So we offer help?

[void()]

Well, suppose that if folks may request help in comprehending life on
the site, may as well enjoin their number. Let me phrase this in as
best context as am able.

Yes, I am bisexual. No I am not promiscuous. I am not exactly an
activist nor militant either. I am the type of person whom is secure
in knowing myself, no need to bash others around with that.

To that end I am a straight acting fellow by and large. Not that I
feel emasculated via expressing my homosexuality. Rather, I do not
feel much need of that expression save behind a closed bedroom door
with a lover.

This is relevant in the context of having grown up with a long haul
truck driver, whom became something of a "master" in regards of
metering out abuse. He was my step-father, my father a Marine, had ran
off when I was two. Bring it forward to more recent past, say within a
year.

From having faced various flavors of adversities in life, I visit
therapists, psychoanalysts. Within the past year, maybe two, I recall
one of these therapists striking on an epiphany of sorts. It concerned
having survived twenty plus years of abuse from the step-father.

I had expressed a bit of family thought regarding the sexuality of my
step-dad. Consensus, jokingly or not, our family after his death was
grasping to understand why he was abusive. We decided he must have
been a homosexual whom hid deeply in a closet.

The therapist's epiphany, "well then maybe he sensed in you something
which needed protection, and only you can protect yourself. So, as
hard as it may be to believe, he taught you to do that by being a mean
old dog. He expressed his love by teaching you such a valuable
lesson."

This "epiphany" has been being mauled over for a good while now. I
understand others have faced sexual abuse from step-parents, parents,
siblings. Also understand that sometimes psychological abuse can be as
bad in regards to its affront to intimacy.

Here I am on a ragged edge. Not quite sure about what response I
desire here. If you would like, contact me privately on the site. This
is something which rattles me around sometimes.

Not sure the therapist was correct, or incorrect. One of those deals
which leaves one to think. We all need to get out of our own heads
once in a bit. If the therapist was correct, well, damn. That's a real
Mack truck blindsiding you.

I've told elian and my wife both this before, maybe in this telling it
can make more sense. His abuse, hate taught me love. That love became
my greatest weakness and greatest strength. Any form of doubt in that
love does lend to inner turmoil. An issue such as this does bring some
interesting doubts.

Thanks for reading.

[elian]

As most of you know from my writing before I have always felt a strong desire, since the day I was born - to want to be affectionate toward others. It was only other people telling me "no" that made me doubt and hate myself.

Some people are just malicious, they sense "weakness" in others and they exploit it in order to make themselves feel better. Is it brought on by some deep seeded insecurity within that person? Probably, whether he was homosexual or just insecure - you'll not know.

That's one of the reasons I advocate so passionately for LGBT rights, because even with our failings men NEED to learn to love themselves. They need to learn to love each other. They need to learn to love others in a healthy way. No we CAN'T always be strong, we DON'T know everything, we need to admit that we are human.

When I was growing up I saw the insecurity of men do horrible things to people I loved. I saw people turn toward drugs and alcohol as a way to mask pain. In the eyes of a child these issues loomed large. Now as an adult I realize that my parents were both very young, they did the best they could and at least in my case they still did love me.

My feelings of same sex desire were brought to the surface by an unquenchable thirst for unconditional love and acceptance from men. By all rights I should've absolutely hated men, but yet one of them truly held me in his arms as though he loved me and at that point in time I was hooked. I knew that was a feeling that I wanted more than anything else. Those are very powerful feelings and my trust was shaken very badly.

For all I know I could've been a straight boy, but my desire for love was THAT powerful, and now that I've felt it, there is no going back - there is no denying I love both. No person deserves to be treated disrespectfully for simply being who they are, with the traits that are born into them. There are no instruction manuals. Right or wrong, people do what they know. If your truck driver's parents beat him, chances are he may resort to that sort of behavior on his own.

My parents knew that "nice" boys don't win in a competitive world, they did everything they could, including trying to "toughen me up" - but this is simply who I am. I never lost my desire for love and affection, I just learned to hide it.

