Bisexual Married Men Bashing

[sdf123]

Lately, Ive seen alot of posts that have gone above and beyond to bash married bisexual men. Id just like to say that the gift in our being bisexual is the variety -- we have choices, we have options, we have POSSIBILITIES that others do not understand. I am not going to make someone feel horrible for "cheating" on their wives--we dont know the nature of their relationship, nor do we know what their situation is. Maybe they are indeed in the closet, maybe they are selfish, maybe their wives know, maybe their wives dont care, maybe no one in the relationship gives a damn anymore. Who are we to rip apart someone else's life? I understand that we all have an opinion. But I think it is unfair to call out all bisexual married men and label them as cowards. Some of us are polyamorous; some of us are monogamous, some of us are so many things. We don't fit into the common mold and if you are bisexual and don't know that critical factor by now....you're the one that the rest of us should be feeling sorry for and NOT the other way around. There's more than two choices and I think as a true bisexual, that point alone should transcend every part of your lives. No one has to be one of anything. I support and admire many of our married bisexual men. That is the richness of who we are..the layers and juxtapositions and contradictions.

[Lunatic1966]

Could not have put it better myself.....

[Boats]

Hear, Hear. Well said

[BonesPA]

Great Post. Absolutely agree! Thanks!

[Dukota]

Agreed.

[mtnguy]

Great points and very well said!

[WebothBbi]

You're spot on and the name calling is uncalled for. Each of us is unique, that's what makes life so rich: the diversity.

[RustyPete]

I'm in the amen pew with you. I already have a conscience and I don't need another one!

[Polar Bear]

As a bi married man, I have seen the attacks against us. I have also seen bi married men use bisexuality as a justification to cheat on their spouses. I'm sure they have a perfectly good reason. Frankly I don't judge them, but on the same token I will not participate in those "hook ups" or NSA sex meet ups simply because I don't respect their choices. Thats not a judgement, that's self preservation. Domestic disturbances are the leading cause of murder and assaults. My wife and I self disclosed all of our skeletons prior to being married. We also practice open and honest communications. We also happen to be poly so in our situation it is vitally important to communicate before acting upon.

[fredtyg]

Maybe I'm not here enough anymore but I don't recall seeing much of that. About the only thing along that line that rubs me the wrong way is comments- usually from one side of a couple or another- ragging on someone for "cheating", but even those comments aren't very strong or widespread. Those comments rub me the wrong way mostly because that particular couple seems to have a decent situation. Puts me off a bit when someone who has theirs rags on someone who doesn't.

[JaredT77]

I never bashed bisexual married men but the men that were never honest with their wife with their sexuality preferences then cheat behind their wife's back. I'm done with this topic and don't care about the topic anymore. Keywords are unfaithful, dishonest, and cheating.

[tenni]

The fact that bisexual women are less discriminated against than bisexual men is a problem for bisexual men. The fact that a man is bisexual and married can be a problem. In my opinion it is logical to include a basic bisexual morality where having more than one partner is acceptable. The word Polyamory is a negatively loaded word in my society. Yesterday, the word was used about a religious sect that practices multi partners (one man and many women) and some of the partners are basically children is a problem. It seems very difficult for my society to be accepting not only of bisexuality but that it is appropriate to have more than one partner whether the partner is a closed loop, friend with benefit or fuck bud etc.

Some people are too quick to judge like the OP states. Some people tend to lump bisexual men with all kinds of negative adornments. I agree that more tolerance is helpful on a bisexual site.

[Ja&Ve]

Since it got moved out here, I will paste my response from the blog:

for the record there are lots of awesome bi hubby's on this board. Mine is one of them. ;)




We're not bashing married bisexual men. It's the cheaters that are being bashed. No one has a problem with who you are. It's how a lot of them act that creates the problem and the bad perception.and to be fair, I hate cheaters of ANY persuasion.

[JaredT77]

Maybe we should have titled it "Cheaters bashing"

[2bi2Bboring]

When I first found this site I was delighted, a community of bisexual people who are supportive of each other and function as an actual community. As I got more familiar with it, I began to see the flaws but those flaws exist most anywhere where sex is the main topic. Bisexual married men are not immune to human failure any more than any other demographic group. Some of us are beautiful people, some are unscrupulous cads. On the whole, I have found that we are no more or less susceptible to flaws than the rest of society. I have found a lot of really wonderful people here, a few exceptional examples. I have found many I wouldn't give a plugged nickel to talk to again, most of them begin their conversations in chat with the line, "a/s/l?" These folks tend to be hit and run speed wankers looking for a quick j/o session before they're off to bed. Which has it's merits, but not my own cup of Earl Gray.

That being said, the vast majority of us are here to identify with each other, we want a place to belong. Our motives are different because our lives and circumstances are different. I'm tired of the judgement being passed around like a collection plate in church, if I wanted judgement, I'd go to church instead of coming here. It is an unfortunate and inconvenient truth that SOME here are unfaithful in their relationships. Others want to talk out of one side of their mouths with judgement for others and then openly admit they have dipped their wick in the same pool. Some have been less than judicious about their criticism of others and feel justified in doing so. The truth is, we are subject to enough judgement by the outside world. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting someone willing to stand on their soapbox and beat us on the head with our sexuality. I'm over it, and I didn't come here in the first place to hear what I can hear on a plethora of swinger sites or 50 other sources of bi-bashing. I'm tired of trying to be the voice of reason, I'm tired of this subject as a whole. It seems matter how I try to moderate the vitriol, the shit storm keeps flying around me. So....

Sdf123, I agree with you, there are good guys and good gals here. That's all I have to say about that! I'm over it!

[jem_is_bi]

I am not into married men bashing or cheater bashing at all. The only thing that marital status means to me that that they will likely be available for play at 5:30 AM until 7:05 AM on Sundays and between 10:13 and 10:55 AM on Tuesdays every 2 weeks in July and August and they cannot host and I need to live nearby. I am sure that after a while restrictions such as those go away for those that actual get their dreams fulfilled and that makes me happy for them not sad or judgmental of them.

[Visexual]

OK, yes, I’m married and I have sex with other men.

That said, I don’t cheat on my wife!

We’ve been married for 42 years now and have had a great sex life for most of those years. For the past couple of years she has just not wanted intercourse of any kind. We still hug, kiss, and sometimes will do some fondling but that’s all and she’s very content with only that.

We have both had sex with other partners in the past through some swinging activities so, having sex with other isn’t something either of us would condemn the other for doing.

She knows of my bisexual interests and has said she’s fine with it. She even suggested, numerous times, that I go see a bisexual friend that we met through cybering with other couples 15 years ago.

OK, all that explained, I only have sex with men that she knows I’m friends with. Now, sure, I become acquainted through sites like this but before any sex at all I know the guy, my wife knows I know the guy, and my wife has even met the guy at least once. So, it’s not like I’m sneaking out without her knowledge.

I’d love to be able to experience sex with a woman again but I know she’d hit the roof if she found out. If she found out that I’d had sex with my current bud, she’d probably either say she thought so or she’d say she was surprised but, either way, she’d be cool with it.

So, no, I don’t feel like I’m cheating on her at all. My friend and I help each other enjoy sexual release and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. We enjoy spending an afternoon drinking beer and discussing politics or religion and we also spend other times sucking each other’s cock! It’s all about sharing enjoyable times with a buddy!

Should I tell her I’m having sex with him? I could but I just wouldn’t be comfortable with it. It’s probably the main reason I haven’t driven up to my Internet friend’s town. Because she’d know I’d had sex while I was gone. It’s just something that neither of us would want to discuss.

[tenni]

We're not bashing married bisexual men. It's the cheaters that are being bashed. No one has a problem with who you are. It's how a lot of them act that creates the problem and the bad perception.and to be fair, I hate cheaters of ANY persuasion.

This type of judgemental attitude is something that I find difficult to understand????

First, it is sexist as there are many cheating wives and women in the world. Some of these cheating women are bisexual while others are gay or heterosexual. If you do not like how a person acts then do not interact with them. This works regardless of gender and lifestyle. The addition of the words "any persuasion" coats your negativity with sugar. To spend energy stereotypically and negatively judging others is a waste of your life energy. Hate is an emotion that you should try to reduce expending. You do not know the individual and you are not involved sexually or socially stfu and move on with your own life. This type of blanket hatred was used and still is used by some people to condemn others due to race, religion, sexuality, disability, etc. Hatred and bigotry should have no place on a bisexual site. Tolerance, genuine empathy and kindness should be encouraged.

