to a guy in his 60s but theres no love or anything, he lets her do whatever she pleases, supports her (pays for everything, supposely hes wealthy lol) and that she married him to get away from her father. She's 24.

She's deaf but can't speak, sign langauge only and said she understands Im on the rusty side with sign langauage since I speak and don't have anyone to sign to anyway and suggested the good paper and pen back-up. (writing what your saying if the other didn't understand you)

I told her she was going a bit to fast for me and she said sorry and we could meet whenever Im comfortable, but that shes "very in love with me and wants to be with me for life" lol
She never even met me in person, she just knows me though the profile, email and MSN messenger.

She did give me two good signs tho.
She doesn't care if my parents want to meet her (gotta love overprotective parents hehe). She also said she would come to me since my parents would never let me go somewhere to meet someone UNLESS I already met them before.

We have the same interests, our birthdays are the same month too.

So what do you guys think?? Should I go ahead and meet her and see what happens?? I did do what a couple people suggested, stopped looking and she came to me.
She knows Ive never been with a woman yet and seemed very turned on by that and the fact she gets to teach me things lol
She doesn't care what the outside looks like, she loves who I am not what I look like :-)

I feel good vibes and I am getting to know her a bit more oline first before we meet in person. I did talk to a couple of people in the bisexuals forums what they thought, those told me to meet her in a public place and just see where it goes from there. Good idea? :-)

Thanks in advance :-)
Tasha
*sits and drinks her tea as she waits for replies*

[Driver 8]

You are probably the best judge about whether this woman's talk about sex (and love!) is more typical of someone who's deaf ... for me it would be too much too soon.

What makes me more suspicious is this:



I do think she just wants to be loved cause her father did some really bad things to her (you know, the no no thiings) and she did admitted she didn't like men cause of what her father did.
She said shes married to a guy in his 60s but theres no love or anything, he lets her do whatever she pleases, supports her (pays for everything, supposely hes wealthy lol) and that she married him to get away from her father. She's 24.
I don't trust people who instantly tell you about all the drama in their lives ... my experience is that they often are looking for friends who will spend all their time helping them with crises. And they're always in some kind of crisis. There are exceptions of course.

If you like here, though, by all means go on talking to her. And I also agree with people who suggest meeting in a public place - maybe for coffee? when you're ready to meet in person. Good luck!

[deletetacount123]

I can tell she doesn't like talking about what her dad did.... I asked her when I wanted to know why she married someone if she didn't love him.
Whenever we spoke of her dad, you could tell she wanted to change the subject so maybe its something she'll rather not speak about but will be honest if asked about her family?

And I agree her comments about sex IS too soon but some deaf people don't think about the "to strong or to soon to talk about that" thing.
While Im very well educated lol I do sometimes slip and come off as to strong or to soon about somethings but I try not to do that and love it if someone tells me I came to strong :-)

I wonder if shes just saying that online?? I know I and everyone else from time to time say stuff but you wouldn't be so open about it in person. (You think Im very social online lol but Im VERY shy and quiet in real life.)

Tasha

[anne27]

I don't think meeting her in a public place would hurt. Best case scenario, you've met someone who's going to be in your life a long time. Worse case, you've wasted an afternoon or evening.
Get to meet her in real life. Things don't always transfer from online, even when both people have the best intentions and have been honest and upfront with each other.

I'd say good for it.

Best of luck! Keep us updated.

[curiousguy05]

Hi friend! I seems that you are really interested in her. But I think is wise to take it slowly. It is a good idea for her to meet your family first and at the same time know what her real intentions are. If ever you try to meet her personally, take a friend along with you. Just be safe.

[littlerayofsunshine]

If you feel comfortable with meeting her and want to do it. Then def do it in a public place. And always let someone else know where you are. But def take your time with her, if she likes/loves you today, she will tomorrow or anytime after that. Wishing you the best hun.

[taz67156]

Hi Tasha,
With what your asking advice about all I can really say is your mainly the one that needs to decide on what to do and if you meet up with her then like everyone else said have her meet at a public place so you both can feel safe around each other. if you think she is moving to fast on the sex subject then try and get her to slow down some with it but still with anything just don't rush yourself, cause you are to nice for anyone to hurt you:)

taz67156

[deletetacount123]

Hi everyone,

Ya, I think the best thing is just to meet her in person and see what shes like in real life. I'll like to meet her :-)

Any tips? lol I was just thinking of talking as friends meeting the first time, getting to know each other... then let whatever happen from there (she knows if something more happens, the sex part will have to wait till Im ready, but she said she still wants to kiss me lol)

I want to know is, as anyone met someone online who fell in love with your profile the moment they saw you and think your perfect for them and all that??