All I can say is that although I can't be there now, I am glad that we met, I am glad that you took me into your life and helped me learn to trust again. Maybe it doesn't help your own sense of pain but just by being who you are and for all of those around you at that point in time you truly and honestly helped me. Neither of us is perfect but I will always be grateful for that.

Our past cannot change, although with more understanding you may view it in a different light. He may have 'wanted" to do the right thing, but somehow it came out wrong. More important though is that we do not have to be held hostage by the past. As I have said to many others, forgiveness is very important, in this case not for him, but for you.

Blessings and peace be upon us all.

[void()]

Our past cannot change, although with more understanding you may view it in a different light. He may have 'wanted" to do the right thing, but somehow it came out wrong. More important though is that we do not have to be held hostage by the past. As I have said to many others, forgiveness is very important, in this case not for him, but for you.

Can understand the concern of one not allowing the past to enslave them. Also comprehend what you say
about forgiveness. Have forgiven him a while back. Forgetting is a more difficult matter.

Please bear with me, it is difficult to explain the emotion and thought/s. I do not feel so much that the past is taking a hostage. One may have a sense about what has brought them into the now. That is what this is with me. And in knowing it influcenced the creation of me as an individual, personality, spirituality, it can at times spark a sense of wondering.

Not a revolutionary here but do appreciate Socrates' adage of an unexamined life not being a life to
have lived. Much enjoy Socrates despite his flaw in logic via commiting suicide, thereby rescinding his
stance that the state is not always correct. Yet back on the subject, I have been considering it more.
Still think it was a bit out of line for a therapist to posit a theory, where he loved me.

In some way, I suppose he may have loved me. If that was the case then, what a hellish way to
have been a father figure and express that love. Maybe in coming away with that acceptence has
left nothing to feel, emptiness. Not sure but considering a recent thought what manifest realizing,
not sure it even matters.

Dumb me, thinking "gee, we're so close to seeing M.A.D become real, guess it doesn't matter I'm
bisexual or athiest." Sorry, morbid I know but merely looking around one sees it is what it is. I am
probably blessed in being as my wife suggests, nicknamed "Kiljoy". Wish I were less of a mauldin
persona, yet to me it seems only being realistic. *shrugs*

And so as you, specifically you elian, know, I still love you. I do listen. I know at times it seems
I may not. Thinking you and C do share notes, now. :) *chuckle* Both of you seem intent upon
saying I don't listen. Yes, I know, "show you listen". I try. ;) :P *hugs, cuddles and smooches*

[elian]

Well, I didn't say you don't listen, although if you are, I imagine it gets old listening to a broken record. This is however, the first time I have heard your response and I can now better understand where you are coming from. From my own experience, if all you have perceived is pain and fear then yes, suddenly having that removed does feel a little weird. I am glad that you have forgiven him, I was also writing for the benefit of anyone else who has gone through a similar experience.

Therapists are human too, and how else do they get you to consider alternative points of view but to present them? I'm sure it was a shock for you to hear that he loved you. But in a warped sort of way it could be true. I really don't know what goes on in the mind of an adult man who can bully a child the way you were bullied. My best guess is that if you are never shown mercy in your life or taught to lead, then you have no idea what it means to show mercy to others or encourage them in a healthy way.

The "boy" who took advantage of me was very unsettled, he was a young teen who was angry at a lot of things, probably bored, probably didn't want to be there and probably wanted the attention and affection of a man the same way that I did. Someone obviously abused him when he was younger for him to know what he knew about sex at 11 years old. It's not a pleasant feeling and it's not fun to think about the past. You don't know how glad I am to be disgusted by the thought of an adult preying on a child at any level. My greatest wish for any child is that they have an opportunity to grow up in a loving home, with some freedom to explore but also with healthy boundaries and wise guidance.

There are many of us here who may not have had that opportunity. All I can say is that we are no longer children. We are strong, beautiful people who deserve love and respect the same as any other part of creation. This world is meant to be interactive, if you poke it, it responds.

