Is sexually suppression/asexuality healthy?

[Ebonybifemme7]

I lost my virginity when I was 21, officially. Up until then, I had sexually experiences, but not full blown intercourse. I thought that most of my sexually experiences were average, nothing really special.

I think for me, especially when it comes to culture, race, environment, area, location, etc, it really effects your dating life, and eventually your marriage life, etc. I haven't had much luck in either department but I chat with people online all the time.

Right now, I'm currently single, don't have any children, and I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE AT WORK, NEIGHBORS, OR IN MY FAMILY OR EVEN SOME FRIENDS ASKING ME ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE. AT ALL. I came out about being bisexual when I was 20, and if I could take it back, I would, trust me.

A few months ago, a 6'3'' black cross dresser with blonde hair, had a conversation. I wanted to ask him how does it feel to be treated like a animal, like a freak show in public but adored and treated like a lady behind close doors. To have men who will sleep with you in private, as long as nobody knows, and to treat you like a stranger in public, like they never even meant you, or knew you. Are you okay with being used? I still have yet to have that conservation with him. I guess certain men are okay with that.

I know in my case, its quiet obvious that people look at me, for example, and don't see me as being a real woman. Somehow I'm not what a real woman should be. And its quite obvious that men are way more prized then women. Their more prized in public and even in private. More favored. In general, more liked and more respected.

I just started a new job and I'm trying not to get really personal with my coworkers. I pretty much just go to work, try to mind my own business, and I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE ASKING ME WHY I'M NOT MARRIED AND/OR WHY I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN. Its quiet obvious that I'm hated, so therefore, I dont like talking about myself.

[nomorenomore]

I can only speak for myself. I know that I am frustrated all the time. I am sort of forced asexuality. My wife lost her desire totally. She doesn't even think of sex. She acknowledges that I still have my drive and okayed for me to look at porn and even bought me toys. For the past five years, I have basically been my own lover. Hate to see if I ever get with a real person again, I would probably be like all fumbly like a virgin. As to being bi, I have tried to broach the subject with my wife and am met each time with dead silence. Eventually the subject is changed. There is no discussion. Only one other person knows. I don't know why I came out to her, but I knew I could trust her. So for me, the answer to your question is no, it is not healthy. The thing for me is can I live with the guilt if I were to step out. I was raised Catholic and even though I walked away from the church decades ago, those teachings of guilt are ingrained. So since I can't discuss it with my wife, the only option is to do it on the side, but then I have to live with the guilt. So either way, it is not healthy.

As to your coworkers, you can get personal and not share your sexual position. I simply state that I don't discuss personal stuff like that. Possibly the reason you perceive being hated is because of that non-interaction. If you believe you are hated you will draw that response. You have to like yourself and to hell with what others think. Once you start liking yourself, then others might just like you. Why do you think that people look at you and don't see a real woman? What is a real woman?
I spent five years in counseling after a major breakdown almost two decades ago. We took the time to break me down. My psych would ask me what I liked, and I would respond well that this one says I should, or that one said I should, and she would stop me and tell me that she doesn't care what THEY think, she wanted to know what I thought. That would set me back everytime, because up until then, my life had been shaped by what others thought of me or wanted for me to be. Hell, I almost became a priest because everyone saw me as a spiritual person and hey, Irish, Catholic = Priest. In the end, we broke down the image of me built on other's wants and beliefs for me and started building who I was. It was a lot of work, but in the end, I have accepted who I am and what I like and dislike. Of course, that is still a work in progress as I am not OUT. Then again, why come out if I can't do anything about it anyway.
I guess the point is that you have to believe in yourself. You can share parts of your life with coworkers and friends and still keep your sex life private.

[pole_smoker]

No it's not healthy. Maybe you should date some men, or women, or both and have sex with them?

[Realist]

Nomore, that's one of the most intelligent replied I've seen here for some time!

Ebony, I wish I knew you in person, because from your writing I've got the impression that you're a very negative person. I hope I'm wrong, though. Your persona appears to be very dark and it must be because you've had some traumatic personal experiences.

I think you've been hurt badly, misunderstood, and maybe mistreated, too. Those are certainly things which may have caused you to develop your standoffish attitude.

For the exact reason you wish you'd never come out to your family, is why I never did! I have a good idea of how they reacted! There are those who just do not need to know!

You obviously have a lot on your mind and seem to have no one you can be yourself with. If you don't have at least one close, discreet, friend and confidant, I think you might do well to seek psychological help.

I hope I'm wrong, but I feel your negative attitude is causing you to get negative attention...which, in turn, causes you to feel so reactive to others. Nomore, is an example that there are those who can help you develop a more viable attitude about life and relationships.

I agree with Nomore, that if you don't want to share intimate details of your life, you can simply say, "These are very personal and private things and which I don't discuss with others."

Most people are naturally nosy and find our lives interesting, but I certainly have no interest in sharing my own intimate details with just anyone. We all have out own comfort zones, regarding what we will and will not reveal!

Thankfully, I have a few friends, who I can run my thoughts and interest by, and they will respond in polite and thoughtful ways.

To those, who I don't care to share personal history, attitudes, or interests, with......I will remain a closed book.

No attitude, no anger, just calmly respond..."I'm sorry, but those are things I don't discuss with others."

[Ebonybifemme7]

No it's not healthy. Maybe you should date some men, or women, or both and have sex with them?

Its not that simple. This is why I'm going out on a public forum and speaking more on sexuality, cultural/ethnic realism, stereotypes, etc.

This is why I'm also working on doing more vlogging and blogging on gender privilege, sexism, etc. How males are more 'prized' then women, etc. Like for example, how most men hate women but how to takes the right situation for their hatred for women to come out. How many gay men dont even like women, like I said, all it takes is for the right situation for their hatred to come out. It all comes down to male privilege. Men are so privileged that they even sleep with eachother. This is why marriage is not something that is important to me, I dont have to be married; marriage is overrated anyways, at least for me it is.

Male privilege is alive and well on this website. Men feel more sexual entitlement then women. The cock and cum worship is crazy.