[JaredT77]

Yes you are right and I have been cheated on while on deployment. She cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend. You are also right that we do not know the individuals that do cheat. This is a topic that is like a nasty scab. It will never heal up because people are always going to pick at it. I don't like cheating spouses but it's not my problem. I don't recommend cheating because eventually you could be caught by the spouse and it won't be pretty. It's none of my business what people do on here.

[elian]

You don't quite get it do you? It's not the bisexuality I have a problem with - it's the dishonesty. Trust is a huge part of a relationship for me, if I can't trust you then we might as well not even be in a relationship. I don't have any problem with third party relationships where all parties know and consent to what is happening. That is the way you avoid disease and potential hurt feelings. If you ask most wives (cause I see it echoed on here) it wasn't really the sex that bothered them, it was the fact that their husband hid himself from her.

Another person was describing a divorce her daughter was going through and the fact that the daughter and her husband were not sleeping together, someone suggested he was gay and my response was - even if you are gay you still don't treat the people you love the way this guy was acting all through the divorce - basically taking it out on his little girl and making it really hard for his wife to raise her (the guy is always travelling for business so whether he wants to be there on not, he can't.) Every little vindictive childish action he takes makes it worse and worse.

That's not to say that I don't have sympathy for men who are struggling because their wife is not interested, or they have a family to raise and want to be there to support their family - or they found out much later in life that they really are attracted to men but come on guys - being bisexual is not a free pass. I guess people do it, but I could not imagine hiding such an integral part of myself from the person I love most in the world, the person I'm supposed to be able to trust with my life, for very long.

If you're BOTH cheating then fine, but at least be honest about it - and now I suppose you can tell me all to go to hell..I do have a lot to learn and I know that in the real world relationships are messy.

[Ja&Ve]

You don't quite get it do you? It's not the bisexuality I have a problem with - it's the dishonesty. Trust is a huge part of a relationship for me, if I can't trust you then we might as well not even be in a relationship. I don't have any problem with third party relationships where all parties know and consent to what is happening. That is the way you avoid disease and potential hurt feelings. If you ask most wives (cause I see it echoed on here) it wasn't really the sex that bothered them, it was the fact that their husband hid himself from her.

Another person was describing a divorce her daughter was going through and the fact that the daughter and her husband were not sleeping together, someone suggested he was gay and my response was - even if you are gay you still don't treat the people you love the way this guy was acting all through the divorce - basically taking it out on his little girl and making it really hard for his wife to raise her (the guy is always travelling for business so whether he wants to be there on not, he can't.) Every little vindictive childish action he takes makes it worse and worse.

That's not to say that I don't have sympathy for men who are struggling because their wife is not interested, or they have a family to raise and want to be there to support their family - or they found out much later in life that they really are attracted to men but come on guys - being bisexual is not a free pass. I guess people do it, but I could not imagine hiding such an integral part of myself from the person I love most in the world, the person I'm supposed to be able to trust with my life, for very long.

If you're BOTH cheating then fine, but at least be honest about it - and now I suppose you can tell me all to go to hell..I do have a lot to learn and I know that in the real world relationships are messy.

Bingo! Spot on Elian!!!

[JaredT77]

They won't get it and never will and that's why it is pointless to argue with them.

[Ja&Ve]

True. Narcissism is an inherent personality trait.

[elian]

This is a really interesting article I found that sort of relates to the topic..the second part of the article is better than the first.

http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html

[elian]

I do think that bisexuality is a bona fide state of being with its own unique requirements - I'm not saying that it's easy to be bisexual and in one or more relationships but I think that there may be ways of treating yourself and the people around you in a genuine, balanced way.

Maybe I'm dreaming, who knows.

Heck, I'm single and although I'm feeling much better about my sexuality I'm still not 100% accepting of it. As it turns out, sex, relationships and how we relate to the world can be complex and elicit powerful emotions in people..who would have thought..

This will probably be the last I post on the topic because we are all at different points in our lives, with different circumstances..I can only speak to what I think is the way I would want to be treated and treat others. Part of my strong reaction to this comes from growing up in a divorced household and seeing a lot of insecure men in a position of authority take advantage of people in bad ways. In truth I have no right to judge anyone else.

[Ja&Ve]

This is a really interesting article I found that sort of relates to the topic..the second part of the article is better than the first.

http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html
A fantastic read. Every single person should read this. And more than a few marrieds could use the refresher course.

[void()]

In truth I have no right to judge anyone else.

I agree in as much as no one has such a right.

That aside we each respectively to hold our own opinions based on
personal experience. With this in mind, I can attest that your opinion/s
and manner/s seemed balanced and impeccable to me.

This is said without intention of being lip service or homage, merely
because you treated me favorably. There is no denying that you did. My
point here though is you are are quite apt in what you express.

I know you and me have not talked much within the last while. I
understand much of the reasons behind that. We each get busy in living.
Still, I often find myself enthralled with loving you. If we lived
nearer to one another you can be assured I would be the visiting
husband, swapping out nightly or weekly visits between you and my wife.

And yes, this would entail adversity in being fair with you both, and
fair to myself. For the most I am content to act as consort as in days
of old, the stag back at the edge of the wood watching the does graze,
the cardinal bird letting his wives come feed on the seeds. That seems
purely masculine and dominate. You and my wife both know I have bouts
where it is the opposite, I indulge in being submissive.

Still I would be aloof and the gentle shadow following you both. That is
just me, a humbled old soul who is there, who loves. I am discovering
more and more how right you were regarding the kitten incident. Bah, and
you wonder why I love you. ;) It's all about that cute ass of yours.
Riiight. :) :P

[Curious_blue]

Wow... I don't know where to begin. I have just begun this journey of truth. Admitting to myself that I am at the very least bi curious without trying to justify it. I have come out to my wife and she is supportive of the notion. We have yet to work on anything beyond and I know we shall as we both become comfortable with our admissions ( she is hi curious too).As for bashing married bisexual men honestly I have seen limited examples mostly in internet articles usually. from one of the two other extremes ( gay & straight ). Funny how these opposite sexual lifestyles say that bi men are just more or less gays in training. The whole aspect of cheating ... Going behind my wife's back is unpalatable to me. I have these desires and they can be very strong. However out of respect for the woman I love I just wait and more importantly communicate. I respect her and myself and owe her total honesty. In fact if we never get to the point where she ( or we ) can allow it to happen then I suppose another lifetime then. Another thing I cannot see happening is the "hook up". I wish a friend to spend time with ... Know ... Not just an anonymous tryst. I will say from what I read here today I'm proud to be here sharing these journeys. I wish I knew what was coming next... But then don't we all

CB

[Maybhere]

We are both bisexual and have no secrets. What you do is what you can justify in your mind. We won't put you down but on the other hand we wouldn't care to know you if you are being dishonest.

[goldenfinger]

The self appointed morality police force on this site is a appalling.

[cuttin2dachase]

I don't judge or condemn bi married men for seeking and/or meeting other bi men, mainly because I am one of those "other" bi men whom they seek on this site and other sites. I much prefer bi married (or divorced) men because they are safer, more discreet and non-judgemental. They have more in common with me than single bi men or gay men. I permanently separated from my 2nd wife over 5 years ago and I consider that marriage to be a legal technicality until we eventually divorce. I feel no guilt or shame, nor do my married male partners. I feel single but list myself as a solo bi male on my adult site profiles so as not to misrepresent myself as not married.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion of bi married males who see a man (or men) on the side. I pay no attention to criticism and condemnation and bashing from holier-than-thou jackasses who can't or won't simply agree to disagree on the issue.

[silkysmoove]

So my wife knows im bi and also has made it clear that she is not interested in participating. We have a healthy sex life, good communication, and have been together for over 15 years. She knows that 2-3 times per year I get with guys but its understood that I don't announce it.

is that cheating or lying?

[Ja&Ve]

So my wife knows im bi and also has made it clear that she is not interested in participating. We have a healthy sex life, good communication, and have been together for over 15 years. She knows that 2-3 times per year I get with guys but its understood that I don't announce it.

is that cheating or lying?
neither
, you are one of the awesome ones. Your wife "knows" and you have her tacit blessing.

