One women away

[Ladycat]

Hi,


I am trying to get my head around how my husband is thinking and wondered if you would mind answering my question?


For those of you in a relationship with a women, do you think if you separated you would choose to be with another women?


My husband classes himself as bi but I think it's more a case he's one women away from gay. He's told me if we separate he could never see himself with another women. I'm wondering if this is because he's more gay than bi, or if this would be the case for the majority of you?
Thanks

[Annika L]

I am in a monogamous relationship with a woman...and the quick answer is that if something happened so that I wasn't with her anymore, the only restriction I place on my next relationship would be that it not be understood to be monogamous...so it could be with either a man or a woman, but not *relegated* to sex with only a man or a woman.

But to really address the questions you seem to have in your mind, your husband may well be bi, but simply in a phase where he is very interested in men. Many bisexuals cycle between interest in one sex and the other. But it is entirely possible that if he got into a relationship with a man, he might soon find himself pining for female companionship...hard as it is *right now* for him to see himself there.

That said, it is also possible that he is gay, and only beginning to realize it, and so identifying as bisexual as a temporary transition. I would urge both of you to see a therapist (together and separately) that can help you think through and tease apart these issues. That would help you (both) figure out whether it's worth trying to continue to make this relationship work, and if so, how best to do that in a way that works for both of you. But you need someone skilled in dealing with issues of sexuality, and who specifically understands bisexuality (I've noticed that many gay people or even gay advocates seem to have a binary view of sexuality, and would assume, possibly detrimentally in your case, that your husband is gay).

[curious44]

I was Bi since I knew what sexual activity was and have been married to the same woman for well over 4 decades. We have kids, grand kids and each other who we love more than anything. I have no doubt we will be together "until death do us part" but our relationship is vastly different than it was when we were younger. My wife was sexually insatiable until menopause and now has no interest at all. At the same time my attraction to men grew and I now consider myself gay. I can't remember the last time I had sex with a woman but it was sometime in the early 90s. To be honest, sex with men was always more exciting for me anyway. I hope my wife and I are together for many more years but if I were to find myself on my own there is no way I would want another woman.

[NjbiGuy01]

If I had to do it again, I would attempt to seek a woman who was bi, or at least open minded enough to accept and enjoy the fact I was bisexual. If she was bi, all the more great. If we could play with couples or singles together, that would be fantastic. I realize each of these is a tall order, and anything more than one of these things would truly be a blessing.

[fredtyg]

I think I'd go with a woman if only because they're so much easier on the eyes than guys. I also tend to prefer women socially for some reason. However, she'd have to know about my sexuality and not mind me being sexually involved with other men.