Tasha

[DiamondDog]

just meet for coffee or something, and remember you don't have to take things as fast as she wants them (such as wanting a lifetime relationship when you two haven't even met in person).

[deletetacount123]

I agree, I have met poeple in person off the internet before and they didn't always seem the same person as they were online (even if they were honest) When she and I meet the first time, it'll be strictly friends-getting to know each other :-) Afterall, the best relationships work cause your best friends too.


just meet for coffee or something, and remember you don't have to take things as fast as she wants them (such as wanting a lifetime relationship when you two haven't even met in person).

[Jimmy2ways]

Well I had a very similar experience not too long ago. I met a T-Girl (transexual) on gaydar and she came on very strong almost instantly. It was always in the back of my mind that I wasn't the only one she was speaking to like this, as a result I held back and refused to let my feelings for her be known. Secondly as someone else pointed out people who tend to reel off all their baggage are usually after a lifelong crisis manager, which I didn't want to be. After 4 months we agreed to meet and I flew from England to Ireland to meet her. All my fears where dispelled completely, what I found was someone who had experienced some very traumatic times, abuse as a child, life on the streets and regular beatings. I think in a way she was keen to meet her Prince and the strong behaviour she displayed was an attempt to secure him.

In the end it was me who screwed it up because of my own hangups about my sexuality (you mention she is ok about not meeting parents) and the fact that I spent my time looking for a rainstorm when it was summer all along.

The very long winded point I'm trying to make is that if you do this, make it count. She has probably felt segregated for most of her life and even though her behaviour is intially strong, she is probably more receptive to emotions than you give her credit for, espcially since hers have been ignored for so long.

If you give it a go try not to let her down.

James

x

[deletetacount123]

Hi James,

Thanks for sharing your expereinces :-)

I want her to meet my parents and I don't have a choice hehe (my parents has to know everyone I date or be friends with lol) and Im happy she wants to as well cause in the past, when I talked to people and said they had to meet my parents, they backed out completely and didn't talk to me anymore.. so that kinda told me those other people were looking for "just sex" and had been lying to me.

So her being fine with meeting my parents tells me she could be for real and her strong behaviour may not even be that strong as she makes it sound.

The only thing I don't want yet is if she and I did date, I wanted my parents to view her and me as friends first, get to know her then say "oh Im dating her too." hehe My parents are fine if Im gay, they have to be, one of my brothers is gay and they accept it lol But I think it'll be easier on them if they saw it as a friendship first.. My parents do just want me to be happy thats all.
I told her that and she agrees :-)

I have some doubts but I think its just coming from not knowing her in person I do get the feeling I should meet her cause it'll be a good thing. (I wouldn't do anything if I felt uncomfortable)

Ya, gonna meet her in person, :-)
Thanks guys :-)

Tasha

[Spicy]

I would say Tasha go for it, but play safe. I do want only the best for you, therefore I would agree that when you go to meet her go along with someone or still better invite her to your house where your parents can also meet her if this is ok with you. It is difficult to pass judgement on someone unless and until you have met them. Good luck and take care.

Spicy

[deletetacount123]

I don't live at home :-) hehe but ya, I could take her to my parents house so they can meet her to..
I was thinking of brining someone but Im worried they might feel out of place?? Since the girl is deaf, doesn't speak at all and just signs....
Im deaf to but I can hear with my implant and I know some signing (I can easily pick up again if I forget lol) so whoever is with me might get bored cause no one else in my family or friends signs, well, they can a very little like "yes" and "no"...etc.

Thing is, I can't sign and speak at the same time so I have to do one thing... if I tired at the same time, I get all confused lol Cause my mind is trying to concerate on the proper signs for each word :-)

So I though I'll just meet her in a public place with lots of people around......then take her to my parents to meet. :-)

Tasha

[AnotherVoice]

Well I hope the meeting works out well for you. Honestly though, I'm reading red flags all over this post. She doesn't sound like a very rational person who's come to terms with her past. Are you prepared to take that on? I also think it's disrespectful to expect so much from someone as naive as yourself. I mean that in the sense of your past experience with women (or lack thereof). There are typical signs you should be aware of and moving too quickly in a relationship is #1 in the WARNING list. I'm not deaf but can assure you, this would apply to us all.

Best of luck and keep your guard up.

