Can anyone relate?

[mplsguy89]

Hello,

Here is my situation. I am just wondering if anyone can relate or understands.

I am almost always interested in women. I've had girlfriends and enjoy sex and companionship with a woman. Whenever I think about getting married it is always a woman. Sexual fantasies are always women. Checking people out walking down the streets its always women. As is the case with most guys, I think about women and having sex with them pretty much all of the time. I dream about woman, etc. You probably get the point.

My deal with men is as follows. I've never wanted to have a relationship with a guy. The thought repulses me. (No judgement on anyone else of course). 99% of the time I don't think about having sex with a guy, I never check guys out walking down the street. Honestly, the vast, vast majority of the time I am completely turned off by anything to do with men and sex.

There are these random occurances though, where I am suddenly sexually attracted to men. I don't know what brings it on, and before and after it passes (me getting off) I am turned off by men. I've had sex with guys on a few occasions and really enjoy it, then I cum, and am instantly turned off by men again. After that I am back to being heterosexual and will only think of women for another few weeks or months.

Does this make sense to anyone? Anybody had a similar experience?

Sorry for the really long post. Just had to get it off my chest. Thanks

[Long Duck Dong]

lol... take a deep breath, you are simply more hetero minded than equally bisexual or gay..... its ok, its normal for some people, and outside of the sexual encounter you feel no desire or interest in males....

its a bit like some bisexual natured people that only have a sexual interest in some forms of sex, but not the person, but the person they need to fulfill some sexual fantasies and desires, are generally the same gender.....

its why some people would be fine with having a intersex / shemale ( used cos people understand the term better ) partner and are more settled with that, yet the idea of having a same gender partner is something they have no interest in....

where people can make the mistake, is assuming that its always the result of upbringing, belief etc.... but its actually no different to a desire for a Mc'D's cheeseburger in a person that is normally living a vegan lifestyle.... some people just do not have the need or desire to have anything more than the desire and need fulfilled and than they have no interest at all.......

[bityme]

Hello,

Here is my situation. I am just wondering if anyone can relate or understands.

I am almost always interested in women. I've had girlfriends and enjoy sex and companionship with a woman. Whenever I think about getting married it is always a woman. Sexual fantasies are always women. Checking people out walking down the streets its always women. As is the case with most guys, I think about women and having sex with them pretty much all of the time. I dream about woman, etc. You probably get the point.

My deal with men is as follows. I've never wanted to have a relationship with a guy. The thought repulses me. (No judgement on anyone else of course). 99% of the time I don't think about having sex with a guy, I never check guys out walking down the street. Honestly, the vast, vast majority of the time I am completely turned off by anything to do with men and sex.

There are these random occurances though, where I am suddenly sexually attracted to men. I don't know what brings it on, and before and after it passes (me getting off) I am turned off by men. I've had sex with guys on a few occasions and really enjoy it, then I cum, and am instantly turned off by men again. After that I am back to being heterosexual and will only think of women for another few weeks or months.

Does this make sense to anyone? Anybody had a similar experience?

Sorry for the really long post. Just had to get it off my chest. Thanks

Your experience and feelings are not uncommon. Bisexuality covers a broad range of physical and emotional desires. It is quite common for men to enjoy sex with other men, but not develop an emotional or romantic relationships with them. For many of us enjoying the physical act is as far as it goes.

Personally, my emotional and romantic attractions have always been to women. I've been married twice to wonderful bisexual ladies. My attraction to men is only physical. I enjoy having sex with them, but enjoy it more is I am sharing the other male with a lady.

As far as being turned off by men as soon as you cum, there is a possibility of this being a way of handling internal guilt that might occur because you did something that your upbringing or segments of society tell you is wrong; a coping mechanism. I don't know enough about you to say this is your problem, however it is very common for us to have misgivings before or guilt after we act in a way that is contrary to our earlier training. Your feeling after you cum should not be a problem unless it manifests itself in some discourteous or anti-social manner immediately after cumming (like becoming physically violent or screaming and running away). If that is the case, some counseling would be appropriate.

However, based on what you say in your post, I would agree with LDD. There is nothing wrong with your preferences regarding men and women.

Enjoy life! Have fun!

Pappy

[ErosUrge]

lol...can I ever relate to this. I felt like I was reading about myself from some years ago. I am still the same as far as getting involved or emotional with men; that is reserved for women. But along the way and since I finally accepted that I was bi based on the fact that I have always been sexual with both since I was a teen and still had/have the urges, I no longer have guilt about it afterward. I remember so well how I'd get turned on prior to having sex with a guy and wanting it very much, then get into having sex and enjoying it very much, and as soon as I'd cum, I'd feel repulsed and disappointed in myself vowing that I wouldn't do it anymore. Then I'd return back to my girlfriend or wife hoping that it was all over. Time would pass and eventually, it would happen all over again.
Like you, I'm not interested in the majority of men I see in public; sex doesn't even enter into my mind except on the rare occasion. It's women that I am constantly attracted to in public.
What I have accepted is that my desire and interest in sex with men is real and also okay. And you or I am not so different from many men who are the same way.
This is something that takes time to grasp or accept. And perhaps there will come a time that you are able to pull away and never get stirred up to be sexual with a man again....the worst part of it is struggling and feeling bad after. Either you'll depart from being sexual with men or it will be with you always. If that is the case and the desire always returns even when you have a most devoted relationship with a woman and the sex is great with her too, then in my opinion and based on my own experience, you are bi. The more you fight against it and struggle with it, the more it will haunt you.
Yet, I know nothing about you and everyone has their own path. You're the only one who can determine what is best for you. But I know so well how you feel as you've described. I was identical and to the T. Now I've accepted it all and consequently, my sex life has improved dramatically both for myself and the men and women I get together with. It was good before but getting past this made me feel so free of fear and less inhibited.
But I do realize how hard this is.....it's tough. Be gentle with yourself and realize that there are many like you this way.