[Gearbox]

It used to be a lot worse here for members who posted that they cheat on their partner. I lost count how many were driven off the site just for being honest about their situation.
You'd always get some self appointed 'monogamy police' ripping into them like they had any business to, on that issue alone. I and others would get criticized for defending their right to be here and given a bit of respect.
Respect is what it all boils down to IMO. We don't have to respect the choices other members make, but we do need to respect their honesty here even if they are not so honest elsewhere.

On a sexuality themed site, the comfort of honesty and protection from judgement is pretty damn vital. There may not be anywhere else many of us could be honest, even to ourselves. Whether or not we think others deserve respect for the things they do, is neither 'here' or 'there'.
We have different moral compasses, and as much as we'd like to believe it, ours are not the prime shiny golden compass of the cosmos that overrules all others that we believe it to be. When entering into 'morals' there's always a little mine waiting to be stepped on.

Truth is - this place isn't called Saint.com for obvious reasons, and the 'cyber Doormen' need to remind themselves of that sometimes.:rolleyes:

[Long Duck Dong]

Lately, Ive seen alot of posts that have gone above and beyond to bash married bisexual men. Id just like to say that the gift in our being bisexual is the variety -- we have choices, we have options, we have POSSIBILITIES that others do not understand. I am not going to make someone feel horrible for "cheating" on their wives--we dont know the nature of their relationship, nor do we know what their situation is. Maybe they are indeed in the closet, maybe they are selfish, maybe their wives know, maybe their wives dont care, maybe no one in the relationship gives a damn anymore. Who are we to rip apart someone else's life? I understand that we all have an opinion. But I think it is unfair to call out all bisexual married men and label them as cowards. Some of us are polyamorous; some of us are monogamous, some of us are so many things. We don't fit into the common mold and if you are bisexual and don't know that critical factor by now....you're the one that the rest of us should be feeling sorry for and NOT the other way around. There's more than two choices and I think as a true bisexual, that point alone should transcend every part of your lives. No one has to be one of anything. I support and admire many of our married bisexual men. That is the richness of who we are..the layers and juxtapositions and contradictions.


I sympathize with the guys that can nor reveal themselves to their partner, live in the shadows, dream of a different life....... but by the same token, its not our sexuality that makes us cheat.... unless we have some type of bisexual cheating gene that is not found in any other sexuality......and while the desire for sex can be strong in people, we still choose to cheat, we make that conscious choice to cheat and we justify our arguments for and against cheating...... but its not a clear situation where lines can be drawn, its blurred lines and that is why I have a hypocritical stance on cheating.... I do not condone the action, I will not always agree with the reasoning but I understand that there can be more to cheating than just the sex....... in the same way a person may rob a store for money for drugs while another person may do the same thing in order to feed their family.........

the issue I have, is with the idea that we are supposed to accept, support and even condone bisexual males cheating.....yet ignore the effects that it can have on families, partners, loved ones and often sit in judgement of those affected by the cheating........ its something that goes against the nature of a lot of people.....and something they are judged for, by people in the site, often by the same people that are quick to pass judgement on other people that are not bisexual and not perfect, just like us

[tenni]

Good points Gear. How can someone turn all pious when there are such sexually explicit threads? The morality of the heteronormative mainstream society needs questioning and challenging.


There is a huge difference from condemning bisexuals for their sexual activity and condoning it on a bisexual web site. Empathy and sympathy may be expressed without judgment and using heteronormative moral values. Sucking cock is sinful if you are a man according to heteronormative moral values. Understanding and examining society values and judgements regarding bisexual men in relationships with heterosexual women needs challenging. You do not have to condone or condemn a bisexual man who enters a heteronormative relationship with a heterosexual woman. You may question his wisdom of doing so without having discussed his sexuality and having fully understood his sexuality. These mistakes are made. There is rarely full discussions on monogamy and sexuality prior to entering these heteronormative relationships. It is assumed.


People posting on this site should spend their energy changing society to make it suitable and comfortable to a bisexual man to discuss his sexuality without fear of retribution or shame. They do not though. If you are not in such a marriage and bisexual, it is none of your business what happens to a family of a bisexual any more than any other breakdown factor in that marriage.

[void()]

People posting on this site should spend their energy changing society to make it suitable and comfortable to a bisexual man to discuss his sexuality without fear of retribution or shame. They do not though.

Allow presentation of some words by Socrates.

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting
the old, but on building the new.”

“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with
what he would like to have.”

“Let him who would move the world first move himself.”

“Do not do to others what angers you if done to you by others.”

"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."

In my humbled opinion, Socrates was far wiser than I will ever be. Your
words could be seen as offensive. Some of us choose a path found within
the wisdom presented in Socrates' words.

Instead of moving the world, we move ourselves. Instead of fighting
the old, we create the new. Instead of desiring what we have not, we
are content in what we have. Instead of telling others how to live and
assailing them with our lifestyle as a be all and end all, we live
quietly and peacefully with others.

This way seems not to expend energy in a manner what suits you. We
could apologize in that your approval was not sought out. We could also
apologize you only seem grand king of the world in your own mind alone.
It seems though any such apologies will be artificial at best. So, we'll
merely close here without bothering being offended by your words above.
:) Have a good one.

[Ja&Ve]

Allow presentation of some words by Socrates.

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting
the old, but on building the new.”

“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with
what he would like to have.”

“Let him who would move the world first move himself.”

“Do not do to others what angers you if done to you by others.”

"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."

In my humbled opinion, Socrates was far wiser than I will ever be. Your
words could be seen as offensive. Some of us choose a path found within
the wisdom presented in Socrates' words.

Instead of moving the world, we move ourselves. Instead of fighting
the old, we create the new. Instead of desiring what we have not, we
are content in what we have. Instead of telling others how to live and
assailing them with our lifestyle as a be all and end all, we live
quietly and peacefully with others.

This way seems not to expend energy in a manner what suits you. We
could apologize in that your approval was not sought out. We could also
apologize you only seem grand king of the world in your own mind alone.
It seems though any such apologies will be artificial at best. So, we'll
merely close here without bothering being offended by your words above.
:) Have a good one.

this explains so much of why my husband is such a more peaceful person than I. And why I consider him the wiser of the two of us. :)
he he doesn't want nor expect the world to change for him. He can only change and be happy within himself.

[void()]

this explains so much of why my husband is such a more peaceful person than I. And why I consider him the wiser of the two of us. :)
he he doesn't want nor expect the world to change for him. He can only change and be happy within himself.

* grins, nods knowing * "Yup, yup, yup."

For a long while, I had a great deal of trouble regarding allowing the emotion of anger to assume control.
At one site of employment where my wife worked as well, I was terminated for a fully bull dung excuse / reason. We still believe it was really because I refused sleeping with the new management's niece.

At any given, there was a meeting with corporate folks. The new manager had written stuff on accident forms, not discipline forms. The corporate guy showed these to me as proofs I had all these piles of disciplinary referrals.

I laughed in his face and explained they were not discipline forms, and I had not signed them as required by the company's disciplinary policy. They still railroaded me out of work there via accusing me of everything from stealing the Lindberg child to crossing my ts with xs. My wife boiled over and flew into a very loud rage at them.

I sat there as calm and somber as Solomon. It was a minimum wage position which ought to have garnered better wages, we worked full time but were still listed as part time. I had better work at various times and with far better people, so, it was not worth letting anger drive for me.

I got her, held her and we left the meeting abruptly. I went back in to let them know we were leaving, after getting here into the car. We left and enjoyed a nearby local nature park the rest of the day.

At times she wonders about me and tells me she does. "I wonder about me too", I tell her. "Married to such an easily angered and psychotic woman. Never know if I'll wake up dead one morning or not." ;) :)

[Ja&Ve]

* grins, nods knowing * "Yup, yup, yup." For a long while, I had a great deal of trouble regarding allowing the emotion of anger to assume control. At one site of employment where my wife worked as well, I was terminated for a fully bull dung excuse / reason. We still believe it was really because I refused sleeping with the new management's niece. At any given, there was a meeting with corporate folks. The new manager had written stuff on accident forms, not discipline forms. The corporate guy showed these to me as proofs I had all these piles of disciplinary referrals. I laughed in his face and explained they were not discipline forms, and I had not signed them as required by the company's disciplinary policy. They still railroaded me out of work there via accusing me of everything from stealing the Lindberg child to crossing my ts with xs. My wife boiled over and flew into a very loud rage at them. I sat there as calm and somber as Solomon. It was a minimum wage position which ought to have garnered better wages, we worked full time but were still listed as part time. I had better work at various times and with far better people, so, it was not worth letting anger drive for me. I got her, held her and we left the meeting abruptly. I went back in to let them know we were leaving, after getting here into the car. We left and enjoyed a nearby local nature park the rest of the day. At times she wonders about me and tells me she does. "I wonder about me too", I tell her. "Married to such an easily angered and psychotic woman. Never know if I'll wake up dead one morning or not." ;) :) If she is anything thing like me, her passion extends into all facets of her life, hence why you love her so much I'm sure.