If there is one thing that life loves, it is survival. Perspective means a lot, if you constantly look for trouble to appear then trouble is what you will find. If you try to live intentionally with gratitude and joy you will see some small things (and perhaps some large) that respond back with joy and beauty in return.

It is good to share in community, it is good to have faith of some kind but in my opinion, the fundamental error with evangelism is the expectation that you must make a lot of noise in order for something to happen.

Simply be. Remember, we are not perfect but nature cares for us anyway. Breathe, allow intention, compassion, gratitude, love and healing. In my opinion the most profound miracles often happen in silence, or with the presence of someone whom you know loves you very deeply and unconditionally.

[tenni]

“Yes, I am bisexual. No I am not promiscuous. I am not exactly an activist nor militant either. I am the type of person whom is secure in knowing myself, no need to bash others around with that.”


I’m struck by this subtle contradictions in this paragraph. You are not promiscuous and as a bisexual you believe it important to distinguish yourself from those who are bisexual and promiscuous? Do you accept those bisexuals who are promiscuous because contrary to the last part of the paragraph this reads as morally judging those bisexuals who are not monogamous. Then again you write that you see no need to bash others and so it may be an oversight?


It could have just as well have been written as “I am a monogamous bisexual. I have nothing against bisexuals who are promiscuous but it is not for me.” Then leave it at that...no subtle moralistic judgement.

I mean no judgement just pointing out perhaps an unconscious unintentional act on your part?

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Big hugs to you Sweetie. :}
Yer Cat

[void()]

“Yes, I am bisexual. No I am not promiscuous. I am not exactly an activist nor militant either. I am the type of person whom is secure in knowing myself, no need to bash others around with that.”


I’m struck by this subtle contradictions in this paragraph. You are not promiscuous and as a bisexual you believe it important to distinguish yourself from those who are bisexual and promiscuous? Do you accept those bisexuals who are promiscuous because contrary to the last part of the paragraph this reads as morally judging those bisexuals who are not monogamous. Then again you write that you see no need to bash others and so it may be an oversight?


It could have just as well have been written as “I am a monogamous bisexual. I have nothing against bisexuals who are promiscuous but it is not for me.” Then leave it at that...no subtle moralistic judgement.

I mean no judgement just pointing out perhaps an unconscious unintentional act on your part?

You are correct in that is something of an oversight. It is not for me, and hence yes, is percieved
as a moral judgement even despite no desire to "bash" at others with it. You cannot tell me that
is not the case, in honesty. Well, you can, not sure I would buy it or others would. ;)

I am learning that perception does have profound implications. I do not desire being promiscious,
nor seen as such. Granted, yes I have enjoyed a good casual "roll in the hay" for the sake of
"rolling in the hay". I am not denying sex can be fun, spontaneous, exciting. I prefer though
keeping the excitement induced from a drama called cheating, out of the mix.

That means, I steer away from being promiscious. It helps reduce a chance of either cheating
unintentionally, or being percieved as one engaged in cheating. To that end the implication
of promisciousity from me is tainted as negative. Apologies for that, just is what it is.

:2cents:Frankly, if you want to cheat and no one is being harmed, more power to you. If you want to
involve me in that, please just pass right on by, I don't want to be into that. In my opinion,
ultimately someone does get harmed and this is reason enough to avoid it. :) Hope that was
simple enough.:banghead: :D :)

[void()]

Big hugs to you Sweetie. :}
Yer Cat

:cowboy::bowdown::lokai::grouphug:

[DuckiesDarling]

Just gathers Void, Elian and Cat in my arms for a group hug. Words fail me, Void. Been reading and re-reading the original post and all that strikes me is that some men just don't know how to love or how to hate all they know is how to be. Unfortunately, for most of us, the way they know to be..is not what we expect or should accept from a parental figure.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Hey hey! At least one of ya'll warm your hands first! lol
Hugs back Darlin.
Yer Fave Pussy.