[elian]

I feel the exact same way, but reverse the genders - for some reason I'm more comfortable and seeking out men right now. I grew up around a lot of women and I see them more as sisters first. This may sound stupid but it has taken me a while to understand they have the same sexual desires and urges. I can see Eros' point of view - obviously has to do with comfort about my sexual identity and experience. In the long run I could see myself in a long term relationship with either gender but right now maybe I'm just not there yet.

[fredtyg]

Your situation sounds a bit like me back when I was in my early 20s, although your profile doesn't mention your age.

I used to be like that way back when. I came to realize later that I've always had a fairly strong homosexual aspect to me. One difference with me that you don't mention is alcohol. The alcohol nearly always brought out the homo in me, depending on the circumstances.

I'd get to drinking and, if no women were available, I'd go into homo mode. On rare occasions I'd find a guy and have sex. Next morning I'd be all embarrassed about it and go back into hetero mode sometimes for weeks or months at a time.

Until the next time I'd get to drinking. But that was me. Not everybody needs alcohol to bring out their homosexuality.

I don't think your feelings are all that unusual. They're just another variation of the many aspects and forms of bisexuality.

[randy1]

I've had the same feelings but with a bit of a twist. After the few encounters I've had with men I felt nothing but loathing for them. Enjoyed the sex, had no guilt feelings but HATED them. I think it's because both men were gay and a little 'off'. I've always been searching for a bi-female partner who would shepherd me through this transition. A few bi women that I've dated and known as friends suggested I try bi sex and I was totally insulted and freaked out. I think it's because they were trying to pimp for some of their bi male friends for whom I have absolutely no attraction. I was at a party this weekend and did a 3 some with a guy and a woman. I really wanted to suck his cock but he said no. The next morning the host told me I was a hot looking guy and asked if I was bi. Again I got a little freaked out and told him no. Go figure. Am I weird or what?

I think most of my swinger friends are cool with guys being bi. But just like with women I like to be the one who chooses my partner not have somebody fix me up.

[2active8]

I am in the same boat. The more time that passes the more comfortable I feel about it. I like to think that I am "normal" and everyone else is represses. I'm not hurting anyone, I am safe and and I am having fun. I also believe it makes me a better sex partner. I have never been asked in vanilla life if I am bi or hetro but if I was, I might say socially bi. I love everything about women and think about them as most men do, occasionally I like to hang with the guys. I'm ok with it and I don't have any need to identify it further than that. My two cents.... Don't worry about it.

[Dead Account]

I am exactly like this. Wow. I've never had sex with a guy but at wierd times it seems like I flip/flop and then the idea of being with a guy stays in my mind for a few days. Not anyone in particular, just "a guy". I always thought I was wierd or something and never fit into any niche at all.

[Gearbox]

I have a 'friend' who's like that. He's a raving gay porn star with me, until he cums. Then he's like an alter-ego.:eek:
The fear, guilt and shame emanates from him as he tries to hide it and even apologises for it.

I'd compare him to a Priest who gives into sexual urges then damns the demon that overcomes him.
There seems to be a separation between the hetero&homo ID. The Homo ID being the 'Demon' that overcomes, an not part of the whole persona/ID.
Which is false of course! But something enforces the separation. With the priest I'd guess holiness/purity/self control.
With the 'friend'? I don't know yet. He tends to run off pretty quickly.:rolleyes:

Any insights as to why this happens?
(No offence meant! Just curiosity!)

[Realist]

When I was a teen, I met another guy who was interested in being intimate. We talked about what we liked and what we wanted for about a month. Before we had sex the first time, he told me that he had to suck me off first, then I could do whatever I wanted to him.

I asked him why it had to be that way? Sometimes, I might want to get him off first.

He said that he always felt guilty after he had an orgasm, so if he was going to do anything to please me, it had to be before he came.

Before we had sex, he was interesting, funny, and very sexual. But as soon as he had an orgasm, he would go through changes, like Jeckel & Hyde......it wouldn't be long before it was obvious he had to leave.

Soon, he'd get over his guilt and want to get together again. Strange!

[elian]

Before we had sex, he was interesting, funny, and very sexual. But as soon as he had an orgasm, he would go through changes, like Jeckel & Hyde......it wouldn't be long before it was obvious he had to leave.

Soon, he'd get over his guilt and want to get together again. Strange!

People are told all sort of terrible things about sex, especially about men who have sex with other men.. I have no wise words for this, maybe with enough practice a loving partner could help a loved one overcome self loathing.

[Realist]

Yes, Elian, you're right...............and the things we are taught can affect different people differently.

I knew others would think what we were doing was wrong. I didn't want to get caught, but I wasn't left with a huge guilty feeling, after having sex.

The guy I was seeing, had almost the same kind of moralistic education I did, but he definitely reacted differently to it.

He was especially up-tight, at first. I think it helped him that I wasn't nervous about having sex with him. If I had been, he probably would have become a lunatic!

As we continued to see each other, he calmed down a lot and seemed to enjoy it, more.