[Brokentoe]

You guys must live in some liberal areas its still the 1950s good ole boys mentality in most of my town and with everyone i know. Yeah some people have alternative life styles but you dont talk about. My wife and some of my friends know about me but its not discussed. The people that live openly are considered weirdos and freaks a lower class of humans. The reality tv show the Beekman boys is filmed not to far from here. You should here what people really say and think about them. My wife knows when i go out and come back in a good mood what ive been doing but its never discussed. Want to bash me, say im cheating, go ahead support the good ole boy mentality. Im doing the best i can in the situation ive been given. Want to say why dont i leave find another place. I shouldnt have to lose everything ive worked for and the people i love because i like to be with guys. So i keep it quiet.

[tenni]

Welcome Broken Toe
Thanks for an honest reality check for some posters. I have spent time in Buffalo and surrounding ski area and didn't know that just south of Syracuse was a difficult place for bisexuals to live in.
I hope that you benefit from reading this site and that others are considerate and accepting.

As far as inner peace and inner change versus society change they are not synonymous as Broken Toe's post shows. Change will happen in society regardless of finding inner peace individually..which is a good thing but doesn't help if you are being hit over the head with a bear bottle for being a fag (some don't distinguish between the two sexualities very well). Socrates was a stimulating philosopher and not a sociologist.

[DuckiesDarling]

Allow presentation of some words by Socrates.

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting
the old, but on building the new.”

“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with
what he would like to have.”

“Let him who would move the world first move himself.”

“Do not do to others what angers you if done to you by others.”

"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."

In my humbled opinion, Socrates was far wiser than I will ever be. Your
words could be seen as offensive. Some of us choose a path found within
the wisdom presented in Socrates' words.

Instead of moving the world, we move ourselves. Instead of fighting
the old, we create the new. Instead of desiring what we have not, we
are content in what we have. Instead of telling others how to live and
assailing them with our lifestyle as a be all and end all, we live
quietly and peacefully with others.

This way seems not to expend energy in a manner what suits you. We
could apologize in that your approval was not sought out. We could also
apologize you only seem grand king of the world in your own mind alone.
It seems though any such apologies will be artificial at best. So, we'll
merely close here without bothering being offended by your words above.
:) Have a good one.

Have I told you lately that I love you?

[void()]

Welcome Broken Toe
Thanks for an honest reality check for some posters. I have spent time in Buffalo and surrounding ski area and didn't know that just south of Syracuse was a difficult place for bisexuals to live in.
I hope that you benefit from reading this site and that others are considerate and accepting.

As far as inner peace and inner change versus society change they are not synonymous as Broken Toe's post shows. Change will happen in society regardless of finding inner peace individually..which is a good thing but doesn't help if you are being hit over the head with a bear bottle for being a fag (some don't distinguish between the two sexualities very well). Socrates was a stimulating philosopher and not a sociologist.

As Brokentoe's post also portrays, there is no reason to rock the boat. In fact doing so may only
cause those beer bottles to land on your skull. (bear? :confused: Wow, no wonder you Canadians don't drink beer, grizzly stuff for you. :cutelaugh)

Wisdom is wisdom it would seem no matter the source. Further seems if you change yourself, you change how you see, you change your world. Your world has no choice but to change if you do. That doesn't make waves or get you swatted. Inner peace creates outer peace, creates peace in whole.

You can keep choosing to try denying that. Nobody will stop you from choosing that, bud. Have at it, if it is what you want. *chuckles* You may as well use a sledgehammer against that solid brick wall, while you're at it. :banghead:

Rather turn the hose on, let the water wash it all away. Meanwhile, I'll drown in this bear fur jacket while nursing your beer for you. I see now why you have such an attitude. Fighting them mean old bears each time you get drunk, man, I would feel like I wiped my arse with sandpaper too. Whew doggies!

Also agree with something Brokentoe points out. Why give up what I built, in order to have some alleged better way of being? That seems wholly unproductive, irrational, counter-intuitive. Suppose I told you that you could have better sex if you wrapped your cock with razor wire, would you even give it a shot? I may be wrong but I doubt you would.

But again, it's all back to being your choice. Funny how that keeps revolving, eh? *sighs* Oh well, t'is what t'is.

Besides, I note something else. Say you go into the local corner bar, sit, order a beer. You keep to yourself mainly, you might engage in general small talk with a few folks. How from pleasantries can they discern you're anything but some guy/gal in a bar having a beer or two? Really not sure how you go from casual talk of the weather, maybe talk about how poor a sports team is doing to suddenly announcing over a public address you're a total bisexual freak?

Did they ask? Did you really feel comfortable enough to volunteer? Gee, again that seems to be your choice again.

More often than not, nobody gives a shit. They're content to sit there and have a beer too. They don't need any trouble. In fact, I would guess since they're in a bar they're looking to dodge some trouble/s of their world, and our shared world too. The last thing they're likely to desire is having the damn mod squad police show up and beat the hell out of everyone for any reason.

So, not quite following your example of alleged violence against poor victimized bisexual or queer. Seems to me one has to choose expressing themselves openly. Again that seems a highly counter-intuitive, irrational choice. But ultimately it is their choice, and if you are the one making it, it is your choice yet again. Further, it appears you seek being a victim. Like being powerless? Submissive, much?

Fine, bend over bitch, I got an itch.

You keep returning to a point where by it is easily seen you are arguing about making choices. You seem keen upon making choices which present yourself as victim. I'm sorry but I do not buy your loaded bullshit. You're using a system of trolling dubbed martyrdom. Come on down here off your cross honey, we need the lumber to build a boat to float in all the shit you've piled up as a flood against us.

A lot of folks on this site have seen you do this, time and again. I am seeing it too. I'm telling you, I don't care much for it. You set up these arguments which present yourself with choices. Then, you make lousy choices or present the implications of lousy choices, use those as clubs to assail others. Sorry, we choose to not play your game. You are not the sacrificial lamb you may think you are. You are just some guy, in a bar having a beer, same as me, same as anyone.

You can keep trying to deny the truth of life. Ultimately, it is going to be what it will be regardless of your efforts. You want to keep being victim, suits me fine. Don't complain or cry out if I wall fuck you, that is press you against the wall face first and use you to my own ends. Don't bother wincing if I line others up after me so they can take a turn. You chose being victim, get used to it.

I apologize for speaking this frankly, this vulgarly. You, tenni, have continued this beyond need. I have seen you do the same rounds for at least two, maybe four years now. A lot of good folks have suggested much the same, in politer manner. I have tried being polite as well. You keep drawing it on, yourself. Now, to let you in on a secret. By wall fucking in this context, I mean you will be fully ignored again. I thought you had maybe found yourself learning to be better, to write better, to present yourself better. Tired of you trying to prove that me thinking is a mistake. Not going to keep letting it happen, that's my choice. So yeah, that'll fuck you against a wall real well.

*walks off to enjoy the rest of his coffee, the rain, life, love and a good game of solitaire before braving his dogs *

[void()]

Have I told you lately that I love you?

Woot? Wat's 'at again? You huh? Hurh? :cutelaugh:oh::wacko::love1:

[tenni]

Rule 2 - Be polite. Flame the idea if you feel you must, but not the person.


(rape threat references )
"Don't complain or cry out if I wall fuck you, that is press you against the wall face first and use you to my own ends. Don't bother wincing if I line others up after me so they can take a turn. You chose being victim, get used to it."
"Fine, bend over bitch, I got an itch."

"You, tenni, have continued this beyond need."

post 36 = 253 words (Void)
post 41 = 177 words (Broken Toe)
post 42= 128 words (Tenni)
post 44 = 940 words (Void)

[Gearbox]

the issue I have, is with the idea that we are supposed to accept, support and even condone bisexual males cheating....
Nobody asked you to do any such thing. You are responsible for the attacks you make.....not the cheating bi's or anybody else.
It's as useful as asking a Catholic nun come and be a mod here. The only way she'd learn anything from the members is if she held back any bias views and tried to understand them. Constantly running members off the site for being debauched etc would get her an ulcer at best.:rolleyes:

[void()]

Context verified and fully expounded, articulated with clarity.