[DiamondDog]

Well I hope the meeting works out well for you. Honestly though, I'm reading red flags all over this post. She doesn't sound like a very rational person who's come to terms with her past. Are you prepared to take that on? I also think it's disrespectful to expect so much from someone as naive as yourself. I mean that in the sense of your past experience with women (or lack thereof). There are typical signs you should be aware of and moving too quickly in a relationship is #1 in the WARNING list. I'm not deaf but can assure you, this would apply to us all.

Best of luck and keep your guard up.

I was going to say that too.

I'm VERY wary of people who say that they expect you to be "The One" life partner/husband/wife after just a few chats/emails. I am ok with monogamy but; let's face it, you don't really get to know a person from chat/email as well as you do in person and besides relationships take time to develop.

Personally, I would stay away; but I have no time for game players, people with too much baggage that they unload on others (I know we all have some but I'm talking about the stuff you should see a therapist or get on meds for), and people who cause way too much DRAMA.

I am not saying that you shouldn't be friends with her but take things at YOUR terms/speed, not hers.

[deletetacount123]

Diamond & Anothervoice,

I do think shes asking a bit to much at once. I sent her an email earlier with questions....... no response yet but if she doesn't answer it then I'll be supensious. I sent her another email that didn;t have questions.

I am kinda already am supenisous cause I was going over her profile a few minutes ago and there was 2 things that seemed odd.
One, last night I asked if she liked to drink and she said no.... but her profile says shes into wine tasting and drinks socially..... hmm if you don't like to drink, wouldn't you just list "non-drinker" ?? (Im not saying anything about tasting since even non-drinkers taste wine or beer once in awhile.)
Secondly, her profile says "I am married and love my husband" but she tells me there isn't any love.

I love tabbed windows on Firefox hehe I have Gmail in another tab and saw I had email... it was from the girl and she had responsed to the second email I had sent (the one without questions) but that one didn't make much sense... *thinks*

Blah... never mind... Im not gonna meet her afterall cause Im starting to feel something fishy since her profile doesn't match what she says and pretty much avoids my more serious questions (just getting to know you kind like about her family, what she likes to read..etc)
The magic third eye says Nope.

I still want to meet the one I met in NZ tho :-) I met her off this very website :-) and shes much more mature and my kind of person :-)

Thanks for listening guys :-)
Tasha

[deletetacount123]

Update:

She did answer my other email 30 mins later (it was long) and she answered everything.
Her mom died when she was 10 and that was when her father picked her as a target.... and she gets really upset talking about it so I was right when I sensed it bothered her to talk about it but she wanted to be honest when I asked about her family.

She said profile questions can be misleading cause she meant she liked to sample Napa Valleys wines but isn't a drinker. Just likes to taste.
And didn't want to come across like she just wanted sex. She said she gets excited when meeting someone new but is on my side with the taking our time when meet in person and theres no rushing she didn't want me feeling uncomfortable and said sshe was sorry for coming strong the way she sounded cause it was not what she meant to do.

Also seemed to answer my other questions honestly too. Still a red-flag? Maybe I should meet her in person just to see ? since everyones different in person than they are online, no matter how honest you are.

This is fusterating :-) hehe
Tasha

[Herbwoman39]

Tasha;

As one who met their best friend AND current husband online, what I'm going to say comes from experience.

Take it slow. Talk LOTS. Don't let sex be the only topic of discussion. Learn everything you can about her through chats and emails. Make it a policy of yours not to just jump into a relationship because you're trying to please her or you think maybe it's something you want. Be sure before you do anything.

The first few times you meet, meet in a well-lit public place and make sure other people know where you are going to be.

Be safe and be careful.

[Driver 8]

One, last night I asked if she liked to drink and she said no.... but her profile says shes into wine tasting and drinks socially..... hmm if you don't like to drink, wouldn't you just list "non-drinker" ?? (Im not saying anything about tasting since even non-drinkers taste wine or beer once in awhile.)
Funny, I might have answered those the same way ... I drink occasionally; I'll have wine with a meal or when I'm hanging out from friends from time to time, but only once or twice a month. I wouldn't say "non-drinker" because (to me) that sounds like one of these Alcoholics Anonymous people who never touches the stuff. But at the same time, "do you like to drink?" sounds to me like "do you enjoy drinking for its own sake, as a recreational activity?" and I generally don't.

So, uh, anyway, I'd say keep your eyes open, but don't panic over little things where there's room for interpretation ;) Go at a speed that seems good to you; it's okay to slow down if that's what you want; set limits that seem right.

And, at the same time, it's worth remembering that you can't know the future today, and you can't have all the answers when you start out; you just have to take a deep breath and find out more.
:2cents: