bi husband straight wife

[con1970]

Hi
I am out to my wife only, she is straight.
I have tried to get her to penetrate me with a strap on ,
but she has no interest,
has anyone the same problem?
or has anyone any advice on how i could convince her to even try this.

Thanks

[thatcher29]

Well, I don't know, con. It's awfully hard to convince someone to do something sexually that they don't like. And if you just told her you're bi, then she's probably still wrestling with how to deal with that potentially explosive revelation. My advice would be to back off for a while. Maybe when she realizes that your relationship with her is safe, she might be more open.

[dsuth69]

I have come out to my wife also and she isnt keen on the idea either. I have had her do it a couple of times, but she feels weird about it. It takes patience and a lot of talking. find out what would really turn her on. Maybe if she saw you doing yourself or by another guy, she might try it.

[DrBimind]

Didn't convince my wife to do my ass with a toy for a least 10-12 years of marriage. Finally told her I was Bi a few yrs after that and admitted I had been with a couple pals at different times after that. At first she was uneasy with it all but the more she got comfortable with it the more it turns her on. Now she gets hot just thinking about some of our experiences with MMF and using the strap on... give it time and patience, be respectful of her feelings and hopefully it will make your relationship stronger.

[bizel]

i've been thinking about doing this with my hubby. i didn't know guys were into this. i thought they were for women on women. i find a dildo is no match for my guy's equipment. his hot 'bit' (okay, i can be prudish at times), feels soooo different to a hunk of plastic. only, the plastic lasts longer (sorry, love). but when i'm desperate, a carrot looks good. so, do guys really like this? if so, i will explore.

[mikey3000]

Didn't convince my wife to do my ass with a toy for a least 10-12 years of marriage. Finally told her I was Bi a few yrs after that and admitted I had been with a couple pals at different times after that. At first she was uneasy with it all but the more she got comfortable with it the more it turns her on. Now she gets hot just thinking about some of our experiences with MMF and using the strap on... give it time and patience, be respectful of her feelings and hopefully it will make your relationship stronger.

Agreed. Be careful not to create a monster. Once my wife tried doing me, she couldn't leave my butt alone. Now I'm afraid to even bend over because there sh-e-e- is-s-s-s with her strap on-n-n-n- (OWWW!!! cool it, hon!). Sorry, g-g-g-gotta go-o-o-o-o..OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

[djones]

First to Con1970 :

Try working up to it with her. As another commentor said, back off for a bit. Then, try letting her know how sensual and erotically pleasing her touch is in that area. Then when she is comfortable with that - perhaps enjoys giving you that pleasure, move to a toy. If that goes well, in time, A strap on may not seem so odd / intimidating / creepy to her. Also, there are strap on items that give great pleasure to her as she is penetrating you (other friends on this site have directed me to an item called the "feeldoe" that my last girlfriend found far less intimidating than the old fashioned strap on). In time, this can become a thing of mutual satisfaction for you both - "in time" being the operative phrase.

To Bizel :

Yes, many guys go for this, but not all. Just because a man is Bi does not mean he wants to be penetrated. Just because a man does not want to be penetrated by another man does not mean he doesn't like anal stimulation, however. Just takes a little open conversation to get to the, em, bottom of things, if you will. For example, I don't like being penetrated by a man (call me selfish, but I certainly love to dish it out), but as an intimate exchange with a woman, I love the right amount of anal stimulation. Owing to the prostate, everyman enjoys a certain amount of anal stimulation (even if they don't admit to it). How much and what type of stimulation is a different matter.

As your recent posts indicate, all of this is a new dimension in your marriage. So, as with my advice to Con1970, start with some communication. If your husband is wanting this, you may just jump right in (there are other posts in the forums offering advice on how best to use strap ons for mutual comfort and pleasure - remember there can never be enough lube !) . If he isn't sure or isn't comfortable discussing it with you (some men feel embarrassment /guilt /shame if they enjoy anal stimulation) then try, as above, touch first, move to toys when appropriate, then explore the various types of strap ons.

For both of you :

Hope sharing some of my experience helps.

Keep us posted !