By wall fucking in this context, I mean you will be fully ignored again.

What has been drawn out beyond need also clarified, verified and in context as well.


You, tenni, have continued this beyond need. I have seen you do the same rounds for at least two, maybe four years now. A lot of good folks have suggested much the same, in politer manner.

Response granted to simply further expound upon the blisteringly obvious clarity in which statements were presented, and their context. I am well aware of what I wrote, how it was written, the rational, the emotion, the intention behind it being written. And yet again, someone attempts riding a cross, As I stated, it is what it is ...

So, excuse me. I'll now comply in ignoring. Clear enough for me some think themselves above others. Some of us do not hold to that. Enjoy the ignorance, act of being ignored.

[void()]

Gear,

I know it will likely be no "skin off your nose" either way. I am merely letting you know, if I read you reposting that person's posts, I will ignore you again as well. Had you ignored a while, disregarded that as means of a second chance. "Hey, I might have been having a bad day, read Gear wrong. Maybe he was having a bad day and fumbled in what he wrote. Anything is possible, okay I'll read him again."

That other person has continued this seeming course of "bad days". This has happened not only with myself but others, and not all the others have been friends of mine. People see what I see. I made a good and fair number of efforts to be polite, civil. Now, I choose not to as doing so does not cause the horse to drink. It is the horse's choice. *shrugs*

I have refrained from personal attacks as best able. So, I resort to the site's features, namely ignoring the horse what does not change its actions. Those actions, the ideas seen behind them are what I tried to attack. As illustrated, they clearly did as predicted, played victim. I'll leave it at that because further would be personal attacks. That is not why I am here, and I know it would not be pretty should that course ensue.

[Ja&Ve]

You guys must live in some liberal areas its still the 1950s good ole boys mentality in most of my town and with everyone i know. Yeah some people have alternative life styles but you dont talk about. My wife and some of my friends know about me but its not discussed. The people that live openly are considered weirdos and freaks a lower class of humans. The reality tv show the Beekman boys is filmed not to far from here. You should here what people really say and think about them. My wife knows when i go out and come back in a good mood what ive been doing but its never discussed. Want to bash me, say im cheating, go ahead support the good ole boy mentality. Im doing the best i can in the situation ive been given. Want to say why dont i leave find another place. I shouldnt have to lose everything ive worked for and the people i love because i like to be with guys. So i keep it quiet. And again, you are not the ones anyone has a problem here. You wife knows and you and she have an "agreement" as to don't ask don't tell. Rather admirable and speaks well of your wife if ask me. :)

[tenni]

Void
Please do keep me on block. You realize that if your reply you are not using the block as well as you can. I clearly do not see you demonstrating inner peace with your recent post. Attempting to cover your lack of inner peace and rape threats fails to show inner peace imo.

I believe that some action is needed by bisexuals on this plane and put forth ideas and thoughts for bisexuals to gain better acceptance and freedom in society. I write about it. This is not the behaviour of a vicim who needs to be raped to silence or whatever your frequent ramblings mention.

People who threaten to leave a site at least once a year but do not and the same person who has a "need" to announce that those who do not agree with him will be put on block do not seem to be at peace to me. If announcing that you are blocking those you do not agree with brings you inner peace, ok but it reads merely as a slur from a man who is not able to discuss or debate ideas. You may be travelling down the wrong road to inner peace and certainly does nothing to improve bisexuals lot in society.

Whether you have inner peace as a married bisexual man is your own business. At one time I thought that you had an excellent bisexual solution and maybe it still works for you. Good fortune.

[tenni]

And again, you are not the ones anyone has a problem here. You wife knows and you and she have an "agreement" as to don't ask don't tell. Rather admirable and speaks well of your wife if ask me. :)

Do you seriously see yourself as the spokesperson to pass judgement as to what is a problem here and what is not? I suggest that you use the "I" word more and "anyone" "we" etc. not at all.

[Ja&Ve]

wow, just wow. Nice to see that no compliment I give goes unpunished.

Tenni, if you don't like what I have to post, stay the fuck off my commentary. That man deserves to read that what he does and how he acts within his own relationship is perfectly good and moral and that no one is bashing him.

By "we", j and I are a couple, thus the we as I read almost everything to him. He doesn't like going through all the posts himself.

Next time, order the fries with your victim mentality combo. I hear they are better than the onion rings.

[Gearbox]

Gear,

I know it will likely be no "skin off your nose" either way. I am merely letting you know, if I read you reposting that person's posts, I will ignore you again as well. Had you ignored a while, disregarded that as means of a second chance. "Hey, I might have been having a bad day, read Gear wrong. Maybe he was having a bad day and fumbled in what he wrote. Anything is possible, okay I'll read him again."

That other person has continued this seeming course of "bad days". This has happened not only with myself but others, and not all the others have been friends of mine. People see what I see. I made a good and fair number of efforts to be polite, civil. Now, I choose not to as doing so does not cause the horse to drink. It is the horse's choice. *shrugs*

I have refrained from personal attacks as best able. So, I resort to the site's features, namely ignoring the horse what does not change its actions. Those actions, the ideas seen behind them are what I tried to attack. As illustrated, they clearly did as predicted, played victim. I'll leave it at that because further would be personal attacks. That is not why I am here, and I know it would not be pretty should that course ensue.
I really can't believe that you are threatening to ignore me if I quote LDD again. You get free champagne in that clique?:tongue:

What you have refrained from Void, is the actual thread topic: Bisexual Married Men Bashing.
You have gone further and further from it with every post. What is the problem of discussing the attitude to those members here by the rest of us?
As you well know, LDD is by far the staunchest cyber bully towards all that is 'cheater' on the site. HE at least gave a reason for his attacks on them. It was a deluded reason IMO, so I quoted it and gave a reason why I think it was deluded.
I may be right or maybe wrong, but that is how things are discussed. Definitely NOT by threatening another member with ignorance coz they quote their besty mate. That is just bizarre!

I will no doubt quote him many times more, so if that pains you, then feel free to jump into ignorance as often as you like. That's pretty damn silly IMO, but it may give you a sense of power over reality....I don't know.:confused:

[void()]

I really can't believe that you are threatening to ignore me if I quote LDD again. You get free champagne in that clique?:tongue:

What you have refrained from Void, is the actual thread topic: Bisexual Married Men Bashing.
You have gone further and further from it with every post. What is the problem of discussing the attitude to those members here by the rest of us?
As you well know, LDD is by far the staunchest cyber bully towards all that is 'cheater' on the site. HE at least gave a reason for his attacks on them. It was a deluded reason IMO, so I quoted it and gave a reason why I think it was deluded.
I may be right or maybe wrong, but that is how things are discussed. Definitely NOT by threatening another member with ignorance coz they quote their besty mate. That is just bizarre!

I will no doubt quote him many times more, so if that pains you, then feel free to jump into ignorance as often as you like. That's pretty damn silly IMO, but it may give you a sense of power over reality....I don't know.:confused:

It was not LDD I was discussing. I have expressed my views regarding cheating plainly in this, and other various threads in such regards. I do not cheat nor do I condone it. If you want to, suppose it is your business. I won't choose to engage with you if aware you cheat. Beyond that it ultimately does not concern me as it is another person's choice, not mine.

Think I am fairly clear in that expression. I may be ambiguous in not directly referring to tenni. It is him I was asking you to not quote. Will it pain me if you do? Not really. I will merely ignore you because I choose ignoring him. He continually acts a victim in order to troll. I am not alone in seeing that. I no longer choose playing his "game". So, I choose to ignore him rather than face regrets later.

[tenni]

Ja

I know..what a dick...lol

It might help if you identified which of you is posting. Does the guy ever post here? I think that readers respectfully deserve to know which of you is posting. It seems to be the woman mostly based on what is posted?..but I may be wrong. Have we actually read a thought of the bisexual husband? Is Ja the bisexual man or is Ve?

If you post, someone may comment. If you don't want or are not prepared for a comment, keep it to yourself.(reverse of what you demanded) At least we are not threatening to rape each other or worse..lol

There have been posters in the past who would attack Broken Toe because he doesn't discuss it opening with his wife to get overt permission(read what Gear posted). One heterosexual woman actually posted in caps (screaming) because she didn't like how the married bisexual man was behaving when talking to his daughter about his sexuality. She believed that she had the right to scream at a married bisexual man.

I am happy that you are not one who might attack Broken Toe but when you post, why not identify which person is posting (and use I)? Several couples who post under one identity make it clear which is posting. Or better yet, have him create his own identity and post as a bisexual man?

[Gearbox]

It was not LDD I was discussing. I have expressed my views regarding cheating plainly in this, and other various threads in such regards. I do not cheat nor do I condone it. If you want to, suppose it is your business. I won't choose to engage with you if aware you cheat. Beyond that it ultimately does not concern me as it is another person's choice, not mine.

Think I am fairly clear in that expression. I may be ambiguous in not directly referring to tenni. It is him I was asking you to not quote. Will it pain me if you do? Not really. I will merely ignore you because I choose ignoring him. He continually acts a victim in order to troll. I am not alone in seeing that. I no longer choose playing his "game". So, I choose to ignore him rather than face regrets later.
I have only quoted LDD, and the only one who has quoted Tenni is you. Fair enough if you want to completely ignore Tenni, but you'll have to ignore all who dares quote him to accomplish that. Sounds like a lot of work to me and for no gain.

This 'condoning' biz seems to be the core of why some chose to take an aggressive attitude towards members who cheat here. That's a lot of work for no gain too IMO, and does nothing but add to the disrespect that's protested against.
'Condoning' is the same excuse used for all acts of disgust thrown at another, unwanted and uninvited. As I've already said....nobody asks for anybodies condoning or approval of cheating here, least of all the cheaters themselves. YOU put yourself in the position of 'condoner', and inevitably oust yourself from it as an act of 'moral protest': You ignore them.
You have no right to be a 'condoner' in the first place! I'm pretty sick & tired of being accused of taking that position myself, when I've got no interest in it, nor right to be either.

If you don't think that Tenni or cheaters are worthy of your attention, or that simply responding their posts means that you support and condone all that they do in their lives, then ignore them and all who attend to them.
It's very silly IMO, but it's your choice.

[tenni]

Ah...cheating Let me clarify what Void is condemning about me.

I do not cheat if I am in a monogamous relationship. I am not in a monogamous relationship and presently have no intention of being in one at this point.

I do not condone cheating but I understand the grey areas and reasons why a person finds that they can not stay in such a relationship. I can empathize when a bisexual finds themselves inprisoned by heteronormative morality of a partner and other issues. I do not condemn them. I empathize with their situation. I do not emphasize with condemning bisexuals, heterosexuals nor condemning asexuals or whatever sexual flavour of the month that they claim to be. I do not agree with those who condemn married bisexual men who find themselves trapped by guilt, shame and fear.

[Ja&Ve]

Ja

I know..what a dick...lol

It might help if you identified which of you is posting. Does the guy ever post here? I think that readers respectfully deserve to know which of you is posting. It seems to be the woman mostly based on what is posted?..but I may be wrong. Have we actually read a thought of the bisexual husband? Is Ja the bisexual man or is Ve?

If you post, someone may comment. If you don't want or are not prepared for a comment, keep it to yourself.(reverse of what you demanded) At least we are not threatening to rape each other or worse..lol

There have been posters in the past who would attack Broken Toe because he doesn't discuss it opening with his wife to get overt permission(read what Gear posted). One heterosexual woman actually posted in caps (screaming) because she didn't like how the married bisexual man was behaving when talking to his daughter about his sexuality. She believed that she had the right to scream at a married bisexual man.

I am happy that you are not one who might attack Broken Toe but when you post, why not identify which person is posting (and use I)? Several couples who post under one identity make it clear which is posting. Or better yet, have him create his own identity and post as a bisexual man?

Its ok ten, the we will be gone. J has said he no longer wants us on the site, he said it doesn't achieve what he wants which is communication with bi folk who are more like our situation. He would rather have that. I would rather be around all situations, but he is the one ultimately who needs to be comfortable with what we are reading and experiencing here. He said it's not good for me. So I will bid you all farewell. May your journeys take you where you find peace and happiness. We wish you well.

[McBice]

Well here it is at post #60 of this thread and all I got to say is, sorry sdf123, I feel ya man...well and...bet ya won't do this again will ya

[void()]

I have only quoted LDD, and the only one who has quoted Tenni is you. Fair enough if you want to completely ignore Tenni, but you'll have to ignore all who dares quote him to accomplish that. Sounds like a lot of work to me and for no gain.

This 'condoning' biz seems to be the core of why some chose to take an aggressive attitude towards members who cheat here. That's a lot of work for no gain too IMO, and does nothing but add to the disrespect that's protested against.
'Condoning' is the same excuse used for all acts of disgust thrown at another, unwanted and uninvited. As I've already said....nobody asks for anybodies condoning or approval of cheating here, least of all the cheaters themselves. YOU put yourself in the position of 'condoner', and inevitably oust yourself from it as an act of 'moral protest': You ignore them.
You have no right to be a 'condoner' in the first place! I'm pretty sick & tired of being accused of taking that position myself, when I've got no interest in it, nor right to be either.

If you don't think that Tenni or cheaters are worthy of your attention, or that simply responding their posts means that you support and condone all that they do in their lives, then ignore them and all who attend to them.
It's very silly IMO, but it's your choice.

I am not suggesting a right to condone. I am suggesting a right to
choose. The cheaters have a right to choose to cheat. I choose not to
cheat. I choose not to pay attention expressly to tenni. That too as you
say is my choice.

I am choosing it to avoid regrets later. See? I understand that it is
my choice, and I am making it. Tenni presents things in such a way as
to appear a victim. He did it over the content of a thread, which was
highly descriptive in its title.

It was his choice to view or not. He viewed but then complained of
being offended. If after reading the title of the thread, he did not
understand what a thread was about he could have asked others to further
elucidate. Instead, he chose to view. That meant he forfeited a right
of being offended. He chose to look, he was given description and still
chose.

But yet it was all a big blow up that he was victimized. And it was not
merely that singular thread. He does this repeatedly and has done so
in the past. No one can harm another without the consent of the other.
Tenni consents then cries out as a victim. He does not stop choosing
to consent and he does not stop even knowing he may take offense, be
harmed/upset.

Then, he insults and tries offending others because oh boo hoo, he's been
"victimized". He ought not consent. He is given choice the same as I am
given choice. I see that continuing discussion with him will result in
regret later. I choose to not have that. Seems some new comers to the
site do as well. That itself is a big regret. Well, I make my choice
too.

[jem_is_bi]

I never bash bisexuals for their choices. They may be good choices, bad choices, or have mixed results. I am totally ok with their choices. Unless I know them personally, I do not know enough to do otherwise. I never put any one on ignore, even if I totally reject their logic. Ignorance is not bliss. I admit to glossing over details if replies are long-winded. Cheating? You have to know more than the raw facts to label someone with that label with all the connotations of what it means to you. Life and relationships are much more than a set of good versus evil choices.

[void()]

Re: Post #61 Strike
I am not suggesting a right to condone.
Replace with: I am not suggesting a right to condemn, or condone, otherwise judge.
Rational: I honestly made an error in writing, saw it but too late to edit the post.

[tenni]

post 61

"I am not suggesting a right to condone. I am suggesting a right to choose. The cheaters have a right to choose to cheat. I choose not to cheat."

Is this Void's first vaguely on thread topic statement? I do condone some actions. I condone the right of people to have sex with other legal aged people regardless of gender. I think that to make these positions valid you need to work on getting and maintaining these rights. That may take some form of societal change regarding assumed monogamy as a default mode for any marriage /relationship (particularly for bisexuals). Maybe, bisexuals should refrain from using the word "cheater" as it seems to have great negative meaning..like "faggot" has?

"But yet it was all a big blow up that he was victimized."

The above statement seems to have little to do with the thread? I will state that I am not a victim nor have I intended to present myself as a victim. If I am anything I prefer to refer to myself as a bisexual activist who supports bisexual activism and bisexual discussion on bi issues. I have no clear idea as to what the poster is specifically referring to and don't care to discuss his opinion on this thread.