[Long Duck Dong]

with my partner, we talked about what she wanted to try and what interested her....... then I took it one step further and my partner recieved her first bj ... well her feeldoe got it.....lol

I took it from the level of female fucks male with feeldoe, to sharing experiences such as what it can be like to be recieving a bj from a male, what its like to be the male recieving the bj job etc etc and my partner said it was fantastic.... having a partner that actually cared about sharing experiences with her and raising the bar beyond female fucks male with a feeldoe....

in time, we will take it further, as I have stated I will dress as a female so she can experience what it can be like from the male point of view, etc etc

we are even gonna do the lesbian experience and the two gay males experience.... as a form of sharing experiences....... and that is done by treating the feeldoe as a penis.... a real penis and bringing the sensations to life for my partner.....
the lesbian experience is done by the male dressing as a female and pleasing the female using toys, fingers, tongues lips etc and not the penis.....

am I seeking to get my partner to become bisexual and open to 3somes and swinging ??? no..... cos shes not interested in doing that.... but shes very keen to experience the full range of what a bi male can do with their partner in the bedroom and the safety of the house, without taking them out of their comfort zone.....

all it takes is a lil imagination, a lil time, trust and willingness to be open minded within the safety and security of the relationship.......

some people can argue that its not as good as the real thing.... but... hey, lets be honest.... its a fuckin site better than vanilla sex and the missionary postion for the rest of ya life lol

[bizel]

djones, i could just kiss you. i sent my hubby my knickers once as a 'feel close to me' when he was away on work and he now loves my knickers. i educated him in the male g spot and found vegetables missing (lol). then he admitted he wanted male touch. started to question my every move and had i converted him away from me. but now i see a way we can both enjoy male activity. as you say, not exactly the same, but it's all i got. can hardly wait to introduce him. suspect he will be thrilled. you're like a little santa come early. thanks heaps.

[jackbirdjay]

Years ago told my wife I was bicurious To get her use to the idea. At first she wasn't to keen on the idea. Then latter she started using her 8 in vib on me as she sucked me off. Then she used her big dildo. She even held my legs over my head used her vib as I jerked-off shooting in my open mouth. About 5 years ago I dropped the bomb told her I was bisexual that before we married I had sex with more guys than girls. I asked her for a 3 way mmf. She said no way now 5 years latter it's a maybe we'll see. So it takes time go slow.

[NEPHX]

...... Maybe when she realizes that your relationship with her is safe, she might be more open.

That's a big assumption. Maybe its not! Maybe Con wants a more assertive women that will penetrate him (or fill in the blank) or a man or ... or.... Who's to say.

My point it, realistically, the smallest things in life can become very important and most notably, the root of many things we do is hidden behind the darnedest things - subconsciously/unconsciously. Kind of like the old story about a butterfly batting it wings in one place on the planet ending up in a hurricane elsewhere.

I find it very interesting that people always want simple answers (or simplify the answers to meet their needs of the moment) to the very, very complex human condition.

She should be concerned if she didn't know or didn't sense it until now. IMHO

[DuckiesDarling]

Con, as the partner that LDD speaks of in his post I have some advice for you. As some have stated a lot depends on how long your wife has known, what her reaction to your being bi was and if you just worked straight into strap on without introducing any other kind of play. She might be sitting there wondering now if she was ever enough for you. Communicate with her, let her know that you are married to her because you love her and you are not going to leave her.

But ignoring the issue or worse trying to pressure her into doing something she is not comfortable with will just cause a huge crack in your relationship that will widen to a canyon before long and you'll be scrambling for a way to build a bridge back to her side.

So communicate, let her know it doesn't mean you love her less. Let her know you'd prefer to try and work things out between the two of you without going outside the relationship. There are slow ways to work up to using strapons and you can have a lot of fun with the roleplay later on.

Good luck.

[void()]

Wife lets me have a boyfriend. She's not interested in exploration. I've asked, tried guiding but always no joy. So I don't push. Love her for who she is. Communication, trust, love ... <sighs, nods>

[djones]

djones, i could just kiss you. i sent my hubby my knickers once as a 'feel close to me' when he was away on work and he now loves my knickers. i educated him in the male g spot and found vegetables missing (lol). then he admitted he wanted male touch. started to question my every move and had i converted him away from me. but now i see a way we can both enjoy male activity. as you say, not exactly the same, but it's all i got. can hardly wait to introduce him. suspect he will be thrilled. you're like a little santa come early. thanks heaps.

Bizel,

As with any post, if my experience and insight can be of any help, I am happy to share. Thank you for your kind compliment. Something tells me you and your husband are going to be very happy for a very long time.

Cheers !