[Gearbox]

I see that continuing discussion with him will result in
regret later. I choose to not have that. Seems some new comers to the
site do as well. That itself is a big regret. Well, I make my choice
too.
Yes there are are choices, there are always reasons for those choices, always some moral code behind those reasons and always some emotional & philosophical frame behind those morals.

Are you really sure that Ja&Ve left the site due to Tenni's posts?

[tenni]

Gear?
I agree that choices do have reasons and some reasons are based in some personal or societal morality . They may not match and frequently do not match for bisexual husbands.

In post 61, 15% was about the thread topic while 85% was a personal attack. Choosing to personally attack another member rather than post about the topic is not a healthy, productive choice imo. There is a difference between challenging another poster's choice of words and personal attack imo. If a poster uses words like "anyone" they are presenting themselves as the speaker for everyone. Debate differs from personal attack. None of this paragraph has much to do with the thread topic but has to do with some poster making accusations and personal attacks.

[Gearbox]

Gear?
What? Are you going further off the thread topic?

In post 61, 15% was about the thread topic while 85% was a personal attack. Choosing to personally attack another member rather than post about the topic is not a healthy, productive choice imo.
I was on topic and not attacking anybody. Was probably a bit vague tho.:tongue:
I think that Void was just using you as an example too, in the same light as I was using Ja&Ve.

It all boils down to moral codes on the topic of cheating bi's, and a good dose of personal philosophies ending in 'attack' & 'paranoia'.
We either accept the reality of cheating, or we attack it. As we ALL really know - if somebody wants to cheat, there's not one damn thing in the world that can guarantee it's prevention. The efforts to prevent it cause far more stress than the dealing with it happening IMO.
Mainly coz (as brushed upon) the world is targeted for change, rather than the self.

One simple solution would be to set each other free.;) That's the hardest thing in the world for some, and a myriad of moral's block out one simple concept. In doing so, the strongest of negative emotions rally to fight the strongest of positive ones.
It's all Angels & Demons creating Heaven & Hell.:eek2:

[void()]

Yes there are are choices, there are always reasons for those choices, always some moral code behind those reasons and always some emotional & philosophical frame behind those morals.

Are you really sure that Ja&Ve left the site due to Tenni's posts?

Choices may also merely reflect preferences. Think of it in sexual
terms.

You may prefer getting blow jobs. That's great and all is lovely for
you.

I may prefer having some cowboy/gal riding my cock all night. That's
great and all is lovely for me.

Life is like a brothel. You and I can show up and each find willing
professionals to service our respective desires. You go off to a room
with the pro you choose. I go off to a room with a pro I choose.

Some people prefer having sex mixed with relationships. We may prefer
having intimacy, love, trust with those we bed.

Other prefer to not mix relationships with sex. They avoid emotional
sensualities and enjoy the purely physical act.

Neither is right or wrong. I am not saying either is. I am saying and
have said, I do not prefer cheating. This is because I prefer having
relationships with those I bed. Yes, I can admit at one point I felt
strongly cheating was worth condemnation.

I understand cheating is a choice. It is one I do not choose. I will not
choose to knowingly help another cheat.

If you choose to cheat, you can choose to do it with someone else. I
do not prefer it, as I prefer relationships in combination with sex.
Thanks.

And that's all I am saying regarding cheating. It is not me judging
beyond what I prefer, or do not prefer.

I have created change in the world, expressly by changing that opinion
and feeling. So yes, some of us do change ourselves. Some of us realize
human beings are not perfect. We realize that choice is an important
aspect of living and one which bears respecting.

We also do not continually present ourselves as victims to troll a
forum. We evaluate our own behavior, we change in order to change our
respective worlds. Now, excuse me but I am going to honor my choice to
ignore you. You chose reposting tenni's commentary.

And the choice in that is to further avoid regrets, drama. It is a web
forum provided freely. Not worth excess regret or drama, in my preference.

Do I think he was responsible for some leaving? I think anything is
possible. To respond honestly, yes, I think his actions and commentary
may have contributed to some choosing to leave. They may also choose by
my contributions. As I said, anything is possible.

[Gearbox]

Now, excuse me but I am going to honor my choice to
ignore you. You chose reposting tenni's commentary.
Quoting Tenni is only a 'crime' coz you created it (Monog - cheating).:bigrin: Now you've passed judgement and execution for something that doesn't even exist in my world.
You honour what you like, but you'll never take away my freedom (*Drama packed running over a mountain with a spear imagery there.lol*).

[tenni]

Post 67-I agree that Gear was not attacking anyone but questioning and asking for clarification.

"It all boils down to moral codes".

That statement may be correct and the best rationale for bisexual married men bashing. When there is a bisexual site that permits heterosexuals to post on it I find that heteronormative moral values do not always permit the evolution of bisexual moral values/codes and even self identity in positive ways. Bisexual men sometimes refer semantically as having gay sex rather than same sex play. The bisexual man only perceive the duality of monosexuals and has little support(societal or even bisexual community organizations etc.) to recognize that he is neither hetero nor gay. A bisexual man may have same sex activity but if he identifies as bisexual he is demeaning himself by referring it as gay sex with all the connotations and conflicts that brings to his identity.

Sometimes, a heterosexual makes statements that come across (to me) as authoritarian. This has happened over and over on the site. Some of the heterosexuals have taken the authoritarian position of knowing and judging what is best for married bisexual men but are making this judgement with centuries of heteronormative moral values /codes. When a poster uses terms that are vague such as deeming that "anyone" followed by a moral judgement, I think that that poster is walking on egg shells but believes that they have the moral right to comment. Even when that comment does not condemn, they are not permitting bisexuals to evolve away from heteronormative moral values and codes. Bisexual married men are immersed in heteronormative moral values/codes and may even want to adhere to them. Guilt, shame and fear of rejection weigh heavy on their conscience as they struggle with their bisexual identity. Then we have dominating heterosexuals either condoning or condemning the married bisexual man and he carries that inside himself. Some married bisexual men have preferenced their statements on this thread with either defiance or admittance that they know that they have gone outside of heteronormative values.

Now, as I read my own words, I sense that they come across as condemning the heteronormative moral code about cheating. The moral code regarding sexual activity with someone that you are not in a monogamous relationship with is strong and deeply embedded in all of us. If we look at two bisexuals in a relationship whether cross gender or same gender, do they have greater success at dealing with sexual needs compared to cross gender cross sexual orientations? The two bisexuals seem to be more open to examining their relationship outside of the heteronormative moral codes of monosexuals. Even same gendered cross orientation(ie. men and one is gay and one is bisexual) seem to follow a less rigid moral code than heterosexual women.(possibly heterosexual men but we rarely hear from them on this site). I'm not sure what moral code should exist for bisexuals but like bisexuality itself it may be best that it have grey edges and not as firm and hard moral codes as heteronormative society codes.

This thread is reaching the large numbers of comments by few posters level. This seem to happen when moral codes of sexual orientations comes up.

[pole_smoker]

We're not bashing married bisexual men. It's the cheaters that are being bashed. No one has a problem with who you are. It's how a lot of them act that creates the problem and the bad perception.and to be fair, I hate cheaters of ANY persuasion.

I haven't seen actual bashing of bisexual married men. Or you know, people putting down men who happen to be bisexual, or speaking against bisexuality in men.

I have though seen people get annoyed at people regardless of their gender who cheat on someone who they are married or in a relationship with.

[Maybhere]

We agree with pole_smoker. Being bisexual has nothing to do with the reason people are being bashed. Sexual orientation and cheating are two totally different subjects. It is none of anybodies business how you decide to live and conduct yourself. However, it doesn't go to follow that they agree with it. If someone is cheating they are also telling some lies. Our question would be how do you propose to trust someone who does that? The easiest way is to not associate with them to start with. Let them find their counterpart, live and let live.

[void()]

We agree with pole_smoker. Being bisexual has nothing to do with the reason people are being bashed. Sexual orientation and cheating are two totally different subjects. It is none of anybodies business how you decide to live and conduct yourself. However, it doesn't go to follow that they agree with it. If someone is cheating they are also telling some lies. Our question would be how do you propose to trust someone who does that? The easiest way is to not associate with them to start with. Let them find their counterpart, live and let live.

Thank you, quite a bit more eloquent than I was struggling to say. :)

[tenni]

We agree with pole_smoker. Being bisexual has nothing to do with the reason people are being bashed. Sexual orientation and cheating are two totally different subjects. It is none of anybodies business how you decide to live and conduct yourself. However, it doesn't go to follow that they agree with it. If someone is cheating they are also telling some lies. Our question would be how do you propose to trust someone who does that? The easiest way is to not associate with them to start with. Let them find their counterpart, live and let live.

As I see this, you have made two absolute assumptions. 1/ people should be monogamous as a default position without discussion 2/ If you are not going to be monogamous then we will label you a cheater even if you never agreed to be monogamous.

[jem_is_bi]

As I see this, you have made two absolute assumptions. 1/ people should be monogamous as a default position without discussion 2/ If you are not going to be monogamous then we will label you a cheater even if you never agreed to be monogamous.
3/ Life is a dynamic adventure, not a totally static existence, at least, not for me. Everything changes a little or a lot and you can't expect to have complete control over what changes in your life or others. So why is it fair to judge others based on your life experiences?

[Cutiliae]

I have been with my current wife for about 15 years and she has no idea that I like to suck cock. During our dating period I didn't even think about saying that "I like long walks on the beach, playing golf and oh, yeah, I also like to suck cock." Up to about 8 years ago I was just seeing one person about once per year who lives a great distance away and I wanted to maybe find someone local that I can play with so there wouldn't be such a long gap. I only actively searched because I learned about Craigslist, which made it easy. I should be bashed I guess because I am unable to admit to my wife about my vice. I'm careful on my search and if I get busted I guess the cat is out of the bag. Until then, mums the word. If I would know that she would accept it or even become involved with me that would be great; but I didn't think I would grow more bi over the years.

[Isitfun]

OK truth be told I have NOT read the entire post… But morality police? On a fun kinky sex site? What are that thinking??????

[void()]

I have been with my current wife for about 15 years and she has no idea that I like to suck cock. During our dating period I didn't even think about saying that "I like long walks on the beach, playing golf and oh, yeah, I also like to suck cock." Up to about 8 years ago I was just seeing one person about once per year who lives a great distance away and I wanted to maybe find someone local that I can play with so there wouldn't be such a long gap. I only actively searched because I learned about Craigslist, which made it easy. I should be bashed I guess because I am unable to admit to my wife about my vice. I'm careful on my search and if I get busted I guess the cat is out of the bag. Until then, mums the word. If I would know that she would accept it or even become involved with me that would be great; but I didn't think I would grow more bi over the years.

Not really bashing here. I can to a degree empathize with you. Damn it, I miss cuddling up at night with my boyfriend. He's in PA, I'm in WV. He works in a position that has him being "on call" a great deal. The employer's version of "on call" for him means he gets phoned, told which airport to be at at what time. He shows up, is handed an itinerary and travel package.

I think at present he has some overly well earned "down time" and is visiting family in FL. Yes, I might wish he could have squeezed in a little time for me and him. At the same time, he is often unsure when he is granted "down time" and I am unsure here as to how to "sneak out" as it were. My wife knows, my father-in-law knows. The rest of the family may know but not really concern themselves, or choose to not think of it, not know. So, I would be "sneaking out" from a "traditional" family type of situation in the Bible Belt of America. "Where is B___ going?" "Oh, out with his friend to a motel room, they're um ..."

I could possibly create a story about computing as my boyfriend does computer work, and I have been identified as a hacker, he could be asking me about the dynamics of LISP atoms in regards to databases. *chuckles* Yeah sure right. That would likely not float over well as members of the family are just enough of dim watts to use the Google and deduce something fishy.

I could generally not give a rat's ass about their thoughts, opinions. But they would make life pure misery for my wife without need. I care about that because I love my wife as much as I love my boyfriend. I cannot say I love one over the other, sorry, love them both equally, yes each in their own way, but yes also each equally. That's "how I roll". *chuckles* And if the "family" decided to turn on my wife over something regarding me, I would no doubt not be responsible for causing the family untold grief. I do not desire such a dark result. So, at times it is the better of valor to be discrete.

I will not say I have "grown more bisexual" over the years. I am bisexual, bi-amorous and will ever be so. I am a passionate person. When I love, I love hard and fast, eternally and beyond eternity. So, I empathize with you to that degree.

Yes, it makes me a bit disappointed you feel a need to hide yourself from your wife. I want to share a bit of something my wife expressed to me. I told her I hesitated telling her I was bi out of fearing she would think me less a man. "Bullshit, you're more of a man than any straight guy could ever hope to be. You faced me with honesty, give me the naked truth and your soul bared to me. That takes balls that straight guys cannot have." I'm not sure your wife would feel the same. I am sure though that if you continue hiding your true self from her, you will never be sure she won't feel that way. Just food for thought, take it or leave it.

Ultimately, so what if I'm disappointed with you. You see that guy in the mirror? That's the one you worry about. That's about all I have.

[Cutiliae]

I will have to stand with my original post and add that I am pertty certain my wife would not want to stay married to me if I told her I was bi. I have been and will continute to be careful with my encounters which incidentally has been my attempt to find a local FWB, and not just for the sake of promiscuity, but at this time no luck. If anything interesting develops over the course of time I will keep everyone apprised.

[LeeNorCal]

I have been with my current wife for about 15 years and she has no idea that I like to suck cock. During our dating period I didn't even think about saying that "I like long walks on the beach, playing golf and oh, yeah, I also like to suck cock." Up to about 8 years ago I was just seeing one person about once per year who lives a great distance away and I wanted to maybe find someone local that I can play with so there wouldn't be such a long gap. I only actively searched because I learned about Craigslist, which made it easy. I should be bashed I guess because I am unable to admit to my wife about my vice. I'm careful on my search and if I get busted I guess the cat is out of the bag. Until then, mums the word. If I would know that she would accept it or even become involved with me that would be great; but I didn't think I would grow more bi over the years.Well put Cutiliae! If I had known then (the late 70's) what I know now, I would have been much more open about my sexual proclivities to everyone, especially my future wife (and myself.) But that simply didn't seem to be an option then. For a period during my 40's I scratched my itch for cock through anonymous encounters at theaters/bookstores, but that grew old fast. So for a time I quit having sex all together. Over the last 10 years I've limited myself to only a few well established "buddies" (and one MF couple.) As much as I would like to tell my wife about my preference for sex with men, I don't want to hurt her or my marriage by telling her at this late date. I know she would not be able to handle it.

[pole_smoker]

We are both bisexual and have no secrets. What you do is what you can justify in your mind. We won't put you down but on the other hand we wouldn't care to know you if you are being dishonest.

I feel the same way. When I was single I never had sex with other married women and men who wanted to cheat with me. My partner also never got with other people who were into married and cheating. These people lie and cheat on their spouse/husband, or partner. So you simply can't trust them at all.

People who excuse cheating, and who knowingly have sex with people who are married and cheating, are just as bad as people who are into cheating on their BF/GF/wife/husband. I feel bad for people who cheat, and for the unfortunate people who they are married or in a relationship with.

[Olivia920601]

I agree with that.
Here is a true story that bisexual married men bashing at http://www.bi-sexualdating.com/.

[charles-smythe]

Lately, Ive seen alot of posts that have gone above and beyond to bash married bisexual men. Id just like to say that the gift in our being bisexual is the variety -- we have choices, we have options, we have POSSIBILITIES that others do not understand. I am not going to make someone feel horrible for "cheating" on their wives--we dont know the nature of their relationship, nor do we know what their situation is. Maybe they are indeed in the closet, maybe they are selfish, maybe their wives know, maybe their wives dont care, maybe no one in the relationship gives a damn anymore. Who are we to rip apart someone else's life? I understand that we all have an opinion. But I think it is unfair to call out all bisexual married men and label them as cowards. Some of us are polyamorous; some of us are monogamous, some of us are so many things. We don't fit into the common mold and if you are bisexual and don't know that critical factor by now....you're the one that the rest of us should be feeling sorry for and NOT the other way around. There's more than two choices and I think as a true bisexual, that point alone should transcend every part of your lives. No one has to be one of anything. I support and admire many of our married bisexual men. That is the richness of who we are..the layers and juxtapositions and contradictions. …well said…I totally agree…

[jem_is_bi]

I agree with sdf123 and Charles. I make no judgments about people and their relationships. What works for them may not work for me, but, that does not justify me to judge them.

[charles-smythe]

I agree with sdf123 and Charles.I make no judgments about people and their relationships.What works for them may not work for me, but, that does not justify me to judge them.

…we need a lot more of that attitude on this board…